Im traumatized

Fuck you, you haven't even been throught 1 100th of what Ive been through. You keep calling me jealous and lying about everything. I am a goody two shoes at my worst and you keep accusing me of things that I have no knowledge of. Im sick of this entire thing. I have never been against the law and you keep making up dumb, no logic, having rules about who and what I am in life. I have grown tired of you using me. I am not a mobster or a gangster, I am a person that is a part of this life to make a difference, for good things not to be used as your dumb ass mobster scapegoat. I am closer to caring about the FBI than I am to caring about your lawbreaking threats of sending an innocent person to the fucking electric chair. You threaten me for everthing. You traumatized me yesterday and all I was trying to do is get away from lazy ass people that cant make their own lives, they have to steal from mine. I was trying to register for the baby registry, you know for the baby that you have lied to the world about and said wasn't in existance. You want my friends and family, my money, my research, and now my baby......FUCK YOU! Why dont you tried actually putting the effort of 5 years of meeting people and being on the street. Eating certain foods and driving north or south doesn't make one iota of difference as to whether "you are, or you're not" you have got to be the dumbest fucking group of mobsters I have ever met. You actually have to physically place your self somewhere in order to feel important because you know that you dont have the brain capacity to be something without your braun. Ive been tolerant, and I have run out of patience for your dumb ass games and I am far from a fucking prostitute. The baby's fathers REAL NAME IS JOHN, NO REFERENCE TO THE JOHN FROM 4 YEARS AGO, you fucking dumb ass. (no offense to him though). He's 24 years old and lives by coyote point in San Mateo.
Now I find out that my uncle has a fucking "hit" out on me, fabulous! Just what I need, the buffoon is pissed because he is also a dumb ass. I hate this planet. None of you are worth all this effort, you dont even believe in actual laws. You keep trying to blame myself for all your crimes.

QUIT USING MY BLOGS ALSO YOU LAZY PIECE OF ....... GET YOUR OWN INFORMATION, I KNOW THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK OF YOU, RIGHT, TO ACTUALLY USE YOUR OWN BRAIN INSTEAD OF TAKING CREDIT FOR ALL WORDS I BROUGHT TO THE TABLE, LIKE "ME, MYSELF, YA, IM TRAUMATIZED, THIS GIRL" YOU FUCKING DISGUST ME. I HOPE ALL YOU LAZY FUCKING PATHETIC EXCUSES FOR PEOPLE THAT KEEP THREATENING MY FOOD INTAKE GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU QUALIFY YOURSELF FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR. I HAVE NEVER SO MUCH AS EVER TRIED TO HURT YOU OR YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU RIDE THE CURTAILS OF A GIRL THAT HAS NOTHING THANKS TO YOU. ROT IN HELL.

