I cant even find a job without being verbally harassed and attacked. I am so tired of this existance I could puke. Being attacked with "YA, YEP, Thats right, I know" etc. is the verbage they use to push me around mentally and they all talk loud enough for me to hear them. They go out of their way to make their cell phone calls right in front of me when they could have just as easily gone to a more private location. Lets not forget the people that continually offer me "pardons" for crimes I haven't commited. Oh and my favorite, coughing loud enough to make my body jump when I am trying to concentrate on reading a job desciption. This all in the 40 minutet period.
I dont know how on earth I am the only person on this earth that is somehow not allowed to sleep in a shelter and find employment without being harassed. Oh, ya and this morning I was told that it is "just" once again, all the pain and harassment I endure, because I stayed at a shelter last night and fed myself because I am pregnant. The "Americans" are now mad at me for needing something very "american" shelter and food. I've had it with the double standard.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is terrorism to the spirit. 3 WORDS TO YOU.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should try it, considering I never go out of my way to disrupt, disturb, or disrespect you. Show a little class.
Copyright March 24, 2009 9:10 am L. R. Issel
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Different
Looks like fleece
A fluffy cloud with an underlying golden ivory glow.
Maybe the closest thing to heaven on earth, thus far, supposing there is such a place.
For the souls that glow with that eminance on their own most are left only to be covered with a combination of snow drenched dirt flung at their skins by mans own greed.
I drift amongst these lands a changed canvas.
Once clean and bright covered in thick tar from years of mudslinging
My soul trapped in this body I wish I could unzip and crawl out.
This existance has become so excrutiating.
Its always the same people uttering the same ultimatums and versions of who they think I am.
Im not allowed to have my own personality.
Im not allowed anything normal.
Regular emotions and thought processes totally taboo unless they can equate it with wanting "2" or some celebrity.
Im not allowed to express or explore my own soul. Its like they are afraid that I might slip from their fingers and they would lose grip of something they try so hard to control.
Like a monkey in project X, smart enough to learn and mimic behavior, maybe even smart enough to conduct the experiment itself but not smart enough to realize when someone is not thier friend, mistaking physical presence for loving companionship.
They become tired of the routine testing.
They become depressed and stop functioning as there is nothing left to keep their eyes from closing.
so many open wounds from the war and no one allows even one to close before gashing me again.
Remember that the next time you have the odacity to come within a hundred yards and "ya or yep" me.
Talk about terrorism.
Copyright March 22, 8:55 pm, L. R. Issel
A fluffy cloud with an underlying golden ivory glow.
Maybe the closest thing to heaven on earth, thus far, supposing there is such a place.
For the souls that glow with that eminance on their own most are left only to be covered with a combination of snow drenched dirt flung at their skins by mans own greed.
I drift amongst these lands a changed canvas.
Once clean and bright covered in thick tar from years of mudslinging
My soul trapped in this body I wish I could unzip and crawl out.
This existance has become so excrutiating.
Its always the same people uttering the same ultimatums and versions of who they think I am.
Im not allowed to have my own personality.
Im not allowed anything normal.
Regular emotions and thought processes totally taboo unless they can equate it with wanting "2" or some celebrity.
Im not allowed to express or explore my own soul. Its like they are afraid that I might slip from their fingers and they would lose grip of something they try so hard to control.
Like a monkey in project X, smart enough to learn and mimic behavior, maybe even smart enough to conduct the experiment itself but not smart enough to realize when someone is not thier friend, mistaking physical presence for loving companionship.
They become tired of the routine testing.
They become depressed and stop functioning as there is nothing left to keep their eyes from closing.
so many open wounds from the war and no one allows even one to close before gashing me again.
Remember that the next time you have the odacity to come within a hundred yards and "ya or yep" me.
Talk about terrorism.
Copyright March 22, 8:55 pm, L. R. Issel
Snow storms and Greedy people at my heals......
