HAD TO CHANGE MY BLOG ACCOUNT AGAIN. ALL FURTHER BLOGS WILL BE ON WWW.MINDSPHEREWINDOW.BLOG.COM AND WWW.THETRUTHOFTHESITUATION.WORDPRESS.COM

I now have moved the blog to...www.mindsphering.blog.com as someone has now infiltrated my other site trying to retaliate

YOU JUST TOOK ALL MY MONEY (MONEY THAT I EARNED) AND LIED ABOUT ME DONT THINK THAT IM NOT GOING TO SUE THE PANTS OFF YOU

A LITTLE MESSAGE TO KEVIN MARTIN AND ALL THE OTHER CROOKED LAWYERS OUT THERE WHO HAVE THREATENED ME FOR THEIR OWN POCKETBOOK SAKE. ROT IN HELL. SEE YOU IN COURT WHEN I WIN THIS BATTLE. YOU HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO THE ENDANGERMENT OF AN INNOCENT CHILD. I WONT FORGET. I AM INNOCENT. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO ETHICS I AM NOW DEALING WITH PEOPLE THREATENING TO TAKE MY CHILD, AND OR FORCE ME TO ABORT A 4 MONTH PREGNANCY.
NO WAY IN HELL. OVER MY DEAD BODY.

I HAVE MOVED ALL BLOGS TO MINDSPHERE.BLOG.COM

A bunch of people fighting over my kid..

You think that I want any of you raising my kid? You think that I would allow any of you to come withina hundred yards of my child? This world doesn't need anotaher one of you. Just leave us alone. Go have your own baby.
April got taken into permanate custody . FBI relocated forever and I am stuck here in hell as usual. I dont even have my best friend or her ma, or my grandma, or my mom or dad, let alone a companion.

Its a Boy! My baby and I are very excited

He is active as they can be and cute as a button, even though his skull isn't totally formed. He sucks histhumb and is always swimming. Hope you wish us well in the future.
they just gave another million dollars of my money to some girl that didn't work for it based on one of my other ideas. How many millions of dollars is that now?
ED get out of my life. I want nothing to do with you. This kid isn't one of your people. Not giving the kid up for adoption either. find another mule.

AN FYI TO THE SECRET SERVICE

IT IS A FEDERAL CRIME TO LIE TO OR MISLEAD THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF FOR ANY REASON OR AT ANYTIME. YOU ARE FACING FEDERAL PRISON TIME, FOR YOUR COVER UP TACTICS AND SELFISHNESS.
I would really enjoy a normal day without being threatened myself. Im trying to find a job since I've been disqualified from my own life, thanks in part to you, dont worry no hard feelings as I am homeless, pregnant, and totally unprotected dealing with unreasonable ultimatums for things that shouldn't even be a part of my life.

I keep getting ultimatums from "Annie" and the government

I am being told that I will be convicted of murder and considered a "killer" if I dont do what this billionaire bitch wants. Her real name is Tara or is it April. I met her 2 1/2 years ago and she decided that she wanted my life.....everything I have ever accomplished and everyone in it. It has been a total take over and I have been made to look like some sort of criminal in order to further her success. I am no killer, I have never hurt anyone on purpose.
Im pregnant and she wants my unborn child now. Tell her that somethings aren't for sale. she has made my life impossible and should go to the electric chair herself for the way that I have been misrepresented and treated. She and ARKIN, KAPLAN, AND RICE of New York city (a law firm that I originally contacted to aid me in the character assasination that I have been subjected to) have singlehandedly gone out of their way to ruin my life. They all should have at the very least a short stint in a federal penetentiary. Meanwhile I am still being stalked and harassed by various groups of people that I a have NEVER HAD AN AFFILIATION WITH, AND RECIEVE NO HELP FOR THIS ISSUE.
They decided to represent the girl that was a better "game player" rather than represent myself, me, the girl that has been telling the truth the entire time. Now I have them also delivering ultimatums. I at one point and time thought that these people were heros to help Edmund Safra reclaim his life after a 5 year bashing of his name and reputation globally. I was certain that they would help an innocent girl that was getting trashed for no reason publically, politically, legally, and withing the celebrity rhelm on a global level. Now I know that they are just money hungry, glory seeking snakes that helped to destroy an innocent girls life.
Now look, Im being accused of a murder I have no knowledge of simply so they can get rid of me. How are people like this allowed to exist to crush and destroy innocent people while all the while I have been law abiding and innocent the entire time.
I am also being accused of theft and being offered "parameters" for a crime I didn't commit. The deal from the government is this.......... go to jail for something they know that I didn't do (so that they can take my baby away from me upon its birth--"Annie" gets her way) or be regarded by the american public as a cold blooded killer and face the electric chair (because "Annie" didn't get her way)
My question is......HOW THE HELL DO I GET THIS MEGABITCH OUT OF MY LIFE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Annie's group of people keep lying to the public about who the father actually is. They keep insinuating the father is one of those "hand chopping off" lunatics so that no one will be accepting of the child. I should beat her ass for messing with an innocent life and I am not even a violent person. If someone was smearing the reputation of your innocent child to the point where people were told to "shun" it, what would you do? I've never wanted to physically harm another person on this earth except for my increadibly abusive uncle, but she has gone beyond the normal limits of any person walking this earth. I am not violent at all but I have had to bite my lip repeatedly while her and her spineless followers attack my child so that they can keep me and the child in a certain "class" off people. The real father is in fact amongst the same class as her and I and she just hates that.........she wants control, like a 3 year old toddler, throwing a fit, and everyone clamours around her trying to "keep her happy" because god forbid she have to do something on her own. She used me and my writing to get adopted by the billionaire that took her in and failed to mention it to him. Now I have all this "trash" stalking me because her original group of people, crawled out from under a rock and now think they are all superstars. I want to vomit when one of these people starts YA-ing or YEP-ing me. They are all riding the curtails of this white trash lying little bitch that got adopted by a billionaire by passing off my experiences off as her own. Dont think that I wont take responsibility for my own "white trash" days but at least Im honest about it. They go around showing illeagally taken video tape footage of me in a private setting in order to keep her looking good. I look like a bad person and she once again is able to hold up her manufactured image of the innocent minded girl next door.
Annie lied about everything and did anything she could to sink her claws into an unsuspecting billionaire. Now I have these "people" (her white trash followers) giving me ultimatums. I've been physically attacked by these people on many occasions out of nowhere and simply because they have no ability to express themselves in any other fashion. I am truly mortified at how the girl got in with these people.
This world definitely has no rhyme or reason. Because of the nature of these people and where they come from, you now have a bunch of short cut taking criminals running things, its the biggest, most disgusting thing I have ever been subjected to and forced to watch unfold. Scary. Its like opening up a prison and allowing violent fellons a seat in government. God I want to throw up and they have the nerve to call me disgusting. Im from a normal place, not the sesspool they originate from.
From what I can deduct, this Annie girl is somehow tied in with the bushes, considering the bushes worked exclusively for the billionairs, not for the american people. this is why I was never extracted from the extreme circumstances that I endured while going through traumas equivalent to Jason Bourne while on the street for the last 5 years. Im a person, not a billionaire, so I wasn't worth saving. I'm only a millionaire, at least I was before April and Tara showed up on the scene, now Im lucky if I even get a job thanks to the false reputation of "murderer and theif, and hand chopper offer (which Im not)" I now have amongst the population. They now have control of all my money, my trust fund and I cant even secure a copyright on my own writing without them regaining control over me. I cant even feed my own pregnancy or sleep at night without being threatened with "punishment" for something I didn't do nor would participate in.
Oh and when I finally start winning this battle they throw "child molester" (which Im not) in the mix to try and convince people that I am some sort of bad person.
My question is this....Why, if you have all the luxeries in the world thanks to your billionaire adoptive parents, would you concern yourself to the point of obsession with one homeless writer girl just trying to live her life, if you didn't have have something to hide or didn't want the public to know? Why would you go out of your way to hinder another life when you have everything a girl could want if you weren't scared that you were going to be found out? Does that explain to you why I am being attacked in every direction or what? If I dont shut up, and someone finally realizes that I have been telling the truth the entire time about her deciet, then she loses everything. Thats why she is on a one person mission to anihilate me and my existance. I have had my own income taken from me and have been subjected to cruel and unusual treatment, and now she wants my baby!!!!!!
OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY ANNIE....GO TO HELL AND ROT THERE, YOU AND ARKIN KAPLAN AND RICE. YOU'VE ALL AFFORDED YOURSELVES A VERY NICE SPOT IN THE ULTIMATE PARADISE DOWN UNDER. I WOULD BE VERY AFRAID TO DIE IF I WERE YOU.
DONT ACT LIKE YOUR TRYING TO HELP EITHER. ALL YOUR TRYING TO DO IS KEEP YOUR POCKETS LINED AND AN INNOCENT GIRL FROM EXPOSING WHAT SLIMEY BASTARDS YOU ARE. ROT ETERNALLY, YOU MAKE ME ILL.
YOU MIGHT HAVE EVERYONE ELSE FOOLED BUT YOU DONT HAVE ME FOOLED AND YOU NEVER WILL. IM OVER YOUR HEAD. THAT WHY YOUR GOONS ARE ALWAYS STALKING ME.
Im pregnant and just had to go to the bathroom because the baby is sitting on my bladder, and I given the "okay" routine for a normal function, not to mention that some man in the hall gave me a Tara threat on my way back to the computer. These people never let up, give up or leave me alone. I would love to see these people go to federal prison for their constant abuse of power personally, in business and in government.
Also I am copyriting this entry also
copyrite March 24, 2009 10:18 am L. R. Issel

Here I am in the computer lab trying to find a job and guess what? Still being harassed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant even find a job without being verbally harassed and attacked. I am so tired of this existance I could puke. Being attacked with "YA, YEP, Thats right, I know" etc. is the verbage they use to push me around mentally and they all talk loud enough for me to hear them. They go out of their way to make their cell phone calls right in front of me when they could have just as easily gone to a more private location. Lets not forget the people that continually offer me "pardons" for crimes I haven't commited. Oh and my favorite, coughing loud enough to make my body jump when I am trying to concentrate on reading a job desciption. This all in the 40 minutet period.
I dont know how on earth I am the only person on this earth that is somehow not allowed to sleep in a shelter and find employment without being harassed. Oh, ya and this morning I was told that it is "just" once again, all the pain and harassment I endure, because I stayed at a shelter last night and fed myself because I am pregnant. The "Americans" are now mad at me for needing something very "american" shelter and food. I've had it with the double standard.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is terrorism to the spirit. 3 WORDS TO YOU.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should try it, considering I never go out of my way to disrupt, disturb, or disrespect you. Show a little class.
Copyright March 24, 2009 9:10 am L. R. Issel

