He really had me going thinking that I might have met a new friend, all the while plotting behind my back tactics in which to sway the general population into not believing a word I said. No one believes me and in a moment when he was feeling very comfortable he let it slip that that was the plan all along. Im disgusted that there are people out there that plan other peoples demise. I am mortified that I have fallen for the same con almost six years later.
I met a man . He presented himself as a friend and even offered to help me. I am totally hurt to think that he snickered as his family jeered and laughed at me all the while presenting himself in the car as someone that has my best intrest in mind. I called him last night to see if he could offer an explanation of why he and his family would treat someone like that. I decided to forgive him because he really wasn't the one that thrust such horrid comments at me while at his families house even though he laughed.
He agreed to meet me the morningsothat I could try and find another shelter in which to go to, since my whole world consists of trying to find shelter and dodging mean,hurtful,cruel,stalker people that seem to be under the impression that they somehow own me. We drove for approximately 5 minutes and in that time he began telling me that I just "imagined" what had happened to me the night before. What a crock!!!!!!! Whoever he had listening to us in the car he did not want to know what had happened. I was not about to be called crazy for something that not only was extremely abusive and humiliating but had definitely happened! I told him that for him to try and "cover" up what had happened was an addition slap in the face after I had already been through courtesy of his family. Rather than appologize for their behavior he was now trying to further humiliate me. I looked him directly in his eyes and said "I wont accept anything less than an appology, as I was willing to forgive and forget" He agreed. Then as we continued to drive about another mile he blurts out that "they are with me" his exact verbage and suddenly gets very smug as a license plate passes us ending in 090 which has a governemental meaning.
I was flabbergasted as I had just forgave him not even a moment earlier and already he was displaying a "competitive" demeanor.
Something else happened, that I wont go into or even try to explain as it is lengthy to explain and he started crying. At this point I asked him to pull the vehicle over, I wanted out. Here is the reason....
Suddenly all the years of emotional abuse that I had gone through with Jake suddenly made sense as I now had the same scenario unfolding before me as I was riding with Reese.
It seems clear now, the kind of abuse I endured while I was with Jake. There were many times in our relationship that I would attempt to explain my side of the story to him or someone else and everyone would not only DENY that it happened but try to make it sound like I was crazy. When I refused to believe that I was crazy and just "imagining" all of it, Jake would start fake crying. It was an evolution of carefully meditated and planned synchonicity of events that always emerged but that I didn't recognize until it happened again almost 6 years later.
This is a carefully planned system of abuse that is used to erode the self esteem of the victim and make them question their own sanity. Once this has been successfully applied to the victim, the agressor starts crying in order to take back control of the victims initial questioning of motive. Once there are tears most people, and the agressors know this, are programmed to stop everything and tend to the needs of the person crying. If you happen to recognize the motives, you get out. If you dont recognize, as the victim, the tactic,you are suddenly sucked in to once again ignoring all of your own needs and concentrating on the one crying. He now has regained control where he initially lost it once you started not accepting "Im crazy" as an answer to the problem. Its really ingenious becuase I never knew it was happening to me. Thats how smooth he was. Today...not the case. I walked away for the first time at fourth red flag that was thrown my way, rather than waiting for millions of others to show up and 5 lost years under my belt. I am proud of myself. I finally gotit.Who says you never learn from your mistakes? I have to tell you that I wasn't going to "date" this man but I did like him as a friend and thought that I had finally found a friend. I am really sad that that wasn't the case.
I found another person that would care and help only under the condition that everyone thought that I was crazy or interpreting things wrong. I didn't find someone that would genuinely be my friend. But hey, Im used to it, after all I have experienced this phenominom with countless others that need me to look crazy so they can retain "control" over me. It is this group of people that is trying to commit me. If I am committed they continue to get away with verbal, physical, and sexual harassment, not to mention the mental cruelty that has been going on for years now and what recourse will I have? None. The answer to every complaint I have about the cruelty of their actions will be that I am crazy. It is their intention, just like Reece had mentioned yesterday, for no one to take me seriously or believe me. This is how they have gotten away with what they have done this far.
I also have to tell you that I recognized one of "Guy's" relatives just south of where I was this morning. Not only that but even further south I have recognized another individual that has been stalking me for the last 3 years at a casino. She is the sister of a woman that I met in Santa Ana CA. I have positively identified two stalkers in one day. I am alone and have to continue to deal with these people. The maternal side of my family should rot in hell for throwing me to the wind when all of them have extra space for me, rather than to keep me safe from these overzealous groups of people that are trying to keep tabs on myself.
While at the casino I was reading about how the indians were of course forced off their land and flung on to a reservation. Once there,they were promised all sorts of things from the government, cattle, supplies, clothing, etc which never arrived. They suffered. I almost started crying as I can relate to always having to move from place to place with no resources or supplies. Everytime my uncle decides he has "conquored" an area his people tell me to "move" Everytime I become familiar with my surroundings I am told by one of his people to move or be arrested for nothing. This is why he really should rot in hell. Hes like Hitler when it comes to me. I am native american 37% to be exact and he has no right to continue to harass my where abouts. He is the one that doesn't want the world to know that I am pregnant because it is my birthrite before his to inherit what I stand to inherit. I litterally hate him for all his lies and what he has put me through. Not to mention his constant attempts to make it look to the world as if I am some sort of prostitute. He's a coward. If I were him I might be a coward also given the fact that he has lied so much that he probably questions what lies ahead in his fate if there is a God out there.