Its a wonder I dont just eat with my hands because as the stress increases, Im desparate for some sort of comfort. As I consume the first portion of my meal at such a rapid rate, my heart finally slows and my core is able to take over and allow me to eat like a civilized person.
As I spend every waking moment surrounded by completely ignorant people that wont be happy until I have nothing left.....materially or the ability to mentally cognate.
i dont know where these people emerge from. Its like they have been sent here to search and destroy my spirit. They never let up and as they accuse me of various things and make fun of me I wonder why they are consumed with my every action if they have so much disdain for me in the first place. They follow and harrass me constantly, expending mass amounts of energy, only to express their hatred for me. I dont expend that much energy on myself, let alone someone that I dislike.
And here they sit all around me saying "ya, and yep" going out of their way to make my life completely uncomfortable.
Copyright March 22, 8:40 pm, L. R. Issel
As I spend every waking moment surrounded by completely ignorant people that wont be happy until I have nothing left.....materially or the ability to mentally cognate.
i dont know where these people emerge from. Its like they have been sent here to search and destroy my spirit. They never let up and as they accuse me of various things and make fun of me I wonder why they are consumed with my every action if they have so much disdain for me in the first place. They follow and harrass me constantly, expending mass amounts of energy, only to express their hatred for me. I dont expend that much energy on myself, let alone someone that I dislike.
And here they sit all around me saying "ya, and yep" going out of their way to make my life completely uncomfortable.
Copyright March 22, 8:40 pm, L. R. Issel
I was not referring to the man in the red hooded sweatshirt that I got a ride with yesterday as the father of the baby. His wife can attest to that.
The father of the baby is again a 24 year old man from san mateo california and he was wearing a red hooded sweatshirt the night we met and conceived. He is clean cut. I hope you weren't under the wrong impression.
Dad and mom, kc, laney, lenda and linda, kendall and anyone else that is trying to help
Please understand that I am autistic and i dont understand things until after the fact. If I get it within a day I am lucky, sometimes it takes 3 days for me to process what has happened. I am exhausted and overexerted and it is even worse during this period. I am sorry if you got the wrong impression. I would never in a million years do something that is detrimental on purpose.
To the man that thinks that i am only 3 months pregnant because my due date is in sept., you dont understand that technically a human gestation period is about 9 mos and 3 weeks most of the time. This is how I am technically 4 months pregnant right now. I wasn't lying and the man in the red hooded sweatshirt is definitely the father.
I was starving last night and had some sort of roll up things from maverick.
I dont know why but I am now being called okay, again. I dont know what i did? I just want to have a normal day possibly with some joy and laughter.
Im not a lyer.
To the man that thinks that i am only 3 months pregnant because my due date is in sept., you dont understand that technically a human gestation period is about 9 mos and 3 weeks most of the time. This is how I am technically 4 months pregnant right now. I wasn't lying and the man in the red hooded sweatshirt is definitely the father.
I was starving last night and had some sort of roll up things from maverick.
I dont know why but I am now being called okay, again. I dont know what i did? I just want to have a normal day possibly with some joy and laughter.
Im not a lyer.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
The nightmare continues
I dont know what the problem is with some people but I have grown tired of trying to explain myself.
Heres the latest explanation.
I am NOT ACTING, I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! I DONT KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET FEDERAL PROTECTION, BUT IM GOING TO END UP DEAD SOON IF SOMEONE DOESN'T HELP ME.
I AM AUTISTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE AND I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE STANDING ON STREET CORNERS AMIST THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE GAWKING AT ME.
I AM NOT PLAYING A GAME AND NOW IN AN EFFORT TO REMOVE MYSELF FROM VIEW BY GOING DOWN TO THE AIRPORT TERMINAL TO TRY AND CATCH A SHUTTLE SO THAT STALKERS WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DETERMINE MY WHEREABOUTS, THE BABY'S FATHER LEFT ME AND OBAMA THINKS THAT I AM PLAYING SOME SORT OF GAME. I AM NOT PLAYING!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY THAT, SOME GIRL HAS ONCE AGAIN COLLECTED CREDIT FOR MY LIFE.
