Thursday, April 2, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
YOU JUST TOOK ALL MY MONEY (MONEY THAT I EARNED) AND LIED ABOUT ME DONT THINK THAT IM NOT GOING TO SUE THE PANTS OFF YOU
A LITTLE MESSAGE TO KEVIN MARTIN AND ALL THE OTHER CROOKED LAWYERS OUT THERE WHO HAVE THREATENED ME FOR THEIR OWN POCKETBOOK SAKE. ROT IN HELL. SEE YOU IN COURT WHEN I WIN THIS BATTLE. YOU HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO THE ENDANGERMENT OF AN INNOCENT CHILD. I WONT FORGET. I AM INNOCENT. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO ETHICS I AM NOW DEALING WITH PEOPLE THREATENING TO TAKE MY CHILD, AND OR FORCE ME TO ABORT A 4 MONTH PREGNANCY.
NO WAY IN HELL. OVER MY DEAD BODY.
I HAVE MOVED ALL BLOGS TO MINDSPHERE.BLOG.COM
NO WAY IN HELL. OVER MY DEAD BODY.
I HAVE MOVED ALL BLOGS TO MINDSPHERE.BLOG.COM
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
A bunch of people fighting over my kid..
You think that I want any of you raising my kid? You think that I would allow any of you to come withina hundred yards of my child? This world doesn't need anotaher one of you. Just leave us alone. Go have your own baby.
April got taken into permanate custody . FBI relocated forever and I am stuck here in hell as usual. I dont even have my best friend or her ma, or my grandma, or my mom or dad, let alone a companion.
April got taken into permanate custody . FBI relocated forever and I am stuck here in hell as usual. I dont even have my best friend or her ma, or my grandma, or my mom or dad, let alone a companion.
Its a Boy! My baby and I are very excited
He is active as they can be and cute as a button, even though his skull isn't totally formed. He sucks histhumb and is always swimming. Hope you wish us well in the future.
they just gave another million dollars of my money to some girl that didn't work for it based on one of my other ideas. How many millions of dollars is that now?
ED get out of my life. I want nothing to do with you. This kid isn't one of your people. Not giving the kid up for adoption either. find another mule.
they just gave another million dollars of my money to some girl that didn't work for it based on one of my other ideas. How many millions of dollars is that now?
ED get out of my life. I want nothing to do with you. This kid isn't one of your people. Not giving the kid up for adoption either. find another mule.
AN FYI TO THE SECRET SERVICE
IT IS A FEDERAL CRIME TO LIE TO OR MISLEAD THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF FOR ANY REASON OR AT ANYTIME. YOU ARE FACING FEDERAL PRISON TIME, FOR YOUR COVER UP TACTICS AND SELFISHNESS.
I would really enjoy a normal day without being threatened myself. Im trying to find a job since I've been disqualified from my own life, thanks in part to you, dont worry no hard feelings as I am homeless, pregnant, and totally unprotected dealing with unreasonable ultimatums for things that shouldn't even be a part of my life.
I would really enjoy a normal day without being threatened myself. Im trying to find a job since I've been disqualified from my own life, thanks in part to you, dont worry no hard feelings as I am homeless, pregnant, and totally unprotected dealing with unreasonable ultimatums for things that shouldn't even be a part of my life.
I keep getting ultimatums from "Annie" and the government
I am being told that I will be convicted of murder and considered a "killer" if I dont do what this billionaire bitch wants. Her real name is Tara or is it April. I met her 2 1/2 years ago and she decided that she wanted my life.....everything I have ever accomplished and everyone in it. It has been a total take over and I have been made to look like some sort of criminal in order to further her success. I am no killer, I have never hurt anyone on purpose.
Im pregnant and she wants my unborn child now. Tell her that somethings aren't for sale. she has made my life impossible and should go to the electric chair herself for the way that I have been misrepresented and treated. She and ARKIN, KAPLAN, AND RICE of New York city (a law firm that I originally contacted to aid me in the character assasination that I have been subjected to) have singlehandedly gone out of their way to ruin my life. They all should have at the very least a short stint in a federal penetentiary. Meanwhile I am still being stalked and harassed by various groups of people that I a have NEVER HAD AN AFFILIATION WITH, AND RECIEVE NO HELP FOR THIS ISSUE.
They decided to represent the girl that was a better "game player" rather than represent myself, me, the girl that has been telling the truth the entire time. Now I have them also delivering ultimatums. I at one point and time thought that these people were heros to help Edmund Safra reclaim his life after a 5 year bashing of his name and reputation globally. I was certain that they would help an innocent girl that was getting trashed for no reason publically, politically, legally, and withing the celebrity rhelm on a global level. Now I know that they are just money hungry, glory seeking snakes that helped to destroy an innocent girls life.
Now look, Im being accused of a murder I have no knowledge of simply so they can get rid of me. How are people like this allowed to exist to crush and destroy innocent people while all the while I have been law abiding and innocent the entire time.
I am also being accused of theft and being offered "parameters" for a crime I didn't commit. The deal from the government is this.......... go to jail for something they know that I didn't do (so that they can take my baby away from me upon its birth--"Annie" gets her way) or be regarded by the american public as a cold blooded killer and face the electric chair (because "Annie" didn't get her way)
My question is......HOW THE HELL DO I GET THIS MEGABITCH OUT OF MY LIFE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Annie's group of people keep lying to the public about who the father actually is. They keep insinuating the father is one of those "hand chopping off" lunatics so that no one will be accepting of the child. I should beat her ass for messing with an innocent life and I am not even a violent person. If someone was smearing the reputation of your innocent child to the point where people were told to "shun" it, what would you do? I've never wanted to physically harm another person on this earth except for my increadibly abusive uncle, but she has gone beyond the normal limits of any person walking this earth. I am not violent at all but I have had to bite my lip repeatedly while her and her spineless followers attack my child so that they can keep me and the child in a certain "class" off people. The real father is in fact amongst the same class as her and I and she just hates that.........she wants control, like a 3 year old toddler, throwing a fit, and everyone clamours around her trying to "keep her happy" because god forbid she have to do something on her own. She used me and my writing to get adopted by the billionaire that took her in and failed to mention it to him. Now I have all this "trash" stalking me because her original group of people, crawled out from under a rock and now think they are all superstars. I want to vomit when one of these people starts YA-ing or YEP-ing me. They are all riding the curtails of this white trash lying little bitch that got adopted by a billionaire by passing off my experiences off as her own. Dont think that I wont take responsibility for my own "white trash" days but at least Im honest about it. They go around showing illeagally taken video tape footage of me in a private setting in order to keep her looking good. I look like a bad person and she once again is able to hold up her manufactured image of the innocent minded girl next door.
Annie lied about everything and did anything she could to sink her claws into an unsuspecting billionaire. Now I have these "people" (her white trash followers) giving me ultimatums. I've been physically attacked by these people on many occasions out of nowhere and simply because they have no ability to express themselves in any other fashion. I am truly mortified at how the girl got in with these people.