Different

Looks like fleece
A fluffy cloud with an underlying golden ivory glow.
Maybe the closest thing to heaven on earth, thus far, supposing there is such a place.
For the souls that glow with that eminance on their own most are left only to be covered with a combination of snow drenched dirt flung at their skins by mans own greed.
I drift amongst these lands a changed canvas.
Once clean and bright covered in thick tar from years of mudslinging
My soul trapped in this body I wish I could unzip and crawl out.
This existance has become so excrutiating.
Its always the same people uttering the same ultimatums and versions of who they think I am.
Im not allowed to have my own personality.
Im not allowed anything normal.
Regular emotions and thought processes totally taboo unless they can equate it with wanting "2" or some celebrity.
Im not allowed to express or explore my own soul. Its like they are afraid that I might slip from their fingers and they would lose grip of something they try so hard to control.
Like a monkey in project X, smart enough to learn and mimic behavior, maybe even smart enough to conduct the experiment itself but not smart enough to realize when someone is not thier friend, mistaking physical presence for loving companionship.
They become tired of the routine testing.
They become depressed and stop functioning as there is nothing left to keep their eyes from closing.
so many open wounds from the war and no one allows even one to close before gashing me again.
Remember that the next time you have the odacity to come within a hundred yards and "ya or yep" me.
Talk about terrorism.
Copyright March 22, 8:55 pm, L. R. Issel

Snow storms and Greedy people at my heals......

Its a wonder I dont just eat with my hands because as the stress increases, Im desparate for some sort of comfort. As I consume the first portion of my meal at such a rapid rate, my heart finally slows and my core is able to take over and allow me to eat like a civilized person.
As I spend every waking moment surrounded by completely ignorant people that wont be happy until I have nothing left.....materially or the ability to mentally cognate.
i dont know where these people emerge from. Its like they have been sent here to search and destroy my spirit. They never let up and as they accuse me of various things and make fun of me I wonder why they are consumed with my every action if they have so much disdain for me in the first place. They follow and harrass me constantly, expending mass amounts of energy, only to express their hatred for me. I dont expend that much energy on myself, let alone someone that I dislike.
And here they sit all around me saying "ya, and yep" going out of their way to make my life completely uncomfortable.
Copyright March 22, 8:40 pm, L. R. Issel

I was not referring to the man in the red hooded sweatshirt that I got a ride with yesterday as the father of the baby. His wife can attest to that.

The father of the baby is again a 24 year old man from san mateo california and he was wearing a red hooded sweatshirt the night we met and conceived. He is clean cut. I hope you weren't under the wrong impression.

Dad and mom, kc, laney, lenda and linda, kendall and anyone else that is trying to help

Please understand that I am autistic and i dont understand things until after the fact. If I get it within a day I am lucky, sometimes it takes 3 days for me to process what has happened. I am exhausted and overexerted and it is even worse during this period. I am sorry if you got the wrong impression. I would never in a million years do something that is detrimental on purpose.
To the man that thinks that i am only 3 months pregnant because my due date is in sept., you dont understand that technically a human gestation period is about 9 mos and 3 weeks most of the time. This is how I am technically 4 months pregnant right now. I wasn't lying and the man in the red hooded sweatshirt is definitely the father.
I was starving last night and had some sort of roll up things from maverick.
I dont know why but I am now being called okay, again. I dont know what i did? I just want to have a normal day possibly with some joy and laughter.
Im not a lyer.

The nightmare continues

I dont know what the problem is with some people but I have grown tired of trying to explain myself.
Heres the latest explanation.
I am NOT ACTING, I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! I DONT KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET FEDERAL PROTECTION, BUT IM GOING TO END UP DEAD SOON IF SOMEONE DOESN'T HELP ME.
I AM AUTISTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE AND I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE STANDING ON STREET CORNERS AMIST THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE GAWKING AT ME.
I AM NOT PLAYING A GAME AND NOW IN AN EFFORT TO REMOVE MYSELF FROM VIEW BY GOING DOWN TO THE AIRPORT TERMINAL TO TRY AND CATCH A SHUTTLE SO THAT STALKERS WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DETERMINE MY WHEREABOUTS, THE BABY'S FATHER LEFT ME AND OBAMA THINKS THAT I AM PLAYING SOME SORT OF GAME. I AM NOT PLAYING!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY THAT, SOME GIRL HAS ONCE AGAIN COLLECTED CREDIT FOR MY LIFE.
AGAIN MY ACTIONS ARE NOT PREMEDITATED AND I AM NOT A PART OF THE CROWD THAT SAYS "4 DINNER, 4 BREAKFAST, 4 LUNCH, 4HOUSES, ETC." I AM AN AMERICAN DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM TIRED OF BEING LIED ABOUT. I LITTERALLY HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG AND HAVE BEEN FULLY TRAUMATIZED BY WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH.
I WAS SAVING WORMS LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING FOR REASONS THAT THIS WORLD WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. i AM SO FREAKEN TIRED OF HEARTLESS PEOPLE ALWAYS TRYING TO BLAME ME FOR SOMETHING THAT I DECIDED TO SAVE SOMETHING THAT HAS 5 HEARTS AND IS AS INNOCENT AS CAN BE.
SOMETIMES I STAND ON THE STREET AND JUST STARE OFF INTO SPACE BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
NOW THE PRESIDENT HAS TURNED ON ME BECAUSE HE MISINTERPRETED MY ACTIONS.
i FELL IN THE SHOWER THIS MORNING AND SPLIT MY EYE OPEN, THERE IS A BIG OL GASH.
I WAS NEVER PLAYING AND EVERYONE TREATS EVERY ACTION OR LACK OF ACTION LIKE IT IS SOME SORT OF GAME. MY LIFE IS NOT A GAME.
NOW KIDS ARE TURNED AGAINST ME AND I STILL HAVEN'T CHEWED ANYTHING. HAD TO STAY AT A MOTEL 6 LAST NIGHT BECAUSE IT IS THE CHEEPEST HOTEL, AND THAT SOMEHOW MADE THE KIDS THINK THAT I SOMEHOW WASN'T ON THEIR SIDE.
THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN MORTIFYING AND TRAUMATIZING. I DIDN'T GET CREDIT FOR NOT EVEN ONE THING THAT I ACCOMPLISHED, TARA TOOK CREDIT FOR THINGS SHE NEVER EVEN ACCOMPLISHED. AND NOW OBAMA IS ENCOURAGING THE PROCESS.
wHILE WAITING AT THE AIRPORT THEY KEPT GIVING ME ULTIMATUMS ABOUT IF I WERE TO WALK IN ONE DIRECTION OR ANOTHER THAT THE DIRECTION WOULD DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT I WOULD BE GETTING AN ABORTION. PREPOSTEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i AM NOT ABORTING THIS BABY AND IT WILL NEVER BE AFFILIATED WITH FOREST GREEN OR ANY OTHER ATROCITY. WHOEVER HAS DONE THIS TO MY LIFE I DONT KNOW HOW THEY WONT HAVE TO PAY KARMICALLY.
IM SICK OF THESE PEOPLE CAUGHING AT ME, ITS NOT A NATURAL COUGH, ITS A FAKE, IM TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION COUGH.
IM AN AMERICAN AND HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. WHERE DOES IT SAY IN THE CONSTITUTION THAT ONLY 1 GIRL IS ALLOWED TO BE A REPRESENTATIVE OF AMERICA. I HAVE FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL TO EXIST IN THIS COUNTRY AND HAVE LESS RIGHTS THAN A DOG. NO ONE WILL EVEN ALLOW ME TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST TO PROVE THAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH.
OH, AND THE PEOPLE THAT KEEP CRINKLING THEIR FOREHEAD AT ME, I AM NOT PART OF YOUR GROUP EITHER AS IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE GROUPS RESPONSIBLE FOR SOME OF THE SABOTAGE THAT HAS HAPPENED.
I WAS IN THE STORE SOBBING LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN UP AGAINST ALL ODDS AND IT FEELS LIKE IT WONT EVER END (AT LEAST IN A POSITIVE WAY) AND ALL I HEAR IS AGAIN HOW EVERYTHING IS "JUST". I HAVE LOST ALL HOPE IN HUMANITY.
HOW IS IT THAT ONE GIRL CAN BE SET UP TO LOOK SO BAD ALL THE TIME AND THE OTHER HAS AN ARMY SUPPORTING HER.
AFTER I LEFT THE HOTEL ROOM, I REALIZED THAT I FORGOT TO FLUSH THE TOILET AND NOW I WORRY THAT THE MAID GOT PAID TO DROP SOME SORT OF BAD THING IN MY URINE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IM SOME SORT OF DRUG OR ALCOHOL ABUSER. iTS HAPPENED MANY TIMES BEFORE. i CAN PASS A DRUG TEST AT ANYTIME FOR THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE.....THE PRESIDENT , THE SECRET SERVICE, THE MILITARY (EVEN THOUGH I DONT AGREE WITH THAT LIFESTYLE) OR MY FATHER. OTHERWISE I DONT REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
I WISH EVERYONE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
I CANT HANDLE YOUR CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS.
THANK YOU TO THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME LAST NIGHT.