AGAIN MY ACTIONS ARE NOT PREMEDITATED AND I AM NOT A PART OF THE CROWD THAT SAYS "4 DINNER, 4 BREAKFAST, 4 LUNCH, 4HOUSES, ETC." I AM AN AMERICAN DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM TIRED OF BEING LIED ABOUT. I LITTERALLY HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG AND HAVE BEEN FULLY TRAUMATIZED BY WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH.
I WAS SAVING WORMS LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING FOR REASONS THAT THIS WORLD WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. i AM SO FREAKEN TIRED OF HEARTLESS PEOPLE ALWAYS TRYING TO BLAME ME FOR SOMETHING THAT I DECIDED TO SAVE SOMETHING THAT HAS 5 HEARTS AND IS AS INNOCENT AS CAN BE.
SOMETIMES I STAND ON THE STREET AND JUST STARE OFF INTO SPACE BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
NOW THE PRESIDENT HAS TURNED ON ME BECAUSE HE MISINTERPRETED MY ACTIONS.
i FELL IN THE SHOWER THIS MORNING AND SPLIT MY EYE OPEN, THERE IS A BIG OL GASH.
I WAS NEVER PLAYING AND EVERYONE TREATS EVERY ACTION OR LACK OF ACTION LIKE IT IS SOME SORT OF GAME. MY LIFE IS NOT A GAME.
NOW KIDS ARE TURNED AGAINST ME AND I STILL HAVEN'T CHEWED ANYTHING. HAD TO STAY AT A MOTEL 6 LAST NIGHT BECAUSE IT IS THE CHEEPEST HOTEL, AND THAT SOMEHOW MADE THE KIDS THINK THAT I SOMEHOW WASN'T ON THEIR SIDE.
THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN MORTIFYING AND TRAUMATIZING. I DIDN'T GET CREDIT FOR NOT EVEN ONE THING THAT I ACCOMPLISHED, TARA TOOK CREDIT FOR THINGS SHE NEVER EVEN ACCOMPLISHED. AND NOW OBAMA IS ENCOURAGING THE PROCESS.
wHILE WAITING AT THE AIRPORT THEY KEPT GIVING ME ULTIMATUMS ABOUT IF I WERE TO WALK IN ONE DIRECTION OR ANOTHER THAT THE DIRECTION WOULD DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT I WOULD BE GETTING AN ABORTION. PREPOSTEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i AM NOT ABORTING THIS BABY AND IT WILL NEVER BE AFFILIATED WITH FOREST GREEN OR ANY OTHER ATROCITY. WHOEVER HAS DONE THIS TO MY LIFE I DONT KNOW HOW THEY WONT HAVE TO PAY KARMICALLY.
IM SICK OF THESE PEOPLE CAUGHING AT ME, ITS NOT A NATURAL COUGH, ITS A FAKE, IM TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION COUGH.
IM AN AMERICAN AND HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. WHERE DOES IT SAY IN THE CONSTITUTION THAT ONLY 1 GIRL IS ALLOWED TO BE A REPRESENTATIVE OF AMERICA. I HAVE FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL TO EXIST IN THIS COUNTRY AND HAVE LESS RIGHTS THAN A DOG. NO ONE WILL EVEN ALLOW ME TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST TO PROVE THAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH.
OH, AND THE PEOPLE THAT KEEP CRINKLING THEIR FOREHEAD AT ME, I AM NOT PART OF YOUR GROUP EITHER AS IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE GROUPS RESPONSIBLE FOR SOME OF THE SABOTAGE THAT HAS HAPPENED.
I WAS IN THE STORE SOBBING LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN UP AGAINST ALL ODDS AND IT FEELS LIKE IT WONT EVER END (AT LEAST IN A POSITIVE WAY) AND ALL I HEAR IS AGAIN HOW EVERYTHING IS "JUST". I HAVE LOST ALL HOPE IN HUMANITY.