This world definitely has no rhyme or reason. Because of the nature of these people and where they come from, you now have a bunch of short cut taking criminals running things, its the biggest, most disgusting thing I have ever been subjected to and forced to watch unfold. Scary. Its like opening up a prison and allowing violent fellons a seat in government. God I want to throw up and they have the nerve to call me disgusting. Im from a normal place, not the sesspool they originate from.
From what I can deduct, this Annie girl is somehow tied in with the bushes, considering the bushes worked exclusively for the billionairs, not for the american people. this is why I was never extracted from the extreme circumstances that I endured while going through traumas equivalent to Jason Bourne while on the street for the last 5 years. Im a person, not a billionaire, so I wasn't worth saving. I'm only a millionaire, at least I was before April and Tara showed up on the scene, now Im lucky if I even get a job thanks to the false reputation of "murderer and theif, and hand chopper offer (which Im not)" I now have amongst the population. They now have control of all my money, my trust fund and I cant even secure a copyright on my own writing without them regaining control over me. I cant even feed my own pregnancy or sleep at night without being threatened with "punishment" for something I didn't do nor would participate in.
Oh and when I finally start winning this battle they throw "child molester" (which Im not) in the mix to try and convince people that I am some sort of bad person.
My question is this....Why, if you have all the luxeries in the world thanks to your billionaire adoptive parents, would you concern yourself to the point of obsession with one homeless writer girl just trying to live her life, if you didn't have have something to hide or didn't want the public to know? Why would you go out of your way to hinder another life when you have everything a girl could want if you weren't scared that you were going to be found out? Does that explain to you why I am being attacked in every direction or what? If I dont shut up, and someone finally realizes that I have been telling the truth the entire time about her deciet, then she loses everything. Thats why she is on a one person mission to anihilate me and my existance. I have had my own income taken from me and have been subjected to cruel and unusual treatment, and now she wants my baby!!!!!!
OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY ANNIE....GO TO HELL AND ROT THERE, YOU AND ARKIN KAPLAN AND RICE. YOU'VE ALL AFFORDED YOURSELVES A VERY NICE SPOT IN THE ULTIMATE PARADISE DOWN UNDER. I WOULD BE VERY AFRAID TO DIE IF I WERE YOU.
DONT ACT LIKE YOUR TRYING TO HELP EITHER. ALL YOUR TRYING TO DO IS KEEP YOUR POCKETS LINED AND AN INNOCENT GIRL FROM EXPOSING WHAT SLIMEY BASTARDS YOU ARE. ROT ETERNALLY, YOU MAKE ME ILL.
YOU MIGHT HAVE EVERYONE ELSE FOOLED BUT YOU DONT HAVE ME FOOLED AND YOU NEVER WILL. IM OVER YOUR HEAD. THAT WHY YOUR GOONS ARE ALWAYS STALKING ME.
Im pregnant and just had to go to the bathroom because the baby is sitting on my bladder, and I given the "okay" routine for a normal function, not to mention that some man in the hall gave me a Tara threat on my way back to the computer. These people never let up, give up or leave me alone. I would love to see these people go to federal prison for their constant abuse of power personally, in business and in government.
Also I am copyriting this entry also
copyrite March 24, 2009 10:18 am L. R. Issel
Im pregnant and she wants my unborn child now. Tell her that somethings aren't for sale. she has made my life impossible and should go to the electric chair herself for the way that I have been misrepresented and treated. She and ARKIN, KAPLAN, AND RICE of New York city (a law firm that I originally contacted to aid me in the character assasination that I have been subjected to) have singlehandedly gone out of their way to ruin my life. They all should have at the very least a short stint in a federal penetentiary. Meanwhile I am still being stalked and harassed by various groups of people that I a have NEVER HAD AN AFFILIATION WITH, AND RECIEVE NO HELP FOR THIS ISSUE.
They decided to represent the girl that was a better "game player" rather than represent myself, me, the girl that has been telling the truth the entire time. Now I have them also delivering ultimatums. I at one point and time thought that these people were heros to help Edmund Safra reclaim his life after a 5 year bashing of his name and reputation globally. I was certain that they would help an innocent girl that was getting trashed for no reason publically, politically, legally, and withing the celebrity rhelm on a global level. Now I know that they are just money hungry, glory seeking snakes that helped to destroy an innocent girls life.
Now look, Im being accused of a murder I have no knowledge of simply so they can get rid of me. How are people like this allowed to exist to crush and destroy innocent people while all the while I have been law abiding and innocent the entire time.
I am also being accused of theft and being offered "parameters" for a crime I didn't commit. The deal from the government is this.......... go to jail for something they know that I didn't do (so that they can take my baby away from me upon its birth--"Annie" gets her way) or be regarded by the american public as a cold blooded killer and face the electric chair (because "Annie" didn't get her way)
My question is......HOW THE HELL DO I GET THIS MEGABITCH OUT OF MY LIFE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Annie's group of people keep lying to the public about who the father actually is. They keep insinuating the father is one of those "hand chopping off" lunatics so that no one will be accepting of the child. I should beat her ass for messing with an innocent life and I am not even a violent person. If someone was smearing the reputation of your innocent child to the point where people were told to "shun" it, what would you do? I've never wanted to physically harm another person on this earth except for my increadibly abusive uncle, but she has gone beyond the normal limits of any person walking this earth. I am not violent at all but I have had to bite my lip repeatedly while her and her spineless followers attack my child so that they can keep me and the child in a certain "class" off people. The real father is in fact amongst the same class as her and I and she just hates that.........she wants control, like a 3 year old toddler, throwing a fit, and everyone clamours around her trying to "keep her happy" because god forbid she have to do something on her own. She used me and my writing to get adopted by the billionaire that took her in and failed to mention it to him. Now I have all this "trash" stalking me because her original group of people, crawled out from under a rock and now think they are all superstars. I want to vomit when one of these people starts YA-ing or YEP-ing me. They are all riding the curtails of this white trash lying little bitch that got adopted by a billionaire by passing off my experiences off as her own. Dont think that I wont take responsibility for my own "white trash" days but at least Im honest about it. They go around showing illeagally taken video tape footage of me in a private setting in order to keep her looking good. I look like a bad person and she once again is able to hold up her manufactured image of the innocent minded girl next door.
Annie lied about everything and did anything she could to sink her claws into an unsuspecting billionaire. Now I have these "people" (her white trash followers) giving me ultimatums. I've been physically attacked by these people on many occasions out of nowhere and simply because they have no ability to express themselves in any other fashion. I am truly mortified at how the girl got in with these people.
This world definitely has no rhyme or reason. Because of the nature of these people and where they come from, you now have a bunch of short cut taking criminals running things, its the biggest, most disgusting thing I have ever been subjected to and forced to watch unfold. Scary. Its like opening up a prison and allowing violent fellons a seat in government. God I want to throw up and they have the nerve to call me disgusting. Im from a normal place, not the sesspool they originate from.