update

had to start traveling again due to all the stalkers. Finally talked to my best friend and was totally stoked to be dealing with someone normal.
Went into one eastern town and found alumni from yale. Didn't really put two and two together until it was to late and I was an hour and a half away. Apparently the conartists that routinely go through my trash had found a paper with codes on it. They used this paper to try and convince Yale that I was a conartist, because the girl that has been going there, that used my notebook full of genetic research and information in code, has been going to Yale off that notebook for quite some time. I am beyond angry that I cant ever get credit for something that is mine. This girl is such a freaken con I want to throw up. They called me "cool" for having a midnight snack that I didn't have to chew because I hadn't eaten or drank all day. This is a term they use to tell you that some girl just skipped off with something that you busted your ass to accomplish. I dont know how they dont thinK their Karma will catch up to them.
Everybody is bullying me, people constantly saying "YA, and "Yep" at every turn just to reemphasize their annoying stalking presence in my life. They are lucky that I can show restraint. Otherwise half these ill intentioned stalkers would be getting a knuckle sandwich. I have a bunch of jailbirds following me around taking credit for various things in my life, hence the fake "B" that goes around starving herself to prove her love to the world and then taking credit for my accomplishments, that is how I keep getting shistered.
News update I am not the military sort, again although I have respect for you, i DO NOT WISH TO LIVE THAT LIFESTYLE. AND ED STILL WONT GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!
These people still expect me to be found guilty of crimes I didn't commit, just so that some con can "justify" taking my identity and life. From codes that I broke that won awards to writing that has produced millions of dollars I am mortified at the fact that I have been turned into public enemy number 1. The dahli lama has even read one of my poems about freeing people from their bondage and the world thinks that "B" wrote it. Then the letter that I wrote to the children of the world....same thing. People everywhere praise my various accomplishments and then turn around and hiss at me not even knowing that it was me who has struggled against the odds and succeeded, only to be made to look like some sort of mentally ill, agressing monster. I cant believe the shoes I fill everyday, the reputation that i am stuck with isn't even mine. I am a kind person but you wouldn't know it. People might as well be throwing tomatoes at me. I have to admit that on occasion, I have lost all tact and class because I deal with an impossible situation 24 hours a day 7 days a week and being pregnant and homeless because someone wants what you bled and almost died for, got raped repeatedly for, got beaten and falsely encarserated for and get threatened for ever hour of the day, is enough to make you lose your temper once in a while. I dont even get to shine at my greatest achievements, things that have touched the world. Its the biggest hoax of the 21st century. They made the world hate me, for no other reason than they were just to freaken lazy to come up with their own material.
Everytime I am made an offer of my own money or accomplishments, because of the Autism, it takes to long to process and by the time I figure out what is happening, they take back the offer and I am again left with nothing. Either that, or I just dont know how to accept the offer legally in the first place. Traveling should have nothing to do with whether or not you get what you rightfully earned. I am not traveling trying to get 2, and I wish all those people would leave me alone. I didn't grow up talking like that and if I never hear that phrase ever again, i will be thankful.
Luv ya Obama, I think you are wonderful. I have to travel now as I am in the middle of the desert.
Luv ya Dad, and mom (even though you are still in a glamour competition everyday of your life.)
Luv ya Kendall and Beth
Luv ya to all the old friends and to all the kids I love you to regardless of what the lying men in carhearts say. I am sorry that you are being lied to.

This is how I got to spend 5 hours in a hotel, truthful account of events....
Met a man in the middle of the desert at 3 in the morning. He was drunk and on his way to eat at the 24 hour restaurant. I asked him outside if he had a place I could go inside til 7 or 8 in the morning as it was freezing outside. He said yes, that wouldn't be a problem and that he lived somewhere nearby. He said he would call a taxi. I agreed because I was desparate and exhausted. After attempting to call the cab, he said that the cab people weren't answering the phone and that he would just have to rent a hotel. I assumed he said this because he didn't think he could make it home on his own. He rented a room and said that I could stay til morning. I thanked him and we went in, no he had no wedding ring on so I wasn't worried but still asked if he was married and would it be a problem to house a pregnant girl for 4 hours. He said no.
We get up to the room and he starts treating me as if I am some sort of escort. I quickly enlighten him to the fact that I am nothing of the sort and could he stop pushing personal space boundaries, he then tells me that he feels like a sucker that he rented the room only because of me and then tells me that I made him feel bad about himself. RED FLAG.... I was nothing but polite to this man, to a fault that was pushing my limits. I thanked him and told him that I would leave, he insisted that I stay and then he left, telling me to be sure to be out by 11. I agreed and that was that. Also he took a shower before he left. I am thankful to this man but am afraid because he tryed to pull the "transference of blame" game that is classic of mental abuse, of what he told the rest of the world.
Also last night I was confronted by a complete stranger about taking an alcohol and drug test in order to stay in the lobby of a hotel. I found this completely invasive as I only needed a place to stay for a couple of hours and they mentioned that I would have to "follow" while there. Follow who? I dont just follow anyone. I declined, not because I was afraid to take a drug/alcohol test , but becuase my word should be enough as I dont lie. Especially for a couple of hours. If my father asked me to take a test for him, no problem, nothing to hide, but for a complete stranger that I knew for a moment, I dont think so. This happened before I met the drunk man.

PS the entire time I have been typing this I have been verbally harassed! There hasn't been a moment passed that I have been allowed to type in peace without someone insinuating that I have alterior motives for participating in something that litterally keeps me sane. It has been to much for them to extend a pieceful half hour without their snide comments. Ill comments directed at me for no reason at all. I dont even know these people and I dont know how they dont consider what they are doing harassment. They get away with harassing me in one form or another everyday.
I am asking the universe to get these stalking convicts out of my life as that is a lifestyle I have no interest in. I am pleading with the universe to remove them from my existance as I am no criminal, no theif, no murderer, no drug user, no child molester, no con artist, can you get me away from these people as I have been mistakenly put amongst a population of people I have nothing in common? Its not that I dont have compassion for them, its just that I dont live my life that way and I never will. You cant convince me that traveling makes you guilty of something. I am traveling to find a home for me and my baby. No other reason.
I am asking to be surrounded by positive, flamboyant, creative, law abiding people that dont play games with peoples lives because they have their own goals and dreams and thrive on contributing something to this world. Someone please help me, I am very tired I am tired of being surrounded by filth.......mind, body, and spirit. You would understand if you were me.

Everything you see me participate in is not a game, I was never playing.

AGAIN, i HAVE AUTISM AND I AM AFFECTED GREATLY BY THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY. IF SOMETHING MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE, i LEAVE. iT ONLY TAKES ONE MISPLACED PHRASE OR ACTION THAT i TAKE LITTERALLY AND i AM OUT OF THERE.
UNFORTUNATELY, YOU SEEM TO THINK THAT IF i DONT AGREE TO BE "READY" THAT i AM SOMEHOW AGREEING TO "SELL" MY CHILD. ALL OF YOU ARE BEYOND REDICOULOUS. i DONT ADHERE TO YOUR SILLY RULES ABOUT LIFE. i ABIDE BY THE LAW AND DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO PROVE SOMETHING TO STRANGERS THAT DONT CARE ABOUT ME AND THAT ARE TRYING TO WIN SOME SORT OF GAME.
THE BABY IS NOT FOR SALE AND iM NOT GETTING AN ABORTION. NONE OF YOU SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT I LOVE THIS CHILD AND THIS MATTER IS NO LONGER UP FOR DEBATE.
THAT DISGUSTING MAN IS NOT THE FATHER OF THIS CHILD. YOU SHOULD NEVER BE THINKING THAT MY LIFE IS SOMEHOW YOUR BUSINESS. YOU DIG THROUGH MY TRASHM, TELL ME WHEN AND WHERE i CAN BE AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA THAT YOU ARE NOT MY KEEPER.
i AM A DECENT SMART INTELLIGENT AND OVERSTRESSED PERSON THAT DESERVES TO LIVE UP TO HER FULL POTENTIAL. iM SICK OF YOUR LIES AND YOUR ATTEMPTS AT PUTTING ME UNDERGROUND.
iF I LEAVE AN AREA, IT IS BECAUSE i DONT THINK THAT i CAN MAKE A GOOD LIFE IN THAT ENVIRONMENT.
yOU HAVE ALIENATED ME FROM ALL MY OLD FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND i DONT APPRECIATE YOUR CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS OF THEFT IN ORDER TO TRY AND GET ME ARRESTED. AND NO, YOU WONT BE GIVING ME A SHOT FOR A MENTAL DISORDER THAT i DONT HAVE. yoU ARE REALLY GOING TO GO TO HELL. Especially for your accusations of hanus crimes that you continue to blame a girl with no resources in which to pull off a certain crime. You have accused me of everything and a lot of people have used me as their scapegoat. GO FIND ANOTHER FREAKEN SCAPEGOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE POSITION FOR MEAN, CRUEL, JERKS, THAT NEED TO USE SOMEONE ELSE IN LIFE TO LEVERAGE THEMSELVES HAS BEEN FILLED AND THERE IS A WAITING LIST.......UNFORTUNATELY.
I dont know why you think that you get to dictate my ability to have fun or eat. I am not in a concentration camp.....or am I? Im always harassed and you never leave me alone.

i SHOULD BE TELLING YOU WHETHER OR NOT YOU GET TO EAT AFTER ALL THAT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH. aND WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK THAT YOU ARE OF SOME HIGHER CLASS THAN ME? yOU ALWAYS THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU PUT ON A GREY SHIRT THAT YOU ARE SOMEHOW SOME SORT OF ROYALTY? PLEASE, YOUVE NEVER EVEN STEPPED OUT OF YOUR OWN TIME ZONE OR SPENT 30 DAYS SLEEPING ON THE STREET, OR STARVED YOUR ASS OFF, OR FROZE IN THE SNOW FOR YOUR SUPPOSED "KINGDOM" AND YOU EXPECT ME TO REALLY TAKE ANYTHING YOU SAY SERIOUSLY. tALK TO ME IN 5 YEARS AFTER YOU HAVE SURVIVED WITH NO RESOURCES AND THEN MAYBE I WILL ENTERTAIN YOUR STATEMENTS THEN. UNTIL THEN, I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU.
CARHEART PEOPLE, LEAVE ME ALONE. i AM NOT ONE OF YOU.
STOP STALKING ME.

Im still confused, I dont understand how yu can be innocent one moment and then guilty again the next.