HOW IS IT THAT ONE GIRL CAN BE SET UP TO LOOK SO BAD ALL THE TIME AND THE OTHER HAS AN ARMY SUPPORTING HER.
AFTER I LEFT THE HOTEL ROOM, I REALIZED THAT I FORGOT TO FLUSH THE TOILET AND NOW I WORRY THAT THE MAID GOT PAID TO DROP SOME SORT OF BAD THING IN MY URINE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IM SOME SORT OF DRUG OR ALCOHOL ABUSER. iTS HAPPENED MANY TIMES BEFORE. i CAN PASS A DRUG TEST AT ANYTIME FOR THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE.....THE PRESIDENT , THE SECRET SERVICE, THE MILITARY (EVEN THOUGH I DONT AGREE WITH THAT LIFESTYLE) OR MY FATHER. OTHERWISE I DONT REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
I WISH EVERYONE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
I CANT HANDLE YOUR CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS.
THANK YOU TO THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME LAST NIGHT.
Heres the latest explanation.
I am NOT ACTING, I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! I DONT KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET FEDERAL PROTECTION, BUT IM GOING TO END UP DEAD SOON IF SOMEONE DOESN'T HELP ME.
I AM AUTISTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE AND I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE STANDING ON STREET CORNERS AMIST THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE GAWKING AT ME.
I AM NOT PLAYING A GAME AND NOW IN AN EFFORT TO REMOVE MYSELF FROM VIEW BY GOING DOWN TO THE AIRPORT TERMINAL TO TRY AND CATCH A SHUTTLE SO THAT STALKERS WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DETERMINE MY WHEREABOUTS, THE BABY'S FATHER LEFT ME AND OBAMA THINKS THAT I AM PLAYING SOME SORT OF GAME. I AM NOT PLAYING!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY THAT, SOME GIRL HAS ONCE AGAIN COLLECTED CREDIT FOR MY LIFE.
AGAIN MY ACTIONS ARE NOT PREMEDITATED AND I AM NOT A PART OF THE CROWD THAT SAYS "4 DINNER, 4 BREAKFAST, 4 LUNCH, 4HOUSES, ETC." I AM AN AMERICAN DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM TIRED OF BEING LIED ABOUT. I LITTERALLY HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG AND HAVE BEEN FULLY TRAUMATIZED BY WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH.
I WAS SAVING WORMS LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING FOR REASONS THAT THIS WORLD WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. i AM SO FREAKEN TIRED OF HEARTLESS PEOPLE ALWAYS TRYING TO BLAME ME FOR SOMETHING THAT I DECIDED TO SAVE SOMETHING THAT HAS 5 HEARTS AND IS AS INNOCENT AS CAN BE.
SOMETIMES I STAND ON THE STREET AND JUST STARE OFF INTO SPACE BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
NOW THE PRESIDENT HAS TURNED ON ME BECAUSE HE MISINTERPRETED MY ACTIONS.
i FELL IN THE SHOWER THIS MORNING AND SPLIT MY EYE OPEN, THERE IS A BIG OL GASH.
I WAS NEVER PLAYING AND EVERYONE TREATS EVERY ACTION OR LACK OF ACTION LIKE IT IS SOME SORT OF GAME. MY LIFE IS NOT A GAME.
NOW KIDS ARE TURNED AGAINST ME AND I STILL HAVEN'T CHEWED ANYTHING. HAD TO STAY AT A MOTEL 6 LAST NIGHT BECAUSE IT IS THE CHEEPEST HOTEL, AND THAT SOMEHOW MADE THE KIDS THINK THAT I SOMEHOW WASN'T ON THEIR SIDE.
THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN MORTIFYING AND TRAUMATIZING. I DIDN'T GET CREDIT FOR NOT EVEN ONE THING THAT I ACCOMPLISHED, TARA TOOK CREDIT FOR THINGS SHE NEVER EVEN ACCOMPLISHED. AND NOW OBAMA IS ENCOURAGING THE PROCESS.
wHILE WAITING AT THE AIRPORT THEY KEPT GIVING ME ULTIMATUMS ABOUT IF I WERE TO WALK IN ONE DIRECTION OR ANOTHER THAT THE DIRECTION WOULD DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT I WOULD BE GETTING AN ABORTION. PREPOSTEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i AM NOT ABORTING THIS BABY AND IT WILL NEVER BE AFFILIATED WITH FOREST GREEN OR ANY OTHER ATROCITY. WHOEVER HAS DONE THIS TO MY LIFE I DONT KNOW HOW THEY WONT HAVE TO PAY KARMICALLY.
IM SICK OF THESE PEOPLE CAUGHING AT ME, ITS NOT A NATURAL COUGH, ITS A FAKE, IM TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION COUGH.
IM AN AMERICAN AND HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. WHERE DOES IT SAY IN THE CONSTITUTION THAT ONLY 1 GIRL IS ALLOWED TO BE A REPRESENTATIVE OF AMERICA. I HAVE FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL TO EXIST IN THIS COUNTRY AND HAVE LESS RIGHTS THAN A DOG. NO ONE WILL EVEN ALLOW ME TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST TO PROVE THAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH.
OH, AND THE PEOPLE THAT KEEP CRINKLING THEIR FOREHEAD AT ME, I AM NOT PART OF YOUR GROUP EITHER AS IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE GROUPS RESPONSIBLE FOR SOME OF THE SABOTAGE THAT HAS HAPPENED.
I WAS IN THE STORE SOBBING LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN UP AGAINST ALL ODDS AND IT FEELS LIKE IT WONT EVER END (AT LEAST IN A POSITIVE WAY) AND ALL I HEAR IS AGAIN HOW EVERYTHING IS "JUST". I HAVE LOST ALL HOPE IN HUMANITY.
HOW IS IT THAT ONE GIRL CAN BE SET UP TO LOOK SO BAD ALL THE TIME AND THE OTHER HAS AN ARMY SUPPORTING HER.
AFTER I LEFT THE HOTEL ROOM, I REALIZED THAT I FORGOT TO FLUSH THE TOILET AND NOW I WORRY THAT THE MAID GOT PAID TO DROP SOME SORT OF BAD THING IN MY URINE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IM SOME SORT OF DRUG OR ALCOHOL ABUSER. iTS HAPPENED MANY TIMES BEFORE. i CAN PASS A DRUG TEST AT ANYTIME FOR THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE.....THE PRESIDENT , THE SECRET SERVICE, THE MILITARY (EVEN THOUGH I DONT AGREE WITH THAT LIFESTYLE) OR MY FATHER. OTHERWISE I DONT REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
I WISH EVERYONE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
I CANT HANDLE YOUR CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS.
THANK YOU TO THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME LAST NIGHT.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
update
had to start traveling again due to all the stalkers. Finally talked to my best friend and was totally stoked to be dealing with someone normal.
Went into one eastern town and found alumni from yale. Didn't really put two and two together until it was to late and I was an hour and a half away. Apparently the conartists that routinely go through my trash had found a paper with codes on it. They used this paper to try and convince Yale that I was a conartist, because the girl that has been going there, that used my notebook full of genetic research and information in code, has been going to Yale off that notebook for quite some time. I am beyond angry that I cant ever get credit for something that is mine. This girl is such a freaken con I want to throw up. They called me "cool" for having a midnight snack that I didn't have to chew because I hadn't eaten or drank all day. This is a term they use to tell you that some girl just skipped off with something that you busted your ass to accomplish. I dont know how they dont thinK their Karma will catch up to them.