From what I can deduct, this Annie girl is somehow tied in with the bushes, considering the bushes worked exclusively for the billionairs, not for the american people. this is why I was never extracted from the extreme circumstances that I endured while going through traumas equivalent to Jason Bourne while on the street for the last 5 years. Im a person, not a billionaire, so I wasn't worth saving. I'm only a millionaire, at least I was before April and Tara showed up on the scene, now Im lucky if I even get a job thanks to the false reputation of "murderer and theif, and hand chopper offer (which Im not)" I now have amongst the population. They now have control of all my money, my trust fund and I cant even secure a copyright on my own writing without them regaining control over me. I cant even feed my own pregnancy or sleep at night without being threatened with "punishment" for something I didn't do nor would participate in.
Oh and when I finally start winning this battle they throw "child molester" (which Im not) in the mix to try and convince people that I am some sort of bad person.
My question is this....Why, if you have all the luxeries in the world thanks to your billionaire adoptive parents, would you concern yourself to the point of obsession with one homeless writer girl just trying to live her life, if you didn't have have something to hide or didn't want the public to know? Why would you go out of your way to hinder another life when you have everything a girl could want if you weren't scared that you were going to be found out? Does that explain to you why I am being attacked in every direction or what? If I dont shut up, and someone finally realizes that I have been telling the truth the entire time about her deciet, then she loses everything. Thats why she is on a one person mission to anihilate me and my existance. I have had my own income taken from me and have been subjected to cruel and unusual treatment, and now she wants my baby!!!!!!
OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY ANNIE....GO TO HELL AND ROT THERE, YOU AND ARKIN KAPLAN AND RICE. YOU'VE ALL AFFORDED YOURSELVES A VERY NICE SPOT IN THE ULTIMATE PARADISE DOWN UNDER. I WOULD BE VERY AFRAID TO DIE IF I WERE YOU.
DONT ACT LIKE YOUR TRYING TO HELP EITHER. ALL YOUR TRYING TO DO IS KEEP YOUR POCKETS LINED AND AN INNOCENT GIRL FROM EXPOSING WHAT SLIMEY BASTARDS YOU ARE. ROT ETERNALLY, YOU MAKE ME ILL.
YOU MIGHT HAVE EVERYONE ELSE FOOLED BUT YOU DONT HAVE ME FOOLED AND YOU NEVER WILL. IM OVER YOUR HEAD. THAT WHY YOUR GOONS ARE ALWAYS STALKING ME.
Im pregnant and just had to go to the bathroom because the baby is sitting on my bladder, and I given the "okay" routine for a normal function, not to mention that some man in the hall gave me a Tara threat on my way back to the computer. These people never let up, give up or leave me alone. I would love to see these people go to federal prison for their constant abuse of power personally, in business and in government.
Also I am copyriting this entry also
copyrite March 24, 2009 10:18 am L. R. Issel
Here I am in the computer lab trying to find a job and guess what? Still being harassed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant even find a job without being verbally harassed and attacked. I am so tired of this existance I could puke. Being attacked with "YA, YEP, Thats right, I know" etc. is the verbage they use to push me around mentally and they all talk loud enough for me to hear them. They go out of their way to make their cell phone calls right in front of me when they could have just as easily gone to a more private location. Lets not forget the people that continually offer me "pardons" for crimes I haven't commited. Oh and my favorite, coughing loud enough to make my body jump when I am trying to concentrate on reading a job desciption. This all in the 40 minutet period.
I dont know how on earth I am the only person on this earth that is somehow not allowed to sleep in a shelter and find employment without being harassed. Oh, ya and this morning I was told that it is "just" once again, all the pain and harassment I endure, because I stayed at a shelter last night and fed myself because I am pregnant. The "Americans" are now mad at me for needing something very "american" shelter and food. I've had it with the double standard.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is terrorism to the spirit. 3 WORDS TO YOU.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should try it, considering I never go out of my way to disrupt, disturb, or disrespect you. Show a little class.
Copyright March 24, 2009 9:10 am L. R. Issel
I dont know how on earth I am the only person on this earth that is somehow not allowed to sleep in a shelter and find employment without being harassed. Oh, ya and this morning I was told that it is "just" once again, all the pain and harassment I endure, because I stayed at a shelter last night and fed myself because I am pregnant. The "Americans" are now mad at me for needing something very "american" shelter and food. I've had it with the double standard.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is terrorism to the spirit. 3 WORDS TO YOU.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should try it, considering I never go out of my way to disrupt, disturb, or disrespect you. Show a little class.
Copyright March 24, 2009 9:10 am L. R. Issel
Monday, March 23, 2009
Different
Looks like fleece
A fluffy cloud with an underlying golden ivory glow.
Maybe the closest thing to heaven on earth, thus far, supposing there is such a place.
For the souls that glow with that eminance on their own most are left only to be covered with a combination of snow drenched dirt flung at their skins by mans own greed.
I drift amongst these lands a changed canvas.
Once clean and bright covered in thick tar from years of mudslinging
My soul trapped in this body I wish I could unzip and crawl out.
This existance has become so excrutiating.
Its always the same people uttering the same ultimatums and versions of who they think I am.
Im not allowed to have my own personality.
Im not allowed anything normal.
Regular emotions and thought processes totally taboo unless they can equate it with wanting "2" or some celebrity.
Im not allowed to express or explore my own soul. Its like they are afraid that I might slip from their fingers and they would lose grip of something they try so hard to control.
Like a monkey in project X, smart enough to learn and mimic behavior, maybe even smart enough to conduct the experiment itself but not smart enough to realize when someone is not thier friend, mistaking physical presence for loving companionship.
They become tired of the routine testing.
They become depressed and stop functioning as there is nothing left to keep their eyes from closing.
so many open wounds from the war and no one allows even one to close before gashing me again.
Remember that the next time you have the odacity to come within a hundred yards and "ya or yep" me.
Talk about terrorism.
Copyright March 22, 8:55 pm, L. R. Issel
A fluffy cloud with an underlying golden ivory glow.
Maybe the closest thing to heaven on earth, thus far, supposing there is such a place.
For the souls that glow with that eminance on their own most are left only to be covered with a combination of snow drenched dirt flung at their skins by mans own greed.
I drift amongst these lands a changed canvas.
Once clean and bright covered in thick tar from years of mudslinging
My soul trapped in this body I wish I could unzip and crawl out.
This existance has become so excrutiating.
Its always the same people uttering the same ultimatums and versions of who they think I am.
Im not allowed to have my own personality.
Im not allowed anything normal.
Regular emotions and thought processes totally taboo unless they can equate it with wanting "2" or some celebrity.
Im not allowed to express or explore my own soul. Its like they are afraid that I might slip from their fingers and they would lose grip of something they try so hard to control.