These people dont understand that I am totally autistic. I am not a terrorist. I dont understand what is going on around me or why I am being held responsible for things that I dont understand or have knowledge of. Im so tired. It never seems to get better and as usual when ED gets involved in any portion of my day, I am again threatened with the electric chair. Why cant I just be homeless and have places to stay here and there without being accused of something. I have no agenda and I dont understand how to "do" or what that means. Im so tired of being mentally played with so that Tara can have my life. Im not playing games and they never stop trying to play games with my life.
I miss my friend Kendall, Im so tired of trying to live without friendship or love and I am totally tired of just having myself to lean on.
Ive been beyond tired and nauseous today. I felt like i got hit by a vehicle, barely able to move around. Its aweful. Im so tired. Most of my pregnancy being denied to a large population and me always having to be on the move everyday constantly pursued by conartists and people trying to take away people I care about.
I saw a picture of Prince Harry tonight and I smiled. Prince Harry looks like my baby's dad and it provided comfort to a girl that has litterally been on her own the entire duration of this pregnancy. Its been so hard to be alone. Im so tired of people fighting over the rights to my child. I am a great person with increadible morals. I dont steal or talk badly about people, I dont understand why people keep lying about me. Its breaking my heart that they are trying to pass my kid off as the offspring of some overgrown oaf that resembles my uncle Ed. Not the case. I miss normal people. Freespirited, openminded people that dont find fault with people for rediculous things that dont matter. I miss my friends.
Im going to end up dead if someone doesn't stop my uncle ED. He wont stop trying to hurt me and I have now met a couple people that have already spoken of an "accident" happening to me. As a matter of fact, there was a gas leak in the motel that I stayed in on the eastern city that I stayed at. I cant help but wonder if that was on purpose. It was centralized in my room. He's been wanting me dead for a very long time but then again, so has the united nations. They tried to kill me in August of 2007. I was kidnapped and brought to this location where everyone kept passing by to "view" me in the room they had placed me all saying "it is just"and talking of operations to remove body parts of mine as well as killing me if I was cooperative. I was drugged and attacked almost the entire time. I am so tired of people trying to use me as some reason to hurt another or my own life. I cant get these crazy people out of my life. They wont leave me alone or stop threatening me. Im so nauseated I just want a normal existance and the ability to deal with just the pregnancy. Im such a love I dont deserve to be exposed to such harshness.
I think I have something figured out, it is T that might be my biggest problem. I am safe when I am in American territory or when I am in the Kings circle. Such compassion in that place and a feeling of love and safety and geniune care for all involved. But when exposed to A or T my life is harsh and there is no compassion. Its taken me until today to make the distinction. No wonder William was so angry with me for so long. I had no idea though while it was happening. He must have thought that it was on purpose. He must have thought that I was on the opposite side on purpose. But that wasn't the case, I just had no knowledge of what was happening. I am autistic and it takes forever to process information when not being exposed to traumatic events and even longer when I am being subjected to such harsh treatment and mental head games. Now that I have it partially figured out, Ill know where to "try" and stay within the lines. Ill forget somethings along the way but will remember them again hopefully soon, thats what its like having autism.
People are still accusing me of wanting 2, and I STILL dont know what the hell they are talking about.
All I really know is that I miss my sis, Kendall. Her and Beth are really the only people I will miss (with the exception of my family on both sides) if they decide to completely ignore me and the baby's existance. I love them but really didn't know that there weren't more people like them on this earth. Of all the thousands of people that I have met, I have yet to find their replacements. There are none, and I am forever affected. I miss my old life and the people in it. Right now I am surrounded by people I dont have the ability to relate to.

I am being wrongly convicted and treated like a criminal

Thanks to a collaborative effort from everyone that hates me, I am being accused, I hear through the grapevine, of stealing a vehicle. Yet another desparate attempt to make me look bad. I am NOT going to federal prison for no reason or for something that someone made up.
Also I am being watched like a hawk by police in stores such as Target for no apparent reason. The only thing that I can think of is that maybe someone lied and told them that I stole something in the recent past because why else would they be watching me so closely. I dont understand the obsession with trying to destroy an innocent persons life.
THIS IS MY BLOG SITE, NOTE TO THE GIRL THAT IS PASSING MY WRITING AND INFORMATION OFF AS HER OWN BECAUSE YOU ARE ENCRIPTING MY SITE......YOU ARE THE LAZIEST SACK OF &*@$# i HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF BEING ATTATCHED TO.
As far as the ultimate lyer himself goes...ED....I cant believe he has followers. I guess they are really following me because the man hasn't stopped stalking and harassing me for the last years. He lies to everyone about me. And these people that prop their foot out, heel touching the ground with toes in the air.........whatever, you can all bow to an overgrown buffoon if you want but me personally, I dont threaten peoples body parts for having a a normal functioning lifestyle.com
Im pregnant and behind enemy lines. I hate this existance I am totally isolated from people I have something in common with. These assholes just implied that I should douche. Talk about going to rot in hell, I have no hope of my life getting better and they are talking about me douching. Hey joh(not referring to the baby's real father in San Mateo) and every other man out there that cant seem to handle "no" for an answer... go fuck yourself, you were always an insensitive asshole and I dont suspect that 4 years has changed your self centeredness. I hate having to be subjected to people that think they are superior to you all the while haven't even attempted to try and live like you. I give up on humanity. Everything is always about sex to you isn't it? "customers", and prostitution, no thoughts about how a woman might have some sort of worth without opening her legs. I am just ill thinking that you actually exist in that sort of lifestyle. Im asking you to leave me alone with all of that thinking. I no longer am under your spell and I can see past all of that. You are not me! Only I am me.

These people all think that I am some sort of prisoner to them

Ive never seen such a large group of people that somehow think that they "own" me. Im so tired of slimey, dirty, unscrewpulous people in my life. I never associated with any of these people on a personal level so I am unsure of how they have attatched themselves to me. I dont understand why the entire world is trying to have some sort of "issue" with me. They treat me like dirt constantly denying me the right to have a normal existance all the while making boocoo bucks off my business ideas and my writing.
Here I am pregnant and trying to find work and I have a bunch of people that have never even attempted to step out of their comfort zone trying to control and make fun of my existence. Rediculous. Im tired of stupid lazy ass people that dont know the first thing about anything trying to tell me something about life.
Kelly Rippa copped some sort of attitude the minute that I set foot inside the temp agency that was within walking distance, saying "YA" to me for nothing. My life is not a game, and as usual I am not playing. Ive had it with caddy remarks from a population that has no knowledge of what its like to be me, especially kelly Rippa. Let me ask you Kelly if you know what its like to never have a safe place to go, or to have your pregnancy always ignored and lied about, to have every business idea you've ever had capitolized on and all funds stolen from you and to be hated by everyone because some spoiled little bitch like you found some sort of problem with a pregnant homeless girl? Your selfishness amazes me. I am mortified that someone like you that has been allowed to be at your best and have success without always being pushed down by someone that has more resources than you and now has a beautiful family would cop some sort of "I have you all figured out" attitude toward me. You dont even know me and people like you keep accusing me of acting the minute I have a smile on my face or am able to laugh and enjoy a smidgeon of my own existance. You treat me worse than a freaken dog.
I never allowed to be myself, Im so tired of this. Kendall doesn't even know the person that I have become anymore. 5 1/2 years on the street, traumatized and homeless changes a person in ways that Kendall wont ever be able to relate to. Theres no way that a pampered princess could possibly judge whether or not I am acting when shes never been out in the rain without an umbrella let alone tossed outside and hated by a mass population for 5 years exposed to the worst forms of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. How on earth would she know what in the world is going on with me. Im pregnant and homeless for god sake, nothing of which she has ever experienced. It seems like its real easy to talk badly about people as you are using them and skipping off to the bank with all their creativity. No offense to her, because I still, after all the unfairness, consider her a sister but she really isn't the expert on this situation. Her hostility toward me, just as with everyone else is completely unfounded and without reason. Not to mentioned that I had a full blown mental breakdown where I litterally lost my ability to cognate words and phrases, not able to process incoming words or sentences because of the trauma brought on by all these peoples games and theatrics, blaming me for things that I have no knowledge of and exposing me to cruelties like head games all day every day. Its happened 3 times in the last month and a half. Its a reoccuring phenomina when exposed to excess truama. It starts with studdering and then suddenly I cant process incoming information like phrases. I hear them but its like the meaning of the words doesn't register and I strain to process the meaning of the simplest of words (the, what, how etc.) Then when I have to reply, I cant find the words that Im looking for. I strain and all I get is equivalent to a gear thats been stuck and wont shift. It also feels like Ive run out of whatever lubricates the thought processes, this gets worse when I dont eat, I am hypoglycemic and need sugar as well as food to think, being autistic.
Im so tired of weird complete strangers looking for reasons to condemn me. My world is not the same as yours, I am autistic and not only are you extremely abusive to treat me the way you do with such disdain for no reason at all but you are vicious with your inability to leave me alone and allow for normal processes throughout the day. That is why I rented a hotel room. I was at my mental limit, I needed a day away from the world. As predicted you didn't have the decency to chalk it up to that, you had to accuse me of yet another atrocity. You have attatched a rediculous meaning to everything around me. I am not allowed to be a part of anything that I need in order to exist happily. And now that I have tryed to get a job you have accused me of wanting 2 again! Why dont you just leave me the hell alone, you are abusive and no I am not interested in being someones freaken girl on the side. I just want to be employed and with normal rights and have the ability to make money off my own business ideas and raise my child without you pushing me around. I am pregnant and happy........Leave me alone, Ive asked you a million times and you continue to treat me like shit. I do not have to pass your tests, I am a person not an animal and your version of truth and life are not mine.
Marc Arnaud, I would appreciate you getting out of my life as I gave you a chance to be a decent person when I was in Arizona and instead you used my presence as an opportunity to threaten me. Yes, I know everyone thinks that you tried so hard to help but they weren't there behind closed doors to hear the threat and the hostility in your voice when you "told" me that I was "going to do or else" were they? Also you, threatened me for using my legs, challenging me in a hostile way to "keep walking" when I had no knowledge of what you were talking about. Then they weren't there also when you gave "permission" to have the ability to urinate, were they. In your words staying out on your porch long enough had "earned" my ability to urinate. If thats not completely abusive red flag behavior I dont know what is. So you and all your friends can continue to lie to the world all the while intentionally inflicting harm to me all you want but that doesn't mean that I have to ever associate with you again on purpose or if I can help it. Kindly remove yourself from my life.
Its funny how I am attacked all the time but no one knows about the abuse that has been going on out of your view. You just think I am some sort of monster person and you have it all wrong you dont even know that you have been lied to. I dont know why it hasn't occured to you to ask my side of the story.
This brings me to Katie Holmes whom is mad at me for reasons that are also unclear to me. I am unsure of how my life is in anyway related to hers but for some reason she is mad at me also. I am autistic and have an aversion to the color forest green for my own reasons. She has now taken this personally and maybe I would understand if someone explained it to me.
People keep treating me like I am some sort of bad person and I have nothing but good intentions. The fact that I am even able to smile after all that has happened to me is a miracle. You should be proud of my resilience to an impossible situation, not hissing at me for not even knowing what your talking about.I ask god and the universe to forgive you everyday lately as most of you dont even know that your hatred is misdirected, and as for the ones that are intentionally harming my life, I still ask that you be forgiven becuase when I exit this planet I want to be positive that I did my best to be a good person, my learning experiences here fulfilled as I am not in a hurry to repeat this life in the next. I am expecting a beautiful life next time around and I am evolved enough to know that your ignorance doesn't equal my future, in this life or the next. I have never had bad intentions, that is something you made up.