Everybody is bullying me, people constantly saying "YA, and "Yep" at every turn just to reemphasize their annoying stalking presence in my life. They are lucky that I can show restraint. Otherwise half these ill intentioned stalkers would be getting a knuckle sandwich. I have a bunch of jailbirds following me around taking credit for various things in my life, hence the fake "B" that goes around starving herself to prove her love to the world and then taking credit for my accomplishments, that is how I keep getting shistered.
News update I am not the military sort, again although I have respect for you, i DO NOT WISH TO LIVE THAT LIFESTYLE. AND ED STILL WONT GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!
These people still expect me to be found guilty of crimes I didn't commit, just so that some con can "justify" taking my identity and life. From codes that I broke that won awards to writing that has produced millions of dollars I am mortified at the fact that I have been turned into public enemy number 1. The dahli lama has even read one of my poems about freeing people from their bondage and the world thinks that "B" wrote it. Then the letter that I wrote to the children of the world....same thing. People everywhere praise my various accomplishments and then turn around and hiss at me not even knowing that it was me who has struggled against the odds and succeeded, only to be made to look like some sort of mentally ill, agressing monster. I cant believe the shoes I fill everyday, the reputation that i am stuck with isn't even mine. I am a kind person but you wouldn't know it. People might as well be throwing tomatoes at me. I have to admit that on occasion, I have lost all tact and class because I deal with an impossible situation 24 hours a day 7 days a week and being pregnant and homeless because someone wants what you bled and almost died for, got raped repeatedly for, got beaten and falsely encarserated for and get threatened for ever hour of the day, is enough to make you lose your temper once in a while. I dont even get to shine at my greatest achievements, things that have touched the world. Its the biggest hoax of the 21st century. They made the world hate me, for no other reason than they were just to freaken lazy to come up with their own material.
Everytime I am made an offer of my own money or accomplishments, because of the Autism, it takes to long to process and by the time I figure out what is happening, they take back the offer and I am again left with nothing. Either that, or I just dont know how to accept the offer legally in the first place. Traveling should have nothing to do with whether or not you get what you rightfully earned. I am not traveling trying to get 2, and I wish all those people would leave me alone. I didn't grow up talking like that and if I never hear that phrase ever again, i will be thankful.
Luv ya Obama, I think you are wonderful. I have to travel now as I am in the middle of the desert.
Luv ya Dad, and mom (even though you are still in a glamour competition everyday of your life.)
Luv ya Kendall and Beth
Luv ya to all the old friends and to all the kids I love you to regardless of what the lying men in carhearts say. I am sorry that you are being lied to.
This is how I got to spend 5 hours in a hotel, truthful account of events....
Met a man in the middle of the desert at 3 in the morning. He was drunk and on his way to eat at the 24 hour restaurant. I asked him outside if he had a place I could go inside til 7 or 8 in the morning as it was freezing outside. He said yes, that wouldn't be a problem and that he lived somewhere nearby. He said he would call a taxi. I agreed because I was desparate and exhausted. After attempting to call the cab, he said that the cab people weren't answering the phone and that he would just have to rent a hotel. I assumed he said this because he didn't think he could make it home on his own. He rented a room and said that I could stay til morning. I thanked him and we went in, no he had no wedding ring on so I wasn't worried but still asked if he was married and would it be a problem to house a pregnant girl for 4 hours. He said no.
We get up to the room and he starts treating me as if I am some sort of escort. I quickly enlighten him to the fact that I am nothing of the sort and could he stop pushing personal space boundaries, he then tells me that he feels like a sucker that he rented the room only because of me and then tells me that I made him feel bad about himself. RED FLAG.... I was nothing but polite to this man, to a fault that was pushing my limits. I thanked him and told him that I would leave, he insisted that I stay and then he left, telling me to be sure to be out by 11. I agreed and that was that. Also he took a shower before he left. I am thankful to this man but am afraid because he tryed to pull the "transference of blame" game that is classic of mental abuse, of what he told the rest of the world.