Like a monkey in project X, smart enough to learn and mimic behavior, maybe even smart enough to conduct the experiment itself but not smart enough to realize when someone is not thier friend, mistaking physical presence for loving companionship.
They become tired of the routine testing.
They become depressed and stop functioning as there is nothing left to keep their eyes from closing.
so many open wounds from the war and no one allows even one to close before gashing me again.
Remember that the next time you have the odacity to come within a hundred yards and "ya or yep" me.
Talk about terrorism.
Copyright March 22, 8:55 pm, L. R. Issel
Snow storms and Greedy people at my heals......
Its a wonder I dont just eat with my hands because as the stress increases, Im desparate for some sort of comfort. As I consume the first portion of my meal at such a rapid rate, my heart finally slows and my core is able to take over and allow me to eat like a civilized person.
As I spend every waking moment surrounded by completely ignorant people that wont be happy until I have nothing left.....materially or the ability to mentally cognate.
i dont know where these people emerge from. Its like they have been sent here to search and destroy my spirit. They never let up and as they accuse me of various things and make fun of me I wonder why they are consumed with my every action if they have so much disdain for me in the first place. They follow and harrass me constantly, expending mass amounts of energy, only to express their hatred for me. I dont expend that much energy on myself, let alone someone that I dislike.
And here they sit all around me saying "ya, and yep" going out of their way to make my life completely uncomfortable.
Copyright March 22, 8:40 pm, L. R. Issel
As I spend every waking moment surrounded by completely ignorant people that wont be happy until I have nothing left.....materially or the ability to mentally cognate.
i dont know where these people emerge from. Its like they have been sent here to search and destroy my spirit. They never let up and as they accuse me of various things and make fun of me I wonder why they are consumed with my every action if they have so much disdain for me in the first place. They follow and harrass me constantly, expending mass amounts of energy, only to express their hatred for me. I dont expend that much energy on myself, let alone someone that I dislike.
And here they sit all around me saying "ya, and yep" going out of their way to make my life completely uncomfortable.
Copyright March 22, 8:40 pm, L. R. Issel
I was not referring to the man in the red hooded sweatshirt that I got a ride with yesterday as the father of the baby. His wife can attest to that.
The father of the baby is again a 24 year old man from san mateo california and he was wearing a red hooded sweatshirt the night we met and conceived. He is clean cut. I hope you weren't under the wrong impression.
Dad and mom, kc, laney, lenda and linda, kendall and anyone else that is trying to help
Please understand that I am autistic and i dont understand things until after the fact. If I get it within a day I am lucky, sometimes it takes 3 days for me to process what has happened. I am exhausted and overexerted and it is even worse during this period. I am sorry if you got the wrong impression. I would never in a million years do something that is detrimental on purpose.
To the man that thinks that i am only 3 months pregnant because my due date is in sept., you dont understand that technically a human gestation period is about 9 mos and 3 weeks most of the time. This is how I am technically 4 months pregnant right now. I wasn't lying and the man in the red hooded sweatshirt is definitely the father.
I was starving last night and had some sort of roll up things from maverick.
I dont know why but I am now being called okay, again. I dont know what i did? I just want to have a normal day possibly with some joy and laughter.
Im not a lyer.
To the man that thinks that i am only 3 months pregnant because my due date is in sept., you dont understand that technically a human gestation period is about 9 mos and 3 weeks most of the time. This is how I am technically 4 months pregnant right now. I wasn't lying and the man in the red hooded sweatshirt is definitely the father.
I was starving last night and had some sort of roll up things from maverick.
I dont know why but I am now being called okay, again. I dont know what i did? I just want to have a normal day possibly with some joy and laughter.
Im not a lyer.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
The nightmare continues
I dont know what the problem is with some people but I have grown tired of trying to explain myself.
Heres the latest explanation.
I am NOT ACTING, I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! I DONT KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET FEDERAL PROTECTION, BUT IM GOING TO END UP DEAD SOON IF SOMEONE DOESN'T HELP ME.
I AM AUTISTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE AND I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE STANDING ON STREET CORNERS AMIST THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE GAWKING AT ME.
I AM NOT PLAYING A GAME AND NOW IN AN EFFORT TO REMOVE MYSELF FROM VIEW BY GOING DOWN TO THE AIRPORT TERMINAL TO TRY AND CATCH A SHUTTLE SO THAT STALKERS WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DETERMINE MY WHEREABOUTS, THE BABY'S FATHER LEFT ME AND OBAMA THINKS THAT I AM PLAYING SOME SORT OF GAME. I AM NOT PLAYING!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY THAT, SOME GIRL HAS ONCE AGAIN COLLECTED CREDIT FOR MY LIFE.
AGAIN MY ACTIONS ARE NOT PREMEDITATED AND I AM NOT A PART OF THE CROWD THAT SAYS "4 DINNER, 4 BREAKFAST, 4 LUNCH, 4HOUSES, ETC." I AM AN AMERICAN DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM TIRED OF BEING LIED ABOUT. I LITTERALLY HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG AND HAVE BEEN FULLY TRAUMATIZED BY WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH.
I WAS SAVING WORMS LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING FOR REASONS THAT THIS WORLD WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. i AM SO FREAKEN TIRED OF HEARTLESS PEOPLE ALWAYS TRYING TO BLAME ME FOR SOMETHING THAT I DECIDED TO SAVE SOMETHING THAT HAS 5 HEARTS AND IS AS INNOCENT AS CAN BE.
SOMETIMES I STAND ON THE STREET AND JUST STARE OFF INTO SPACE BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
NOW THE PRESIDENT HAS TURNED ON ME BECAUSE HE MISINTERPRETED MY ACTIONS.
i FELL IN THE SHOWER THIS MORNING AND SPLIT MY EYE OPEN, THERE IS A BIG OL GASH.
I WAS NEVER PLAYING AND EVERYONE TREATS EVERY ACTION OR LACK OF ACTION LIKE IT IS SOME SORT OF GAME. MY LIFE IS NOT A GAME.
NOW KIDS ARE TURNED AGAINST ME AND I STILL HAVEN'T CHEWED ANYTHING. HAD TO STAY AT A MOTEL 6 LAST NIGHT BECAUSE IT IS THE CHEEPEST HOTEL, AND THAT SOMEHOW MADE THE KIDS THINK THAT I SOMEHOW WASN'T ON THEIR SIDE.
THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN MORTIFYING AND TRAUMATIZING. I DIDN'T GET CREDIT FOR NOT EVEN ONE THING THAT I ACCOMPLISHED, TARA TOOK CREDIT FOR THINGS SHE NEVER EVEN ACCOMPLISHED. AND NOW OBAMA IS ENCOURAGING THE PROCESS.
wHILE WAITING AT THE AIRPORT THEY KEPT GIVING ME ULTIMATUMS ABOUT IF I WERE TO WALK IN ONE DIRECTION OR ANOTHER THAT THE DIRECTION WOULD DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT I WOULD BE GETTING AN ABORTION. PREPOSTEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i AM NOT ABORTING THIS BABY AND IT WILL NEVER BE AFFILIATED WITH FOREST GREEN OR ANY OTHER ATROCITY. WHOEVER HAS DONE THIS TO MY LIFE I DONT KNOW HOW THEY WONT HAVE TO PAY KARMICALLY.