I would appreciate all the weird overzealous stalkers to exit my life. I am not a part of your group and apparently you have never heard of false imprisonment, which basically is what you are doing by controlling my environment. I grew up with very normal people, those are my companions on this earth, not you. They have way to much going on than to stalk me everywhere I go and deliver ultimatums except of course the ones that of course have stolen from me.
Also could the "wedding party" quit playing games with my life, you would think that given the wedding and everything that you would have better things to do with your time than to try and make my life more difficult than it already is. I really dont want the groom, you can stop trying to test me now as it is totally rediculous that you cant accept the fact that I am happy being pregnant even though I am on my own.
Also could you stop offering to get me "customers" as I am not some sort of prostitute nor will I ever be not to mention it is a huge insult. I have no desire to be "fancy". Find someone else. You make me ill.
The witch, did not win just because you need yet another way to try and make me look bad. Even though I love witches, I dont agree with you using a witch against me just because I try to find some faith in something.
Your desparate attempts at destroying my life and reputation are not only pathetic but are really close to receiving federal prison priviliges.

You keep calling me CAR ( a child molester) Im documenting every incident of slander

Good Morning America reported that I was "wet" around a chubby man that allowed me to stay at his house last night. After they reported that, they proceeded to call me "CAR"
You people are desparate to make me look bad. Im disgusted by your comments and Im convinced that you really will rot in hell.
Again now that I am in another city, you continue to make jail time deals with me for no reason. I've had it. Let me make this clear to you........
I AM NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING THIS YET? YOU CAN CALL ME OKAY ALL YOU WANT BUT THAT HAS NO BEARING ON THE TRUTH. YOUR JUST PISSED THAT YOU CANT PIN SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN ON ME. I AM A GOOD PERSON AND YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE ME LOOK TO THE WORLD LIKE SOME SORT OF DERELECT.
Also....all the men that continue to follow me around attempting to make me your lover, or girlfriend and play games that pit girl against girl, please remove yourself from my life. I am 34 years old and do not have time for immature games where you sit back and laugh while a bunch of girls fight over you. I am not interested in your kind of personality. Im looking for a man not a little boy, someone that is mature.
As a matter of fact being pregnant, I am in a really good space and dont even want a man in my life unless it is the baby's father which is a slim man in his mid 20's, not the robust man from canada that keeps showing a video taken illeagally and without my consent, saying that he is the baby's father. I only slept with the man from canada because supposedly someones "hand" was in jeopardy and I was under the impression that the only way to save a hand was to have sex with someone I wasn't attracted to in the first place. He is a slimeball that took advantage of my naivety.
Get out of my life military! I have respect for your job but have no urge to live your lifestyle. Im listening to this man on CNN right now on the "Fareed Zakaria" Show (the white man) say that he will use me "for example" meaning the government plans on punishing me further for no reason other than a bunch of "good ol boys" dont accept truth very well. They are so used to me being their scapegoat that now they intend on trying to hurt me yet again. And no I dont intend on trying to make Suri starve I said that in my last blog and I heard right now that the I thinks that it is "just" based on someone saying that I wanted Suri to starve. What a crock!!!!! I dont want anyone to starve. These people and their games are on my last nerve. I am not here to pass your rediculous set up tests. If I eat my food on a certain color bowl or dish it means absolutely nothing!!!!!! You are ruining my life over the slightes of assumptions. You are destroying friendships and relationships of people that care about me based on the color of a dish. ABSURD!!!!!!!! I want a NORMAL life. My actions are not premeditated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im a regular person and you act like I am putting national security in jeopardy over the color of a dish.....Im really tired of you. Cant you just give me some room to be a person? Ive been on the move forever, my body and mind are exhausted and you keep demanding frivilous things of me. You should be strung up for your mental cruelty. I am not nor ever have been playing your dumb game and yet you still keep trying to jail me for normal actions.
Why do you keep lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are so desparate to jail me that you twist and distort the facts constantly to make me look like a criminal. Something that is totally explainable you turn into something its not. I wont allow you to continue to get away with this. I am not here for you to continue to smear my reputation. I am not a criminal and if my Grandma had to pay for something that you said wasn't paid for, you just took money from old lady, when the situation was already paid for. So now you not only owe me an appology but you owe my Grandmother her money back!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You've accused me in a public arena of something, didn't give me a chance to tell you what happened, lied to the public and said that it for certain happened,and then took money from my grandmother. Which means that my grandmother actually thinks it happened. You are going down for slander and money extortion.

Also if another man, says to me that he was a kid, Im going to say yeah right, sure you are. Im a kid too, right. Hey if your going to take that angle then we are all children. You so full of shit.
Copyright March 15, 2009 9:31 am La. Issel

You keep handing Tara my life and now you want to give her my baby? Are you on @@##%^$^&$$# crack?

This is not up for discussion. This is not a surrogate pregnancy, or anything of the sort. Back off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your messing with a pregnant mother. My life is not supposed to revolve around you . You keep handing my entire life over to this person for no other reason than you have some personal vendetta out for me. What is your problem. Youre so freaken spoiled that you think that I shouldn't stand up to you when you are trying to yank my entire existance right out from underneth me and hand it to Tara? What the heckdo you think this is all about? You are not taking my child. Are you getting this yet. I am not some foreign person without a greencard I am a person, who is pregnant, with my baby. Do you not understand that you are going to rot in hell. I am not making some 15 year deal as I have done nothing wrong. You keep making me look like a bad person to the entire planet all the while you are directly involved and responsible for the torment that I am going through. I am not looking at knit sweaters because of guy!!!!!!!! I am looking at knit sweaters because while at the yarn shop I saw some awesome baby portraits taken with knitted sweaters on.
i want to cry as this is an up hill battle all the time. Im so tired of this. Ive done nothing to deserve any of this. I might thouroughly hate you for this one. You've taken every material possession I have ever had and now you want my own flesh. What else can I say but "go fuck yourself" And I mean that as the most upstanding lady.

It is clear the kind of abuse I endured in my past relationship (the one lasting 5 1/2 years) as I have now met another that displays the same tactics

He really had me going thinking that I might have met a new friend, all the while plotting behind my back tactics in which to sway the general population into not believing a word I said. No one believes me and in a moment when he was feeling very comfortable he let it slip that that was the plan all along. Im disgusted that there are people out there that plan other peoples demise. I am mortified that I have fallen for the same con almost six years later.
I met a man . He presented himself as a friend and even offered to help me. I am totally hurt to think that he snickered as his family jeered and laughed at me all the while presenting himself in the car as someone that has my best intrest in mind. I called him last night to see if he could offer an explanation of why he and his family would treat someone like that. I decided to forgive him because he really wasn't the one that thrust such horrid comments at me while at his families house even though he laughed.
He agreed to meet me the morningsothat I could try and find another shelter in which to go to, since my whole world consists of trying to find shelter and dodging mean,hurtful,cruel,stalker people that seem to be under the impression that they somehow own me. We drove for approximately 5 minutes and in that time he began telling me that I just "imagined" what had happened to me the night before. What a crock!!!!!!! Whoever he had listening to us in the car he did not want to know what had happened. I was not about to be called crazy for something that not only was extremely abusive and humiliating but had definitely happened! I told him that for him to try and "cover" up what had happened was an addition slap in the face after I had already been through courtesy of his family. Rather than appologize for their behavior he was now trying to further humiliate me. I looked him directly in his eyes and said "I wont accept anything less than an appology, as I was willing to forgive and forget" He agreed. Then as we continued to drive about another mile he blurts out that "they are with me" his exact verbage and suddenly gets very smug as a license plate passes us ending in 090 which has a governemental meaning.
I was flabbergasted as I had just forgave him not even a moment earlier and already he was displaying a "competitive" demeanor.
Something else happened, that I wont go into or even try to explain as it is lengthy to explain and he started crying. At this point I asked him to pull the vehicle over, I wanted out. Here is the reason....
Suddenly all the years of emotional abuse that I had gone through with Jake suddenly made sense as I now had the same scenario unfolding before me as I was riding with Reese.
It seems clear now, the kind of abuse I endured while I was with Jake. There were many times in our relationship that I would attempt to explain my side of the story to him or someone else and everyone would not only DENY that it happened but try to make it sound like I was crazy. When I refused to believe that I was crazy and just "imagining" all of it, Jake would start fake crying. It was an evolution of carefully meditated and planned synchonicity of events that always emerged but that I didn't recognize until it happened again almost 6 years later.
This is a carefully planned system of abuse that is used to erode the self esteem of the victim and make them question their own sanity. Once this has been successfully applied to the victim, the agressor starts crying in order to take back control of the victims initial questioning of motive. Once there are tears most people, and the agressors know this, are programmed to stop everything and tend to the needs of the person crying. If you happen to recognize the motives, you get out. If you dont recognize, as the victim, the tactic,you are suddenly sucked in to once again ignoring all of your own needs and concentrating on the one crying. He now has regained control where he initially lost it once you started not accepting "Im crazy" as an answer to the problem. Its really ingenious becuase I never knew it was happening to me. Thats how smooth he was. Today...not the case. I walked away for the first time at fourth red flag that was thrown my way, rather than waiting for millions of others to show up and 5 lost years under my belt. I am proud of myself. I finally gotit.Who says you never learn from your mistakes? I have to tell you that I wasn't going to "date" this man but I did like him as a friend and thought that I had finally found a friend. I am really sad that that wasn't the case.
I found another person that would care and help only under the condition that everyone thought that I was crazy or interpreting things wrong. I didn't find someone that would genuinely be my friend. But hey, Im used to it, after all I have experienced this phenominom with countless others that need me to look crazy so they can retain "control" over me. It is this group of people that is trying to commit me. If I am committed they continue to get away with verbal, physical, and sexual harassment, not to mention the mental cruelty that has been going on for years now and what recourse will I have? None. The answer to every complaint I have about the cruelty of their actions will be that I am crazy. It is their intention, just like Reece had mentioned yesterday, for no one to take me seriously or believe me. This is how they have gotten away with what they have done this far.

I also have to tell you that I recognized one of "Guy's" relatives just south of where I was this morning. Not only that but even further south I have recognized another individual that has been stalking me for the last 3 years at a casino. She is the sister of a woman that I met in Santa Ana CA. I have positively identified two stalkers in one day. I am alone and have to continue to deal with these people. The maternal side of my family should rot in hell for throwing me to the wind when all of them have extra space for me, rather than to keep me safe from these overzealous groups of people that are trying to keep tabs on myself.