Also last night I was confronted by a complete stranger about taking an alcohol and drug test in order to stay in the lobby of a hotel. I found this completely invasive as I only needed a place to stay for a couple of hours and they mentioned that I would have to "follow" while there. Follow who? I dont just follow anyone. I declined, not because I was afraid to take a drug/alcohol test , but becuase my word should be enough as I dont lie. Especially for a couple of hours. If my father asked me to take a test for him, no problem, nothing to hide, but for a complete stranger that I knew for a moment, I dont think so. This happened before I met the drunk man.
PS the entire time I have been typing this I have been verbally harassed! There hasn't been a moment passed that I have been allowed to type in peace without someone insinuating that I have alterior motives for participating in something that litterally keeps me sane. It has been to much for them to extend a pieceful half hour without their snide comments. Ill comments directed at me for no reason at all. I dont even know these people and I dont know how they dont consider what they are doing harassment. They get away with harassing me in one form or another everyday.
I am asking the universe to get these stalking convicts out of my life as that is a lifestyle I have no interest in. I am pleading with the universe to remove them from my existance as I am no criminal, no theif, no murderer, no drug user, no child molester, no con artist, can you get me away from these people as I have been mistakenly put amongst a population of people I have nothing in common? Its not that I dont have compassion for them, its just that I dont live my life that way and I never will. You cant convince me that traveling makes you guilty of something. I am traveling to find a home for me and my baby. No other reason.
I am asking to be surrounded by positive, flamboyant, creative, law abiding people that dont play games with peoples lives because they have their own goals and dreams and thrive on contributing something to this world. Someone please help me, I am very tired I am tired of being surrounded by filth.......mind, body, and spirit. You would understand if you were me.
Went into one eastern town and found alumni from yale. Didn't really put two and two together until it was to late and I was an hour and a half away. Apparently the conartists that routinely go through my trash had found a paper with codes on it. They used this paper to try and convince Yale that I was a conartist, because the girl that has been going there, that used my notebook full of genetic research and information in code, has been going to Yale off that notebook for quite some time. I am beyond angry that I cant ever get credit for something that is mine. This girl is such a freaken con I want to throw up. They called me "cool" for having a midnight snack that I didn't have to chew because I hadn't eaten or drank all day. This is a term they use to tell you that some girl just skipped off with something that you busted your ass to accomplish. I dont know how they dont thinK their Karma will catch up to them.
Everybody is bullying me, people constantly saying "YA, and "Yep" at every turn just to reemphasize their annoying stalking presence in my life. They are lucky that I can show restraint. Otherwise half these ill intentioned stalkers would be getting a knuckle sandwich. I have a bunch of jailbirds following me around taking credit for various things in my life, hence the fake "B" that goes around starving herself to prove her love to the world and then taking credit for my accomplishments, that is how I keep getting shistered.
News update I am not the military sort, again although I have respect for you, i DO NOT WISH TO LIVE THAT LIFESTYLE. AND ED STILL WONT GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!
These people still expect me to be found guilty of crimes I didn't commit, just so that some con can "justify" taking my identity and life. From codes that I broke that won awards to writing that has produced millions of dollars I am mortified at the fact that I have been turned into public enemy number 1. The dahli lama has even read one of my poems about freeing people from their bondage and the world thinks that "B" wrote it. Then the letter that I wrote to the children of the world....same thing. People everywhere praise my various accomplishments and then turn around and hiss at me not even knowing that it was me who has struggled against the odds and succeeded, only to be made to look like some sort of mentally ill, agressing monster. I cant believe the shoes I fill everyday, the reputation that i am stuck with isn't even mine. I am a kind person but you wouldn't know it. People might as well be throwing tomatoes at me. I have to admit that on occasion, I have lost all tact and class because I deal with an impossible situation 24 hours a day 7 days a week and being pregnant and homeless because someone wants what you bled and almost died for, got raped repeatedly for, got beaten and falsely encarserated for and get threatened for ever hour of the day, is enough to make you lose your temper once in a while. I dont even get to shine at my greatest achievements, things that have touched the world. Its the biggest hoax of the 21st century. They made the world hate me, for no other reason than they were just to freaken lazy to come up with their own material.