IM SICK OF THESE PEOPLE CAUGHING AT ME, ITS NOT A NATURAL COUGH, ITS A FAKE, IM TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION COUGH.
IM AN AMERICAN AND HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. WHERE DOES IT SAY IN THE CONSTITUTION THAT ONLY 1 GIRL IS ALLOWED TO BE A REPRESENTATIVE OF AMERICA. I HAVE FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL TO EXIST IN THIS COUNTRY AND HAVE LESS RIGHTS THAN A DOG. NO ONE WILL EVEN ALLOW ME TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST TO PROVE THAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH.
OH, AND THE PEOPLE THAT KEEP CRINKLING THEIR FOREHEAD AT ME, I AM NOT PART OF YOUR GROUP EITHER AS IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE GROUPS RESPONSIBLE FOR SOME OF THE SABOTAGE THAT HAS HAPPENED.
I WAS IN THE STORE SOBBING LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN UP AGAINST ALL ODDS AND IT FEELS LIKE IT WONT EVER END (AT LEAST IN A POSITIVE WAY) AND ALL I HEAR IS AGAIN HOW EVERYTHING IS "JUST". I HAVE LOST ALL HOPE IN HUMANITY.
HOW IS IT THAT ONE GIRL CAN BE SET UP TO LOOK SO BAD ALL THE TIME AND THE OTHER HAS AN ARMY SUPPORTING HER.
AFTER I LEFT THE HOTEL ROOM, I REALIZED THAT I FORGOT TO FLUSH THE TOILET AND NOW I WORRY THAT THE MAID GOT PAID TO DROP SOME SORT OF BAD THING IN MY URINE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IM SOME SORT OF DRUG OR ALCOHOL ABUSER. iTS HAPPENED MANY TIMES BEFORE. i CAN PASS A DRUG TEST AT ANYTIME FOR THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE.....THE PRESIDENT , THE SECRET SERVICE, THE MILITARY (EVEN THOUGH I DONT AGREE WITH THAT LIFESTYLE) OR MY FATHER. OTHERWISE I DONT REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
I WISH EVERYONE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
I CANT HANDLE YOUR CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS.
THANK YOU TO THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME LAST NIGHT.
Heres the latest explanation.
I am NOT ACTING, I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! I DONT KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET FEDERAL PROTECTION, BUT IM GOING TO END UP DEAD SOON IF SOMEONE DOESN'T HELP ME.
I AM AUTISTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE AND I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE STANDING ON STREET CORNERS AMIST THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE GAWKING AT ME.
I AM NOT PLAYING A GAME AND NOW IN AN EFFORT TO REMOVE MYSELF FROM VIEW BY GOING DOWN TO THE AIRPORT TERMINAL TO TRY AND CATCH A SHUTTLE SO THAT STALKERS WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DETERMINE MY WHEREABOUTS, THE BABY'S FATHER LEFT ME AND OBAMA THINKS THAT I AM PLAYING SOME SORT OF GAME. I AM NOT PLAYING!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY THAT, SOME GIRL HAS ONCE AGAIN COLLECTED CREDIT FOR MY LIFE.
AGAIN MY ACTIONS ARE NOT PREMEDITATED AND I AM NOT A PART OF THE CROWD THAT SAYS "4 DINNER, 4 BREAKFAST, 4 LUNCH, 4HOUSES, ETC." I AM AN AMERICAN DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM TIRED OF BEING LIED ABOUT. I LITTERALLY HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG AND HAVE BEEN FULLY TRAUMATIZED BY WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH.
I WAS SAVING WORMS LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING FOR REASONS THAT THIS WORLD WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. i AM SO FREAKEN TIRED OF HEARTLESS PEOPLE ALWAYS TRYING TO BLAME ME FOR SOMETHING THAT I DECIDED TO SAVE SOMETHING THAT HAS 5 HEARTS AND IS AS INNOCENT AS CAN BE.
SOMETIMES I STAND ON THE STREET AND JUST STARE OFF INTO SPACE BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
NOW THE PRESIDENT HAS TURNED ON ME BECAUSE HE MISINTERPRETED MY ACTIONS.
i FELL IN THE SHOWER THIS MORNING AND SPLIT MY EYE OPEN, THERE IS A BIG OL GASH.
I WAS NEVER PLAYING AND EVERYONE TREATS EVERY ACTION OR LACK OF ACTION LIKE IT IS SOME SORT OF GAME. MY LIFE IS NOT A GAME.
NOW KIDS ARE TURNED AGAINST ME AND I STILL HAVEN'T CHEWED ANYTHING. HAD TO STAY AT A MOTEL 6 LAST NIGHT BECAUSE IT IS THE CHEEPEST HOTEL, AND THAT SOMEHOW MADE THE KIDS THINK THAT I SOMEHOW WASN'T ON THEIR SIDE.
THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN MORTIFYING AND TRAUMATIZING. I DIDN'T GET CREDIT FOR NOT EVEN ONE THING THAT I ACCOMPLISHED, TARA TOOK CREDIT FOR THINGS SHE NEVER EVEN ACCOMPLISHED. AND NOW OBAMA IS ENCOURAGING THE PROCESS.
wHILE WAITING AT THE AIRPORT THEY KEPT GIVING ME ULTIMATUMS ABOUT IF I WERE TO WALK IN ONE DIRECTION OR ANOTHER THAT THE DIRECTION WOULD DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT I WOULD BE GETTING AN ABORTION. PREPOSTEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i AM NOT ABORTING THIS BABY AND IT WILL NEVER BE AFFILIATED WITH FOREST GREEN OR ANY OTHER ATROCITY. WHOEVER HAS DONE THIS TO MY LIFE I DONT KNOW HOW THEY WONT HAVE TO PAY KARMICALLY.
IM SICK OF THESE PEOPLE CAUGHING AT ME, ITS NOT A NATURAL COUGH, ITS A FAKE, IM TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION COUGH.
IM AN AMERICAN AND HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. WHERE DOES IT SAY IN THE CONSTITUTION THAT ONLY 1 GIRL IS ALLOWED TO BE A REPRESENTATIVE OF AMERICA. I HAVE FOUGHT TOOTH AND NAIL TO EXIST IN THIS COUNTRY AND HAVE LESS RIGHTS THAN A DOG. NO ONE WILL EVEN ALLOW ME TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST TO PROVE THAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH.
OH, AND THE PEOPLE THAT KEEP CRINKLING THEIR FOREHEAD AT ME, I AM NOT PART OF YOUR GROUP EITHER AS IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE GROUPS RESPONSIBLE FOR SOME OF THE SABOTAGE THAT HAS HAPPENED.