Im still being threatened for nothing with jail or a year outside, what ever other bogus crap they try to fling my way. Im sick of it. Again....Im not going to jail for something that I didn't do. That is against the law to arrest someone for nothing. I cant believe the shit that I am left with. Tara and Kendall's groups of people are still trying to blame the others groups of people for what has happened to my life and at this point I am unaware of whos telling the truth. All I know is that I am the victim of a fatal attraction and that everyone is trying to take my baby and all of my earnings they keep trying to give to "B". They lie about everything in order to get "B" the rights to my earnings.
They treat me as if I my body is their property. This kind of behavior is almost unbearable. The treat me as if I am supposed to travel constantly....Im never allowed my own "down time" Im litterally exhausted and left with absolutely nothing. They even treat my baby as if it is their property. I dont recieve respect from a single soul (Except Alice, the waitress at the casino....swak). Thats alright because God knowsthe real truth about whats going on. These people can lie, cheat, and threaten me all they want but in the end I will be vindicated, whether in life or in death,I am not afraid. Tired but not scared. This baby was meant to be here, it has fought to stay alive during such extreme amounts of stress put on the mother of the body it depends on.
I will continue to think of inspirational people and things as that is all these pushy cowards have left me with. People like Obama (whom I absolutely adore), the Safars (even though they themselves have also been lied to and swayed away from me), Whoopi Goldburg, George Lopez, Angelina Jolie (humanitarian efforts), and others. I dont know how I have endured all the cruelty, but there has got to be a light at the end of this tunnel. Theres no way that God put me through all of this and wouldn't protect me and this child in the end. Theres just no way he would do that to me. And I am not referring to these "living gods" that listen in on your thoughts and conversations but the one that will punish them for their audacity. I also believe in science and the universe.
I technically have nothing against no one, I never have. But these people.....they have on purpose tried to make a life a nightmare simply to hide something they themselves are guilty of. Their philosophy....get rid of me and they get rid of the only witness to their brutality. They are willing to do this at any cost to me, whether it be imprisonment, institutionalization, or my eventual death....they dont care, what ever it takes to put their own skeletons back in the closet they will do. Whats really funny is I've never set out to try and find "dirt" on other people, they always incriminate themselves and me being as nonjudgemental as I am will just chalk it up to someone making mistakes and living life............But them.............they are ready to forever alter my life as well as the life of my child based on the things that never happened or the smallest of discrepencies. Not to mention they pounce on the slightest imperfections, whether true or not like its some sort of damming vice.
No I didn't drink alcohol yet. I did ask for a glass of wine but never drank it once it arrived. No I didn't drink Vodka last night either, that was also a lie.
No offense to decent people out there but let me tell you something that I am getting really tired of,if i may. When you keep guilt tripping me about your head, your arms, your feet and hands, whether or not you were reading ect... Of course I care BUT you have any idea how it feels to finally get 3 hours to yourself after flinging yourself all over the country, traveling while pregnant, nauseous as can be, so that you are safe (all your body parts) and to finally be able to concentrate on something that makes me happy only to be tripped with what "you" lost. Im the one that has no official place to live as usual, no friends, no family, no money, no entertainment, no ability to travel without abuse and stalkers and you guilt trip me when you have all of these things. Like I said, its not that I dont care, its that Im tired of not having a life. Now Im pregnant, most pregnant people get to focus on their baby, you treat me as if I am your mammy. When do I ever get to focus on MY LIFE. I have been no less than a slave for the last 5 years and Im tired of making you money, expanding your business, and pretending that my own breath is somehow attatched to your lungs. I deserve a decent existance, most of the time I dont even get to laugh. You've taken everything that I've had to offer and have given spoils in return and no Im not trying to be rude. I cant even eat in peace, I always have a steady flow of stalkers prepared to talk loud enough for me to hear them while I am trying to unwind.
I am also tired of you trying to say that I am somehow racist. Not true, I love everyone and I am not going to continue to try and explain this repeatedly. The same goes for proving that I am pregnant. I am not going to live like some sort of paroleee and take a urine pregnancy test in every place I land to prove that I am pregnant. I told you I am pregnant and that should be enough for you to take my word for it becuase when I am 7 months pregnant and it is obvious, you will no longer be able to get away with trying to say that I am "faking" a pregnancy, and not only that, everyone that you lied to will know that you were just being vicious. I should not have to explain myself as much as I have had to thus far. I am an adult and dont find it necessary to convince a bunch of people that show me very little respect of much of anything. Got it.
Not trying to be rude just sick of petty things that waste my time. Im supposed to be bonding with my child right now, not catering to your never ending needs and rediculous demands that dont make sense.
No I dont want to starve Suri. Could you quit trying to make me look like i am some sort of bad person, I would appreciate it. I dont want to starve anyone. Last time Im going to say it. Get a grip as these accusations are desparate attempts to make me look bad to the world.
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I don't know if you read comments, and I know you won't believe me, but I'll say it anyway. I care about you, and hope things turn out well for you.
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