While at the casino I was reading about how the indians were of course forced off their land and flung on to a reservation. Once there,they were promised all sorts of things from the government, cattle, supplies, clothing, etc which never arrived. They suffered. I almost started crying as I can relate to always having to move from place to place with no resources or supplies. Everytime my uncle decides he has "conquored" an area his people tell me to "move" Everytime I become familiar with my surroundings I am told by one of his people to move or be arrested for nothing. This is why he really should rot in hell. Hes like Hitler when it comes to me. I am native american 37% to be exact and he has no right to continue to harass my where abouts. He is the one that doesn't want the world to know that I am pregnant because it is my birthrite before his to inherit what I stand to inherit. I litterally hate him for all his lies and what he has put me through. Not to mention his constant attempts to make it look to the world as if I am some sort of prostitute. He's a coward. If I were him I might be a coward also given the fact that he has lied so much that he probably questions what lies ahead in his fate if there is a God out there.

Im still being threatened for nothing with jail or a year outside, what ever other bogus crap they try to fling my way. Im sick of it. Again....Im not going to jail for something that I didn't do. That is against the law to arrest someone for nothing. I cant believe the shit that I am left with. Tara and Kendall's groups of people are still trying to blame the others groups of people for what has happened to my life and at this point I am unaware of whos telling the truth. All I know is that I am the victim of a fatal attraction and that everyone is trying to take my baby and all of my earnings they keep trying to give to "B". They lie about everything in order to get "B" the rights to my earnings.

They treat me as if I my body is their property. This kind of behavior is almost unbearable. The treat me as if I am supposed to travel constantly....Im never allowed my own "down time" Im litterally exhausted and left with absolutely nothing. They even treat my baby as if it is their property. I dont recieve respect from a single soul (Except Alice, the waitress at the casino....swak). Thats alright because God knowsthe real truth about whats going on. These people can lie, cheat, and threaten me all they want but in the end I will be vindicated, whether in life or in death,I am not afraid. Tired but not scared. This baby was meant to be here, it has fought to stay alive during such extreme amounts of stress put on the mother of the body it depends on.

I will continue to think of inspirational people and things as that is all these pushy cowards have left me with. People like Obama (whom I absolutely adore), the Safars (even though they themselves have also been lied to and swayed away from me), Whoopi Goldburg, George Lopez, Angelina Jolie (humanitarian efforts), and others. I dont know how I have endured all the cruelty, but there has got to be a light at the end of this tunnel. Theres no way that God put me through all of this and wouldn't protect me and this child in the end. Theres just no way he would do that to me. And I am not referring to these "living gods" that listen in on your thoughts and conversations but the one that will punish them for their audacity. I also believe in science and the universe.

I technically have nothing against no one, I never have. But these people.....they have on purpose tried to make a life a nightmare simply to hide something they themselves are guilty of. Their philosophy....get rid of me and they get rid of the only witness to their brutality. They are willing to do this at any cost to me, whether it be imprisonment, institutionalization, or my eventual death....they dont care, what ever it takes to put their own skeletons back in the closet they will do. Whats really funny is I've never set out to try and find "dirt" on other people, they always incriminate themselves and me being as nonjudgemental as I am will just chalk it up to someone making mistakes and living life............But them.............they are ready to forever alter my life as well as the life of my child based on the things that never happened or the smallest of discrepencies. Not to mention they pounce on the slightest imperfections, whether true or not like its some sort of damming vice.
No I didn't drink alcohol yet. I did ask for a glass of wine but never drank it once it arrived. No I didn't drink Vodka last night either, that was also a lie.

No offense to decent people out there but let me tell you something that I am getting really tired of,if i may. When you keep guilt tripping me about your head, your arms, your feet and hands, whether or not you were reading ect... Of course I care BUT you have any idea how it feels to finally get 3 hours to yourself after flinging yourself all over the country, traveling while pregnant, nauseous as can be, so that you are safe (all your body parts) and to finally be able to concentrate on something that makes me happy only to be tripped with what "you" lost. Im the one that has no official place to live as usual, no friends, no family, no money, no entertainment, no ability to travel without abuse and stalkers and you guilt trip me when you have all of these things. Like I said, its not that I dont care, its that Im tired of not having a life. Now Im pregnant, most pregnant people get to focus on their baby, you treat me as if I am your mammy. When do I ever get to focus on MY LIFE. I have been no less than a slave for the last 5 years and Im tired of making you money, expanding your business, and pretending that my own breath is somehow attatched to your lungs. I deserve a decent existance, most of the time I dont even get to laugh. You've taken everything that I've had to offer and have given spoils in return and no Im not trying to be rude. I cant even eat in peace, I always have a steady flow of stalkers prepared to talk loud enough for me to hear them while I am trying to unwind.

I am also tired of you trying to say that I am somehow racist. Not true, I love everyone and I am not going to continue to try and explain this repeatedly. The same goes for proving that I am pregnant. I am not going to live like some sort of paroleee and take a urine pregnancy test in every place I land to prove that I am pregnant. I told you I am pregnant and that should be enough for you to take my word for it becuase when I am 7 months pregnant and it is obvious, you will no longer be able to get away with trying to say that I am "faking" a pregnancy, and not only that, everyone that you lied to will know that you were just being vicious. I should not have to explain myself as much as I have had to thus far. I am an adult and dont find it necessary to convince a bunch of people that show me very little respect of much of anything. Got it.

Not trying to be rude just sick of petty things that waste my time. Im supposed to be bonding with my child right now, not catering to your never ending needs and rediculous demands that dont make sense.

No I dont want to starve Suri. Could you quit trying to make me look like i am some sort of bad person, I would appreciate it. I dont want to starve anyone. Last time Im going to say it. Get a grip as these accusations are desparate attempts to make me look bad to the world.

My feelings are so hurt and I dont know how people can be so calous

I really just have lost hope of someone treating me decently. I met this really nice person that broght me to his families house and they did everything they could to humiliate me. They had their 5 year old trained to grab himself and the older of the brothers accused me of "doing" his 5 year old brother right away. Then said every snide remark he could think of on the planet to try and make me feel bad about himself. Then they proceded to make fun of me as the older boy prepared to go watch an illeagally taken video of my sex life with his friends at their house. They taunted me with words and the mom gladly participated in the lynching. I am totally humiliated by cruel people. I have lost my ability to make up excuses for these kind of people.
These kind of people keep setting me up to look like a child molester and take great pride in trying to make it look like that is the case. I have no respect for people that use a five year old to lie their asses off.
Other than that went south to try and find a pregnancy shelter that would take me and found one but upon entering the facility was having flashbacks of being abducted and held against my will because the rooms and layout of the facility was identical to the facility that I was abused at. I couldn't stay. Too many bad memories of being beaten, injected with drugs that made me lose motor function in my legs and made me drule, not to mention the place where I was attacked at 3 months pregnant, the baby died after the attack. That happened when I was 30. Now at 34 I can manage to block out those memories but not in a place that looks identical.
I dont know how I have the will to survive such cruelties. I am not against the law and never have been. I hope despicable people like these rot in hell.
I have no actual problem with Reese but he was smiling while I was being taunted, I dont know what to think of him.

I am half numb almost all the way there

Peoples lies are tearing me apart. My life is in shambles and to have a peaceful day seems almost impossible. Now they are saying that love makes you a pow. Whats the point of this existance, then.
They make me out to look like the agressor and I am so exhaust that I cant keep up with the theatrical games they put before myself. Its like being forced to take a test that you've already passed a million times. They want me to prove things that I dont feel the need to prove to complete strangers. I decided not to take the test altogether, which means, I passed. Knowing your being tested is the true measure of whether or not you pass or fail. It is not the outcome that determines whether or not you pass. Especially when dealing with the kind of people I have been subjected to.
I met a wonderful person that helped me today and I feel very thankful. I dont know why but He thinks that I should have to go to the chair also. Im tired of living with a reputation that isn't mine. Nobody seems to know that I am the victim not the agressor.
Now they want to charge me with something that as usual, I didn't do. Seems completely unfair that you cant be pregnant and need to eat without having to be charged for a made up crime. Im losing hope in humanity. I guess this is all in an effort to save some other girl as usual. Make me look like a criminal and then she skips off with my life. Somehow that doesn't sound like a fair trade off.
Im hoping for a miracle at this point. I have a bunch of dirty people in my life willing to destroy my life and possibility of a future in order to further their own success. I am at a loss. I have people threatening me for every breath I take. Its impossible to live like a criminal when you have nothing in common with one in the first place.
They keep thinking that they have the right to force an adoption of my child on me, not going to happen. This child is not up for grabs. This is my child and there is no way it is going to be given up to anyone.
Now they are saying that "Annie" won? She won not only because I wasn't playing but also because there is nothing honest going on about the game. She wins when someone decides she wins not because of actual integrity. What kind of billionaire girl goes after a pregnant homeless girl and tries to make her her toy. Not going to happen.
Not here for that purpose either.
Ive just been informed that I am considered "okay" for having somewhere to stay last night and having food to nourish the pregnancy. These people are warped and should be locked up in a federal penetentiary for trying to destroy peoples lives for no other reason than they think I should have to live my life the way the live theirs. Ill never understand these people. I haven't done one thing wrong and they take it upon themselves to try and punish a life that is already in distress. I hope my uncle rots in hell as I am sure that he is behind this. I am not against america or other countries and these people keep treating me like public enemy #1. This is rediculous. No one should have had to go through the things that I have lived through.
All I wanted was to have a normal day without harassment today and I got called "okay" for being indoors and trying to decompress from the lack of respect and integrity that i am treated with on the street, and this man was willing to allow me the ability to sit in a room with no noise as I have reached my trauma threshold being abused with autism and let me just take back my mind from vicious people that have absolutely no respect for me.
Heres a message to those people....
You seem to think that my life is yours somehow yet you dont even treat me with the respect of how you would want to be treated but you expect me to adhere to your rediculous demands of homelessness and starvation while I am pregnant. You think that every thing is about fame and fortune and you never stop to consider the fact that I am a normal person (when you haven't subjected me to verbal and sexual harassment) that would appreciate some sort of respect and consideration. I never so much as EVER demand that you change your personality or life or to somehow STOP having the deficiencies that you have but you expect me to jump through your hoops like a freaken circus animal. You use me and my unborn child for your games and selfish needs of power and greed. Ive had it with your kind. I would appreciate you leaving me alone as I dont ever go out of my way to attempt to control your life in the slightest way. I am not a toy, I am a person and no matter what it is that you think I should do, I am not you nor will I ever be and I would appreciate you butting out of a life you dont even care about. U use me like a chess piece and I know it so you can call me "okay" all you want, I will still never conduct my life the way that you think that I should. I dont ever utter rediculous requests such as that of your life why is it that yu think that I would honor yours?
Copyright March 13, 2009 1:13 pm La. Issel