I WAS IN THE STORE SOBBING LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN UP AGAINST ALL ODDS AND IT FEELS LIKE IT WONT EVER END (AT LEAST IN A POSITIVE WAY) AND ALL I HEAR IS AGAIN HOW EVERYTHING IS "JUST". I HAVE LOST ALL HOPE IN HUMANITY.
HOW IS IT THAT ONE GIRL CAN BE SET UP TO LOOK SO BAD ALL THE TIME AND THE OTHER HAS AN ARMY SUPPORTING HER.
AFTER I LEFT THE HOTEL ROOM, I REALIZED THAT I FORGOT TO FLUSH THE TOILET AND NOW I WORRY THAT THE MAID GOT PAID TO DROP SOME SORT OF BAD THING IN MY URINE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IM SOME SORT OF DRUG OR ALCOHOL ABUSER. iTS HAPPENED MANY TIMES BEFORE. i CAN PASS A DRUG TEST AT ANYTIME FOR THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE.....THE PRESIDENT , THE SECRET SERVICE, THE MILITARY (EVEN THOUGH I DONT AGREE WITH THAT LIFESTYLE) OR MY FATHER. OTHERWISE I DONT REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
I WISH EVERYONE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
I CANT HANDLE YOUR CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS.
THANK YOU TO THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME LAST NIGHT.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
update
had to start traveling again due to all the stalkers. Finally talked to my best friend and was totally stoked to be dealing with someone normal.
Went into one eastern town and found alumni from yale. Didn't really put two and two together until it was to late and I was an hour and a half away. Apparently the conartists that routinely go through my trash had found a paper with codes on it. They used this paper to try and convince Yale that I was a conartist, because the girl that has been going there, that used my notebook full of genetic research and information in code, has been going to Yale off that notebook for quite some time. I am beyond angry that I cant ever get credit for something that is mine. This girl is such a freaken con I want to throw up. They called me "cool" for having a midnight snack that I didn't have to chew because I hadn't eaten or drank all day. This is a term they use to tell you that some girl just skipped off with something that you busted your ass to accomplish. I dont know how they dont thinK their Karma will catch up to them.
Everybody is bullying me, people constantly saying "YA, and "Yep" at every turn just to reemphasize their annoying stalking presence in my life. They are lucky that I can show restraint. Otherwise half these ill intentioned stalkers would be getting a knuckle sandwich. I have a bunch of jailbirds following me around taking credit for various things in my life, hence the fake "B" that goes around starving herself to prove her love to the world and then taking credit for my accomplishments, that is how I keep getting shistered.
News update I am not the military sort, again although I have respect for you, i DO NOT WISH TO LIVE THAT LIFESTYLE. AND ED STILL WONT GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!
These people still expect me to be found guilty of crimes I didn't commit, just so that some con can "justify" taking my identity and life. From codes that I broke that won awards to writing that has produced millions of dollars I am mortified at the fact that I have been turned into public enemy number 1. The dahli lama has even read one of my poems about freeing people from their bondage and the world thinks that "B" wrote it. Then the letter that I wrote to the children of the world....same thing. People everywhere praise my various accomplishments and then turn around and hiss at me not even knowing that it was me who has struggled against the odds and succeeded, only to be made to look like some sort of mentally ill, agressing monster. I cant believe the shoes I fill everyday, the reputation that i am stuck with isn't even mine. I am a kind person but you wouldn't know it. People might as well be throwing tomatoes at me. I have to admit that on occasion, I have lost all tact and class because I deal with an impossible situation 24 hours a day 7 days a week and being pregnant and homeless because someone wants what you bled and almost died for, got raped repeatedly for, got beaten and falsely encarserated for and get threatened for ever hour of the day, is enough to make you lose your temper once in a while. I dont even get to shine at my greatest achievements, things that have touched the world. Its the biggest hoax of the 21st century. They made the world hate me, for no other reason than they were just to freaken lazy to come up with their own material.
Everytime I am made an offer of my own money or accomplishments, because of the Autism, it takes to long to process and by the time I figure out what is happening, they take back the offer and I am again left with nothing. Either that, or I just dont know how to accept the offer legally in the first place. Traveling should have nothing to do with whether or not you get what you rightfully earned. I am not traveling trying to get 2, and I wish all those people would leave me alone. I didn't grow up talking like that and if I never hear that phrase ever again, i will be thankful.
Luv ya Obama, I think you are wonderful. I have to travel now as I am in the middle of the desert.
Luv ya Dad, and mom (even though you are still in a glamour competition everyday of your life.)
Luv ya Kendall and Beth
Luv ya to all the old friends and to all the kids I love you to regardless of what the lying men in carhearts say. I am sorry that you are being lied to.
This is how I got to spend 5 hours in a hotel, truthful account of events....
Met a man in the middle of the desert at 3 in the morning. He was drunk and on his way to eat at the 24 hour restaurant. I asked him outside if he had a place I could go inside til 7 or 8 in the morning as it was freezing outside. He said yes, that wouldn't be a problem and that he lived somewhere nearby. He said he would call a taxi. I agreed because I was desparate and exhausted. After attempting to call the cab, he said that the cab people weren't answering the phone and that he would just have to rent a hotel. I assumed he said this because he didn't think he could make it home on his own. He rented a room and said that I could stay til morning. I thanked him and we went in, no he had no wedding ring on so I wasn't worried but still asked if he was married and would it be a problem to house a pregnant girl for 4 hours. He said no.
We get up to the room and he starts treating me as if I am some sort of escort. I quickly enlighten him to the fact that I am nothing of the sort and could he stop pushing personal space boundaries, he then tells me that he feels like a sucker that he rented the room only because of me and then tells me that I made him feel bad about himself. RED FLAG.... I was nothing but polite to this man, to a fault that was pushing my limits. I thanked him and told him that I would leave, he insisted that I stay and then he left, telling me to be sure to be out by 11. I agreed and that was that. Also he took a shower before he left. I am thankful to this man but am afraid because he tryed to pull the "transference of blame" game that is classic of mental abuse, of what he told the rest of the world.
Also last night I was confronted by a complete stranger about taking an alcohol and drug test in order to stay in the lobby of a hotel. I found this completely invasive as I only needed a place to stay for a couple of hours and they mentioned that I would have to "follow" while there. Follow who? I dont just follow anyone. I declined, not because I was afraid to take a drug/alcohol test , but becuase my word should be enough as I dont lie. Especially for a couple of hours. If my father asked me to take a test for him, no problem, nothing to hide, but for a complete stranger that I knew for a moment, I dont think so. This happened before I met the drunk man.
PS the entire time I have been typing this I have been verbally harassed! There hasn't been a moment passed that I have been allowed to type in peace without someone insinuating that I have alterior motives for participating in something that litterally keeps me sane. It has been to much for them to extend a pieceful half hour without their snide comments. Ill comments directed at me for no reason at all. I dont even know these people and I dont know how they dont consider what they are doing harassment. They get away with harassing me in one form or another everyday.