Everytime I am made an offer of my own money or accomplishments, because of the Autism, it takes to long to process and by the time I figure out what is happening, they take back the offer and I am again left with nothing. Either that, or I just dont know how to accept the offer legally in the first place. Traveling should have nothing to do with whether or not you get what you rightfully earned. I am not traveling trying to get 2, and I wish all those people would leave me alone. I didn't grow up talking like that and if I never hear that phrase ever again, i will be thankful.
Luv ya Obama, I think you are wonderful. I have to travel now as I am in the middle of the desert.
Luv ya Dad, and mom (even though you are still in a glamour competition everyday of your life.)
Luv ya Kendall and Beth
Luv ya to all the old friends and to all the kids I love you to regardless of what the lying men in carhearts say. I am sorry that you are being lied to.
This is how I got to spend 5 hours in a hotel, truthful account of events....
Met a man in the middle of the desert at 3 in the morning. He was drunk and on his way to eat at the 24 hour restaurant. I asked him outside if he had a place I could go inside til 7 or 8 in the morning as it was freezing outside. He said yes, that wouldn't be a problem and that he lived somewhere nearby. He said he would call a taxi. I agreed because I was desparate and exhausted. After attempting to call the cab, he said that the cab people weren't answering the phone and that he would just have to rent a hotel. I assumed he said this because he didn't think he could make it home on his own. He rented a room and said that I could stay til morning. I thanked him and we went in, no he had no wedding ring on so I wasn't worried but still asked if he was married and would it be a problem to house a pregnant girl for 4 hours. He said no.
We get up to the room and he starts treating me as if I am some sort of escort. I quickly enlighten him to the fact that I am nothing of the sort and could he stop pushing personal space boundaries, he then tells me that he feels like a sucker that he rented the room only because of me and then tells me that I made him feel bad about himself. RED FLAG.... I was nothing but polite to this man, to a fault that was pushing my limits. I thanked him and told him that I would leave, he insisted that I stay and then he left, telling me to be sure to be out by 11. I agreed and that was that. Also he took a shower before he left. I am thankful to this man but am afraid because he tryed to pull the "transference of blame" game that is classic of mental abuse, of what he told the rest of the world.
Also last night I was confronted by a complete stranger about taking an alcohol and drug test in order to stay in the lobby of a hotel. I found this completely invasive as I only needed a place to stay for a couple of hours and they mentioned that I would have to "follow" while there. Follow who? I dont just follow anyone. I declined, not because I was afraid to take a drug/alcohol test , but becuase my word should be enough as I dont lie. Especially for a couple of hours. If my father asked me to take a test for him, no problem, nothing to hide, but for a complete stranger that I knew for a moment, I dont think so. This happened before I met the drunk man.
PS the entire time I have been typing this I have been verbally harassed! There hasn't been a moment passed that I have been allowed to type in peace without someone insinuating that I have alterior motives for participating in something that litterally keeps me sane. It has been to much for them to extend a pieceful half hour without their snide comments. Ill comments directed at me for no reason at all. I dont even know these people and I dont know how they dont consider what they are doing harassment. They get away with harassing me in one form or another everyday.
I am asking the universe to get these stalking convicts out of my life as that is a lifestyle I have no interest in. I am pleading with the universe to remove them from my existance as I am no criminal, no theif, no murderer, no drug user, no child molester, no con artist, can you get me away from these people as I have been mistakenly put amongst a population of people I have nothing in common? Its not that I dont have compassion for them, its just that I dont live my life that way and I never will. You cant convince me that traveling makes you guilty of something. I am traveling to find a home for me and my baby. No other reason.
I am asking to be surrounded by positive, flamboyant, creative, law abiding people that dont play games with peoples lives because they have their own goals and dreams and thrive on contributing something to this world. Someone please help me, I am very tired I am tired of being surrounded by filth.......mind, body, and spirit. You would understand if you were me.
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