I did NOT want two! I am pregnant and had to eat as I have only had one meal in two days, your games are ruining my life and now my friend Bryce left

Because you lied. No I dont belong to "Guy" and if he doesn't get out of my life I will give out his name and address to federal authorities and wont stop there, I know where he works also. If you dont stop trying to play games with my life, I will find a way to end u. You have taken all of the joy out of life. I am beyond tired of stalkers. Same goes with my "para" trooper uncle.
Like I said, I dont play your rediculous games and that includes your freaken rules about food. I have had very little food, equivalent to two meals, in that last two days and I am pregnant. I am really tired of you and all your freaken lies. Im not trying to make sure either, its so old you just never stop making shit up as you go along.
Not to mention, I didn't even know that I was in the city that I am in until very late today. I thought that I was still in the same city as we didn't drive very far to get here.
I was hoping for a mature populous, but what I am getting doesn't remotely resemble that.
Whats the problem with yogurt anyway? Why does eating yogurt mean that you wanted two? I dont have time for this dumb ass way that you people spend time. I have better things to do than to try and find fault with people or to try and mess with someones life. You people that live like this make me sick.
Also, QUIT TRYING TO CHARGE ME FOR SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T DO. I AM NOT A THIEF NOR WILL I AGREE TO ANY JAIL TIME FOR SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T DO. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CARRY AROUND RECIEPTS FOR MONTHS ON END TO PROVE THAT I DIDN'T STEAL SOMETHING. NOBODY LIVES LIKE THAT. IF YOU EXPECT THAT OF ME THAN YOU SHOULD EXPECT THAT OF EVERYONE. THAT MEANS THAT 3/4 OF THE POPULATION WILL HAVE TO GO TO JAIL FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO PRODUCE RECEIPTS FOR THE CLOTHES THAT THEY HAVE ON OR THE BAG THAT THEY ARE CARRYING OR THE GUM IN THEIR MOUTH. THINK ABOUT IT.
I really would appreciate all you narrow minded judgemental people to remove yourselves from my life.

I suggest that you back off thinking that you have something to do with this child

If you point at my belly, you might be getting a fist in your face. As I have endured your constant harassment of this life, I will not permit you to treat this child as it is one of your "people". This child is of my flesh and blood and you are treading on a thin line when you think that you are somehow connected in the slightest way to my child. You will not treat me as if I am some sort of "baby maker". I will not tolerate the slightest disrespect of my pregnancy, my life or my child. You are pushing it, I am warning you, DO NOT TEST ME ON THIS AS YOU WILL SEE A SIDE OF ME THAT YOU HAVE NEVER DREAMED OF. I have tolerated your selfish mistreatment of me thinking that you are of a higher class than I all the while you have yet to make your own money, let alone turn something into nothing. U ar weak by comparison and you know it. This baby is not some mini soldier to be used in your rediculous view of how important you think you are. You can threaten me with the electric chair all you want but I know that I have done nothing wrong. Your lazy pathetic selfish ass has taken everything I have ever had and you will take this baby only over my dead body, prepare to fight because I have waited my whole life to have this child and you have some fucking nerve. Of course I will name this child as I have no intention of giving it up to you or someone else. How utterly pompous of you to think otherwise. You must mistake me for your personal donkey. I will eat, drink and be whatever I want in this life and you have a lot of gall thinking you have something to do with whether or not I have this child.
Being on the street I managed to produce a positive cash flow of $250,000/month with my own writing, what can you say for yourself that you would even think that you were somehow better than I when you threatened with the word "YA" when I refered to my own child. Because of lazy, selfish people such as yourself, MY HARD EARNED MONEY WAS GIVEN TO SOME LITTLE &*@$# THAT REFUSED TO THINK FOR HERSELF. INSTEAD OF MAKING IT ON HER OWN SHE IS NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR THE THEFT OF LYRICS AND MONEY THAT ISN'T HERS SIMPLY BECAUSE MY LAWYER LEAKED INFORMATION TO THE OTHER SIDE. Dont ever treat this child as if you have something to do with it ever again. I DONT KNOW YOU AND THAT IS HOW IT WILL REMAIN. pSYCHOPATH
(none of this intended toward the baby's father)
Copyright March 12, 2009 12:19pm L. Issel
(you cant cough at my name or the baby's father's name, you really are pushing me)
wHOOPi gOLDBERG IS MY INSPIRATION, i CAN handle this if she could handle it.

Im traumatized

Fuck you, you haven't even been throught 1 100th of what Ive been through. You keep calling me jealous and lying about everything. I am a goody two shoes at my worst and you keep accusing me of things that I have no knowledge of. Im sick of this entire thing. I have never been against the law and you keep making up dumb, no logic, having rules about who and what I am in life. I have grown tired of you using me. I am not a mobster or a gangster, I am a person that is a part of this life to make a difference, for good things not to be used as your dumb ass mobster scapegoat. I am closer to caring about the FBI than I am to caring about your lawbreaking threats of sending an innocent person to the fucking electric chair. You threaten me for everthing. You traumatized me yesterday and all I was trying to do is get away from lazy ass people that cant make their own lives, they have to steal from mine. I was trying to register for the baby registry, you know for the baby that you have lied to the world about and said wasn't in existance. You want my friends and family, my money, my research, and now my baby......FUCK YOU! Why dont you tried actually putting the effort of 5 years of meeting people and being on the street. Eating certain foods and driving north or south doesn't make one iota of difference as to whether "you are, or you're not" you have got to be the dumbest fucking group of mobsters I have ever met. You actually have to physically place your self somewhere in order to feel important because you know that you dont have the brain capacity to be something without your braun. Ive been tolerant, and I have run out of patience for your dumb ass games and I am far from a fucking prostitute. The baby's fathers REAL NAME IS JOHN, NO REFERENCE TO THE JOHN FROM 4 YEARS AGO, you fucking dumb ass. (no offense to him though). He's 24 years old and lives by coyote point in San Mateo.
Now I find out that my uncle has a fucking "hit" out on me, fabulous! Just what I need, the buffoon is pissed because he is also a dumb ass. I hate this planet. None of you are worth all this effort, you dont even believe in actual laws. You keep trying to blame myself for all your crimes.

QUIT USING MY BLOGS ALSO YOU LAZY PIECE OF ....... GET YOUR OWN INFORMATION, I KNOW THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK OF YOU, RIGHT, TO ACTUALLY USE YOUR OWN BRAIN INSTEAD OF TAKING CREDIT FOR ALL WORDS I BROUGHT TO THE TABLE, LIKE "ME, MYSELF, YA, IM TRAUMATIZED, THIS GIRL" YOU FUCKING DISGUST ME. I HOPE ALL YOU LAZY FUCKING PATHETIC EXCUSES FOR PEOPLE THAT KEEP THREATENING MY FOOD INTAKE GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU QUALIFY YOURSELF FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR. I HAVE NEVER SO MUCH AS EVER TRIED TO HURT YOU OR YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU RIDE THE CURTAILS OF A GIRL THAT HAS NOTHING THANKS TO YOU. ROT IN HELL.

Sorry about the cussing but I have officially lost my temper. I've tolerated being pulled in thousands of directions for years now and I guess I just get really tired of not being able to reap the benefits of my hard work, or my research. Im tired of people getting credit for wearing their skin while I SUFFER on my journey of trying to pull myself out of this sesspool life that these lazy ass bastards keep myself in while they sit on their asses and plagerize everything I ever have created.
How would you feel? Now you expect my pregnant self to fling myself to yet ANOTHER location so that someone else will be safe. I really am a good person and I probably will honor your request but...................WHEN DOES IT EVER END!!!~!!!!!!
I no longer wish to live like a freaken refugee running from hanus military factions. I have the strength of someone that has attended boot camp and I have lived like a forgotten soldier, but I have no urge what so ever to be a part of the military and you keep requesting that I live like a freaken green barret or something.
I am a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And would appreciate the ability to have a SANE existance fully equipped with a dress once in a while. Makeup also, and a date with a really handsome irresitable man that adores me. How would you feel? I didn't get credit for not even one thing that I accomplished in the last 5 years. Ive grown tired of not starting to demand SOMETHING in return. That doesn't make me bad or greedy and if you even take it there I will have lost all respect for you. It is completely normal to reap what you sow, not normal to be living like a criminal when you dont even come close to EVER breaking the law. I am a kind, gentle person that has finally had it with your threats and tactics to make me look bad. I have done nothing to deserve this sort of treatment not only by law enforcement, the FBI, the military, the country, the celebrities but by complete strangers that continue to stalk and threaten myself on the street. I have lost my ability to be the slightest bit understanding of your viewpoint as you continue to live your life the way you always have all the while expecting me to twist myself inside out to prove something to you in order to have the slightest of spoils in life.......absurd.
You have a lot of nerve and gall to use my fathers words in the same proximity to me and if you dont watch yourself you will have me to deal with. You DO NOT use my family (not one of them) in your lingo for the smallest of reasons, you got it? You have put me through hell and back and have lied your asses off to everyone that has not only cared about me but that I love dearly, including my father. I love everyone that I have ever shared blood with and you have managed to turn them against me. If my father doesn't believe me that is your fault. And I hope you choke on your coughing as it is a tactic not only to disturb me but also to try and exert your force over me. Its obvious that you dont take losing control over me very lightly. Too bad, be prepared to be very disappointed from here on out. I will not let you continue to destroy my life or the life of this child.
Your selfishness has already taken almost the entire duration of my pregnancy. I have very little time to bond with my child as I spend my whole day dodging criminals, theives, plagerizers, greedy lazy ass people that use me to propel themselves forward, and having to move from place to place to keep you happy. I would appreciate some of my own happiness, thank you very much. Keep saying YA! you have no freaken clue what you speak of! Its like listening to someone trying to speak of genetics with a third grade education. You "YA" me all the time and have never even come close to living in my shoes. Pathetic.
You dont ever allow myself the opportunity to live my life, to be a part of the things that I need to keep me sane. The computer keeps me sane, and it has nothing to do with being against "the eye" Im so tired of hearing things like "its just" when I attemp to focus and calm myself down with either window shopping or writing via computer or by pen. Get a grip! You have your favorite activities in life but you treat me as if I am not allowed my own personality. Everytime I try to do something that I enjoy (ie, the baby registry, writing, computer work or learning) you try to make me look like a bad person. You sit there and threaten me with your "okay" remarks. I am a real person. Not your freaken toy, get used to it!
Maybe you wouldn't be seeing or sensing this much anger if you would have allowed for natural processes of the mind and evolution of the spirit a long time ago. You have yourself to blame if you are dissatisfied with something about myself as I have whole heartedly, and to a fault, spent the last 5 years twisting myself inside out for you as a populous. I will now sometimes ignore what you say I am focusing on myself right now becuase you never rescued me from all this anyway. Why wait around for you to do whats right for one more moment.
I still have autism and you continue to wait, hinged, like a lion over prey, waiting for either me to not fully understand something that you have come up with or ready to pounce on a weekness. It takes until tomorrow to process what happens today, so that you will be satisfied, and that is if I spend every waking moment living in the past. A completely unfair request for someone that is trying to move forward and forget the past. I litterally spend ALL MY TIME trying to figure out why the hell you have a problem with me or a specific action or lack of action. You have got to be the most selfish people I have ever met. You are denying me the ability to "live in the now". You hold me accountable for things I litterally cant figure out till tomorrow. Completely unreasonable. I hope you rot for your lack of consideration, as I do not expect you or someone else to live in the past.
THERE HAS ALSO BEEN TALK OF KIDNAPPING ME TO SECURE AND RETAIN CONTROL OVER MY UNBORN CHILD BY THE PARA MILITARY (OF WHICH MY UNCLE IS AFFILIATED) OF WHICH I HAVE NO ASSOCIATION BUT HAVE NOW TARGETED ME. AS WELL AS THE SUPER RICH MILLIONAIRE GROUP THAT THINKS THEY SOMEHOW HAVE SOME RIGHTS TO THIS CHILD, NOT ALL OF THEM, BUT THE ONES THAT THINK THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH WHATEVER THEY PULL. DONT THINK IM NOT AWARE AND WILL KEEP MYSELF IN POPULATED AREAS AT ALL TIMES.
Copyright March 12, 2009. 9:40am
L. Issel