I am asking the universe to get these stalking convicts out of my life as that is a lifestyle I have no interest in. I am pleading with the universe to remove them from my existance as I am no criminal, no theif, no murderer, no drug user, no child molester, no con artist, can you get me away from these people as I have been mistakenly put amongst a population of people I have nothing in common? Its not that I dont have compassion for them, its just that I dont live my life that way and I never will. You cant convince me that traveling makes you guilty of something. I am traveling to find a home for me and my baby. No other reason.
I am asking to be surrounded by positive, flamboyant, creative, law abiding people that dont play games with peoples lives because they have their own goals and dreams and thrive on contributing something to this world. Someone please help me, I am very tired I am tired of being surrounded by filth.......mind, body, and spirit. You would understand if you were me.
Went into one eastern town and found alumni from yale. Didn't really put two and two together until it was to late and I was an hour and a half away. Apparently the conartists that routinely go through my trash had found a paper with codes on it. They used this paper to try and convince Yale that I was a conartist, because the girl that has been going there, that used my notebook full of genetic research and information in code, has been going to Yale off that notebook for quite some time. I am beyond angry that I cant ever get credit for something that is mine. This girl is such a freaken con I want to throw up. They called me "cool" for having a midnight snack that I didn't have to chew because I hadn't eaten or drank all day. This is a term they use to tell you that some girl just skipped off with something that you busted your ass to accomplish. I dont know how they dont thinK their Karma will catch up to them.
Everybody is bullying me, people constantly saying "YA, and "Yep" at every turn just to reemphasize their annoying stalking presence in my life. They are lucky that I can show restraint. Otherwise half these ill intentioned stalkers would be getting a knuckle sandwich. I have a bunch of jailbirds following me around taking credit for various things in my life, hence the fake "B" that goes around starving herself to prove her love to the world and then taking credit for my accomplishments, that is how I keep getting shistered.
News update I am not the military sort, again although I have respect for you, i DO NOT WISH TO LIVE THAT LIFESTYLE. AND ED STILL WONT GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!
These people still expect me to be found guilty of crimes I didn't commit, just so that some con can "justify" taking my identity and life. From codes that I broke that won awards to writing that has produced millions of dollars I am mortified at the fact that I have been turned into public enemy number 1. The dahli lama has even read one of my poems about freeing people from their bondage and the world thinks that "B" wrote it. Then the letter that I wrote to the children of the world....same thing. People everywhere praise my various accomplishments and then turn around and hiss at me not even knowing that it was me who has struggled against the odds and succeeded, only to be made to look like some sort of mentally ill, agressing monster. I cant believe the shoes I fill everyday, the reputation that i am stuck with isn't even mine. I am a kind person but you wouldn't know it. People might as well be throwing tomatoes at me. I have to admit that on occasion, I have lost all tact and class because I deal with an impossible situation 24 hours a day 7 days a week and being pregnant and homeless because someone wants what you bled and almost died for, got raped repeatedly for, got beaten and falsely encarserated for and get threatened for ever hour of the day, is enough to make you lose your temper once in a while. I dont even get to shine at my greatest achievements, things that have touched the world. Its the biggest hoax of the 21st century. They made the world hate me, for no other reason than they were just to freaken lazy to come up with their own material.
Everytime I am made an offer of my own money or accomplishments, because of the Autism, it takes to long to process and by the time I figure out what is happening, they take back the offer and I am again left with nothing. Either that, or I just dont know how to accept the offer legally in the first place. Traveling should have nothing to do with whether or not you get what you rightfully earned. I am not traveling trying to get 2, and I wish all those people would leave me alone. I didn't grow up talking like that and if I never hear that phrase ever again, i will be thankful.
Luv ya Obama, I think you are wonderful. I have to travel now as I am in the middle of the desert.
Luv ya Dad, and mom (even though you are still in a glamour competition everyday of your life.)
Luv ya Kendall and Beth
Luv ya to all the old friends and to all the kids I love you to regardless of what the lying men in carhearts say. I am sorry that you are being lied to.
This is how I got to spend 5 hours in a hotel, truthful account of events....
Met a man in the middle of the desert at 3 in the morning. He was drunk and on his way to eat at the 24 hour restaurant. I asked him outside if he had a place I could go inside til 7 or 8 in the morning as it was freezing outside. He said yes, that wouldn't be a problem and that he lived somewhere nearby. He said he would call a taxi. I agreed because I was desparate and exhausted. After attempting to call the cab, he said that the cab people weren't answering the phone and that he would just have to rent a hotel. I assumed he said this because he didn't think he could make it home on his own. He rented a room and said that I could stay til morning. I thanked him and we went in, no he had no wedding ring on so I wasn't worried but still asked if he was married and would it be a problem to house a pregnant girl for 4 hours. He said no.
We get up to the room and he starts treating me as if I am some sort of escort. I quickly enlighten him to the fact that I am nothing of the sort and could he stop pushing personal space boundaries, he then tells me that he feels like a sucker that he rented the room only because of me and then tells me that I made him feel bad about himself. RED FLAG.... I was nothing but polite to this man, to a fault that was pushing my limits. I thanked him and told him that I would leave, he insisted that I stay and then he left, telling me to be sure to be out by 11. I agreed and that was that. Also he took a shower before he left. I am thankful to this man but am afraid because he tryed to pull the "transference of blame" game that is classic of mental abuse, of what he told the rest of the world.
Also last night I was confronted by a complete stranger about taking an alcohol and drug test in order to stay in the lobby of a hotel. I found this completely invasive as I only needed a place to stay for a couple of hours and they mentioned that I would have to "follow" while there. Follow who? I dont just follow anyone. I declined, not because I was afraid to take a drug/alcohol test , but becuase my word should be enough as I dont lie. Especially for a couple of hours. If my father asked me to take a test for him, no problem, nothing to hide, but for a complete stranger that I knew for a moment, I dont think so. This happened before I met the drunk man.
PS the entire time I have been typing this I have been verbally harassed! There hasn't been a moment passed that I have been allowed to type in peace without someone insinuating that I have alterior motives for participating in something that litterally keeps me sane. It has been to much for them to extend a pieceful half hour without their snide comments. Ill comments directed at me for no reason at all. I dont even know these people and I dont know how they dont consider what they are doing harassment. They get away with harassing me in one form or another everyday.
I am asking the universe to get these stalking convicts out of my life as that is a lifestyle I have no interest in. I am pleading with the universe to remove them from my existance as I am no criminal, no theif, no murderer, no drug user, no child molester, no con artist, can you get me away from these people as I have been mistakenly put amongst a population of people I have nothing in common? Its not that I dont have compassion for them, its just that I dont live my life that way and I never will. You cant convince me that traveling makes you guilty of something. I am traveling to find a home for me and my baby. No other reason.