Sorry about the cussing but I have officially lost my temper. I've tolerated being pulled in thousands of directions for years now and I guess I just get really tired of not being able to reap the benefits of my hard work, or my research. Im tired of people getting credit for wearing their skin while I SUFFER on my journey of trying to pull myself out of this sesspool life that these lazy ass bastards keep myself in while they sit on their asses and plagerize everything I ever have created.
How would you feel? Now you expect my pregnant self to fling myself to yet ANOTHER location so that someone else will be safe. I really am a good person and I probably will honor your request but...................WHEN DOES IT EVER END!!!~!!!!!!
I no longer wish to live like a freaken refugee running from hanus military factions. I have the strength of someone that has attended boot camp and I have lived like a forgotten soldier, but I have no urge what so ever to be a part of the military and you keep requesting that I live like a freaken green barret or something.
I am a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And would appreciate the ability to have a SANE existance fully equipped with a dress once in a while. Makeup also, and a date with a really handsome irresitable man that adores me. How would you feel? I didn't get credit for not even one thing that I accomplished in the last 5 years. Ive grown tired of not starting to demand SOMETHING in return. That doesn't make me bad or greedy and if you even take it there I will have lost all respect for you. It is completely normal to reap what you sow, not normal to be living like a criminal when you dont even come close to EVER breaking the law. I am a kind, gentle person that has finally had it with your threats and tactics to make me look bad. I have done nothing to deserve this sort of treatment not only by law enforcement, the FBI, the military, the country, the celebrities but by complete strangers that continue to stalk and threaten myself on the street. I have lost my ability to be the slightest bit understanding of your viewpoint as you continue to live your life the way you always have all the while expecting me to twist myself inside out to prove something to you in order to have the slightest of spoils in life.......absurd.
You have a lot of nerve and gall to use my fathers words in the same proximity to me and if you dont watch yourself you will have me to deal with. You DO NOT use my family (not one of them) in your lingo for the smallest of reasons, you got it? You have put me through hell and back and have lied your asses off to everyone that has not only cared about me but that I love dearly, including my father. I love everyone that I have ever shared blood with and you have managed to turn them against me. If my father doesn't believe me that is your fault. And I hope you choke on your coughing as it is a tactic not only to disturb me but also to try and exert your force over me. Its obvious that you dont take losing control over me very lightly. Too bad, be prepared to be very disappointed from here on out. I will not let you continue to destroy my life or the life of this child.
Your selfishness has already taken almost the entire duration of my pregnancy. I have very little time to bond with my child as I spend my whole day dodging criminals, theives, plagerizers, greedy lazy ass people that use me to propel themselves forward, and having to move from place to place to keep you happy. I would appreciate some of my own happiness, thank you very much. Keep saying YA! you have no freaken clue what you speak of! Its like listening to someone trying to speak of genetics with a third grade education. You "YA" me all the time and have never even come close to living in my shoes. Pathetic.
You dont ever allow myself the opportunity to live my life, to be a part of the things that I need to keep me sane. The computer keeps me sane, and it has nothing to do with being against "the eye" Im so tired of hearing things like "its just" when I attemp to focus and calm myself down with either window shopping or writing via computer or by pen. Get a grip! You have your favorite activities in life but you treat me as if I am not allowed my own personality. Everytime I try to do something that I enjoy (ie, the baby registry, writing, computer work or learning) you try to make me look like a bad person. You sit there and threaten me with your "okay" remarks. I am a real person. Not your freaken toy, get used to it!
Maybe you wouldn't be seeing or sensing this much anger if you would have allowed for natural processes of the mind and evolution of the spirit a long time ago. You have yourself to blame if you are dissatisfied with something about myself as I have whole heartedly, and to a fault, spent the last 5 years twisting myself inside out for you as a populous. I will now sometimes ignore what you say I am focusing on myself right now becuase you never rescued me from all this anyway. Why wait around for you to do whats right for one more moment.
I still have autism and you continue to wait, hinged, like a lion over prey, waiting for either me to not fully understand something that you have come up with or ready to pounce on a weekness. It takes until tomorrow to process what happens today, so that you will be satisfied, and that is if I spend every waking moment living in the past. A completely unfair request for someone that is trying to move forward and forget the past. I litterally spend ALL MY TIME trying to figure out why the hell you have a problem with me or a specific action or lack of action. You have got to be the most selfish people I have ever met. You are denying me the ability to "live in the now". You hold me accountable for things I litterally cant figure out till tomorrow. Completely unreasonable. I hope you rot for your lack of consideration, as I do not expect you or someone else to live in the past.
THERE HAS ALSO BEEN TALK OF KIDNAPPING ME TO SECURE AND RETAIN CONTROL OVER MY UNBORN CHILD BY THE PARA MILITARY (OF WHICH MY UNCLE IS AFFILIATED) OF WHICH I HAVE NO ASSOCIATION BUT HAVE NOW TARGETED ME. AS WELL AS THE SUPER RICH MILLIONAIRE GROUP THAT THINKS THEY SOMEHOW HAVE SOME RIGHTS TO THIS CHILD, NOT ALL OF THEM, BUT THE ONES THAT THINK THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH WHATEVER THEY PULL. DONT THINK IM NOT AWARE AND WILL KEEP MYSELF IN POPULATED AREAS AT ALL TIMES.
Copyright March 12, 2009. 9:40am
L. Issel