I dont know how these people keep getting away with this abuse!

I am about to give up. I dont know how an uncle can be so cruel. I sincerely hope that he falls off the face of the planet as he is of no actual purpose here on earth. He is a game playing buffoon and at my expense. He continues to lie and say that I am some sort of prostitute. I wish they would stop wearing forrest green around me as I am not in that group.
They continue to tell the world that my pregnancy is a joke and now they continue to tell me that they have already "paid" for the baby. I dont know how to get out of this. With everyone lying it is impossible to get Obama to help me. I feel like an abandoned cat, uncertain of where to turn next.
Now they have orchestrated Tara to look like an American Idol (fatal attraction herself) I dont know how they managed that one. Maybe they set me up to look like some sort of person against the law somehow. I have grown increasingly tired of these relentless tactics. These people really will rot in hell. Annie is in on it too. Trying to make my life impossible at every turn. Always threatening me with institutions when she cant get her way, like a freaken child. Always trying to make my life hell for no other reason than she knows that she is a lying, plagerizing conartist that got a bunch of millionaires to feel like she legitimately went through hell and back (ya, maybe if she was myself) Who knows what they lied about this time. I was filling out the paperwork for the pregnancy home and it said on the paperwork that they had lost all respect for me (because they dont really believe that I am pregnant, nobody does, they just think that I am usining it to get attention. How embarassing. I feel like these people never stop trying to destroy my life. Its not enough that they take my money, my writing and now they want my baby. I wish I could spit in her face for being the most despicable person on this planet. My baby isn't for sale, sorry you will have to find someone else to human traffic as I am not the one.
I heard that Obama signed my excecution orders. He has no idea that he is sending an innocent person to their death. He really thinks I am the agressor. I cant believe this is happening to my life. The biggest hoax of the twenty first century. Tara, an american idol, ya maybe in the stalkers anthem. Nothing against her personally but she knows the truth, and if she really is an american idol then she owes it to america to fess up about the truth. she knows that they are sending me to my death and she just revels in the attention. I am totally alone and wishing that I could qualify for a miracle. The stress I feel could kill an ox. I dont know what the right answer to any of this is. Im so tired and I still have people trying to negotiate things with me that are totally unacceptable. What does 5 months mean? And why do they want to arrest me, for what? I haven't done anything wrong. Ill never understand what the hell is going on. Why wont they allow me to live a normal life? I need a vacation, from all of this. No one should have to be subjected to this kind of life. There is no joy and this woman in the forest green seems to be getting off on my misery, its like shes happy about something completely unfair happening to me. I dont understand how people like her are allowed to prosper while people like me are constantly hindered from moving forward with their life. I dont take joy in peoples hardships and yet I am the one imprisoned. I want to vomit this world is all wrong right now, nobody seems to be living right. Im losing hope in humanity. If I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't let it affect me this much but what about this beautiful being that is growing inside me, can I handle someone like her smiling as my child, my world, cries because some asshole like her, takes pleasure in seeing a child suffer.
I could like these girls if they would give me a chance. I dont have the capacity for a man right now and wish that they would leave me alone. Why are some of these people still in my life, not the girls but these stalking police people....why dont they just leave me alone, I haven't done anything wrong its like they want constant control over me, its not normal. I have nothing against the law, but this doesn't seem legal. I dont get it. Why are they stalking me? They keep treating me as if I am a criminal and that is something that I just dont accept. I am the biggest goody two shoes on the planet why wont they concentrate on someone that is an actual criminal? I dont know how to handle living with corrections people in my life when I would never CHOOSE to put myself in that world. I belong with the entreprenuers not the criminals. This is totally depressing. Seems like there is no hope. why wont they leave me alone.
copyright March 10, 2009 6:38 pm L. Issel

Im not done proving that you are a freaken fatal attraction. You have tryed to destroy my life, stolen credit for my lyrics and got paid.

Not to mention.....turned both sides of my family against myself. Dont get to used to the lap of luxery because everything that you spend that is mine you will have to not only repay, but you will owe penalties for infringements, pay for pain and suffering on my end, and be held accountable for purgery in a court of law (both you and your attorney) by the time I am through with you the only membership you will have is at the federal penetentiary and you will be bankrupted due to the fact that you will owe myself so much money and have so much explaining to do for the fact that I was dumped from the relocation program because of your lies and not to mention you endangering a child. Theres a little something for you to think about.
Copyright march 2nd, 2009 2:52 Am, L. Issel

Again, I am not making deals for things that I have absolutely no involvement in. This includes jail time and or crazy stipulations that you have come up with in order to justify what you have done to my life. You arent allowed to just get away with destroying someones life for sport or because there is a bigger pay off involved. I never mean any harm to anyone but I am tired of watching my life disintegrate before my eyes so that you can get a piece of the pie.

Oh and the reason I would like to sue you, not for the money so dont even try to take that angle, its about the morality of it all. If you destroyed my life you will destroy somebody elses. I am pregnant and I cant let you get away with trying to dictate my childs position in life before its even had a fair chance at proving his or her own talents and worth on this planet. Over my dead body will you get away with destroying their potential for a happy, healthy life.
You are the biggest fake and scum bag I have ever had the misfortune of including in my life.

Although, I have to say that it was pretty easy to take over my family, as most have never been that supportive in the first place, that doesn't mean that I dont care about the very people that were in my life since childhood. I know that some of these people have a considerable amount to lose if I am found to be telling the truth but thats too bad, they should have never bet on a girl so dumb. You really didn't think that I would find out what you and my mothers side of the family have been up to. Apparently, neither did they because now that some of them feel safe about their bet on you, they are starting to squirm as I learn more and more truth. As a matter of fact, everyone is starting to squirm and they should because despite your attempts to make myself a full blown jesus for your life, I didn't have that in the list of what I wanted to be in life, sorry. Im not here for you to have an excuse to be a lying, theiving sack of s---. I dont agree how they took you in over myself but because I have a heart, I still have forgiveness for them.

To all the entertainers who are protecting this person, you should not only be ashamed of yourself but you should look at your own children and question how you would feel if someone tryed to rob them of thier livelyhoods and their spirit. For some of you, the ones that are fiercely trying to keep the truth from coming out because you know that you not only lied to make it happen but you know that an innocent girls life has been destroyed, I dont have much patience left for you. The window for forgiveness is narrowing.
Copyright March 2, 2009 L. Issel 8:54 am

Update

I overheard today a plot to kidnap my unborn child upon its birth. This plan is coming from the "orange county community. The baby's father is from this super spoiled group of people and they have concocted a plan to abduct my child after its birth. They know that I dont want to have the baby in a hospital and that I plan on giving birth at home. They have planned to say that there is something wrong with the child and send for an ambulance to rush it to the hospital. It is their intention to say that the baby DIED on the way to the hospital and then abduct it. They plan on having someone fraudulently sign that the baby died so that I will think it is dead.

These same people are saying telling the rest of the world that I am not really pregnant. Now that most of the people now know that I am in fact pregnant, they have concocted this outlandish plan. These people have gone to far. They are also trying to get myself commited so they have prepared a false suicide note saying that I wrote it. They have tried everything to make my life uncomfortable, but they wont get away with this.

Now they are trying to make it look as if I am racist also so that the Obamas wont support myself as part of this country.

My uncle is still trying to make me look like a hooker and I was threatened today with being lit on fire for eating by some creepy looking white man while in the store. I again have done nothing wrong. I am litterally being bullied. I have no idea how they have tried to set myself up this time or if they already have made myself look bad in someway. I dont know what to do. This shouldn't be allowed.

Also the nice man that offered myself a ride yesterday, offered to give myself one hundred dollars of which I declined. I will say it again, I did not accept the money.

I am attempting to live at a safehouse and have not done anything illeagal or wrong. I am being stalked and conspired against and it is obvious that the father of the baby knows that I am pregnant with his child if he is already making plans to abduct it. I have not intentionally kept this knowledge from him but have had no time to deal with any of this because I have been running from 5 groups of stalkers now over the last month and a half.

I was offered again to be some mans "side' again today.....again.....not interested.

All I know is that none of this is legal.

Also, I am not guilty of anything, no crimes at all and you keep accusing myself based on my geographic location rather than fact. I am trying to enjoy what is left of my life that hasn't been destroyed yet, you have no right to play psychological head trips on myself while I am attempting to live a normal life. I am not playing your freaken game. If I change location it is becuase I am trying to get away from you, not because I am trying to get notariety, you are stalking myself and I am attempting to remove myself from head trips that you just keep dishing out.