I am asking to be surrounded by positive, flamboyant, creative, law abiding people that dont play games with peoples lives because they have their own goals and dreams and thrive on contributing something to this world. Someone please help me, I am very tired I am tired of being surrounded by filth.......mind, body, and spirit. You would understand if you were me.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Everything you see me participate in is not a game, I was never playing.
AGAIN, i HAVE AUTISM AND I AM AFFECTED GREATLY BY THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY. IF SOMETHING MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE, i LEAVE. iT ONLY TAKES ONE MISPLACED PHRASE OR ACTION THAT i TAKE LITTERALLY AND i AM OUT OF THERE.
UNFORTUNATELY, YOU SEEM TO THINK THAT IF i DONT AGREE TO BE "READY" THAT i AM SOMEHOW AGREEING TO "SELL" MY CHILD. ALL OF YOU ARE BEYOND REDICOULOUS. i DONT ADHERE TO YOUR SILLY RULES ABOUT LIFE. i ABIDE BY THE LAW AND DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO PROVE SOMETHING TO STRANGERS THAT DONT CARE ABOUT ME AND THAT ARE TRYING TO WIN SOME SORT OF GAME.
THE BABY IS NOT FOR SALE AND iM NOT GETTING AN ABORTION. NONE OF YOU SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT I LOVE THIS CHILD AND THIS MATTER IS NO LONGER UP FOR DEBATE.
THAT DISGUSTING MAN IS NOT THE FATHER OF THIS CHILD. YOU SHOULD NEVER BE THINKING THAT MY LIFE IS SOMEHOW YOUR BUSINESS. YOU DIG THROUGH MY TRASHM, TELL ME WHEN AND WHERE i CAN BE AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA THAT YOU ARE NOT MY KEEPER.
i AM A DECENT SMART INTELLIGENT AND OVERSTRESSED PERSON THAT DESERVES TO LIVE UP TO HER FULL POTENTIAL. iM SICK OF YOUR LIES AND YOUR ATTEMPTS AT PUTTING ME UNDERGROUND.
iF I LEAVE AN AREA, IT IS BECAUSE i DONT THINK THAT i CAN MAKE A GOOD LIFE IN THAT ENVIRONMENT.
yOU HAVE ALIENATED ME FROM ALL MY OLD FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND i DONT APPRECIATE YOUR CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS OF THEFT IN ORDER TO TRY AND GET ME ARRESTED. AND NO, YOU WONT BE GIVING ME A SHOT FOR A MENTAL DISORDER THAT i DONT HAVE. yoU ARE REALLY GOING TO GO TO HELL. Especially for your accusations of hanus crimes that you continue to blame a girl with no resources in which to pull off a certain crime. You have accused me of everything and a lot of people have used me as their scapegoat. GO FIND ANOTHER FREAKEN SCAPEGOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE POSITION FOR MEAN, CRUEL, JERKS, THAT NEED TO USE SOMEONE ELSE IN LIFE TO LEVERAGE THEMSELVES HAS BEEN FILLED AND THERE IS A WAITING LIST.......UNFORTUNATELY.
I dont know why you think that you get to dictate my ability to have fun or eat. I am not in a concentration camp.....or am I? Im always harassed and you never leave me alone.
i SHOULD BE TELLING YOU WHETHER OR NOT YOU GET TO EAT AFTER ALL THAT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH. aND WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK THAT YOU ARE OF SOME HIGHER CLASS THAN ME? yOU ALWAYS THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU PUT ON A GREY SHIRT THAT YOU ARE SOMEHOW SOME SORT OF ROYALTY? PLEASE, YOUVE NEVER EVEN STEPPED OUT OF YOUR OWN TIME ZONE OR SPENT 30 DAYS SLEEPING ON THE STREET, OR STARVED YOUR ASS OFF, OR FROZE IN THE SNOW FOR YOUR SUPPOSED "KINGDOM" AND YOU EXPECT ME TO REALLY TAKE ANYTHING YOU SAY SERIOUSLY. tALK TO ME IN 5 YEARS AFTER YOU HAVE SURVIVED WITH NO RESOURCES AND THEN MAYBE I WILL ENTERTAIN YOUR STATEMENTS THEN. UNTIL THEN, I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU.
CARHEART PEOPLE, LEAVE ME ALONE. i AM NOT ONE OF YOU.
STOP STALKING ME.
UNFORTUNATELY, YOU SEEM TO THINK THAT IF i DONT AGREE TO BE "READY" THAT i AM SOMEHOW AGREEING TO "SELL" MY CHILD. ALL OF YOU ARE BEYOND REDICOULOUS. i DONT ADHERE TO YOUR SILLY RULES ABOUT LIFE. i ABIDE BY THE LAW AND DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO PROVE SOMETHING TO STRANGERS THAT DONT CARE ABOUT ME AND THAT ARE TRYING TO WIN SOME SORT OF GAME.
THE BABY IS NOT FOR SALE AND iM NOT GETTING AN ABORTION. NONE OF YOU SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT I LOVE THIS CHILD AND THIS MATTER IS NO LONGER UP FOR DEBATE.
THAT DISGUSTING MAN IS NOT THE FATHER OF THIS CHILD. YOU SHOULD NEVER BE THINKING THAT MY LIFE IS SOMEHOW YOUR BUSINESS. YOU DIG THROUGH MY TRASHM, TELL ME WHEN AND WHERE i CAN BE AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA THAT YOU ARE NOT MY KEEPER.
i AM A DECENT SMART INTELLIGENT AND OVERSTRESSED PERSON THAT DESERVES TO LIVE UP TO HER FULL POTENTIAL. iM SICK OF YOUR LIES AND YOUR ATTEMPTS AT PUTTING ME UNDERGROUND.
iF I LEAVE AN AREA, IT IS BECAUSE i DONT THINK THAT i CAN MAKE A GOOD LIFE IN THAT ENVIRONMENT.
yOU HAVE ALIENATED ME FROM ALL MY OLD FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND i DONT APPRECIATE YOUR CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS OF THEFT IN ORDER TO TRY AND GET ME ARRESTED. AND NO, YOU WONT BE GIVING ME A SHOT FOR A MENTAL DISORDER THAT i DONT HAVE. yoU ARE REALLY GOING TO GO TO HELL. Especially for your accusations of hanus crimes that you continue to blame a girl with no resources in which to pull off a certain crime. You have accused me of everything and a lot of people have used me as their scapegoat. GO FIND ANOTHER FREAKEN SCAPEGOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE POSITION FOR MEAN, CRUEL, JERKS, THAT NEED TO USE SOMEONE ELSE IN LIFE TO LEVERAGE THEMSELVES HAS BEEN FILLED AND THERE IS A WAITING LIST.......UNFORTUNATELY.
I dont know why you think that you get to dictate my ability to have fun or eat. I am not in a concentration camp.....or am I? Im always harassed and you never leave me alone.
i SHOULD BE TELLING YOU WHETHER OR NOT YOU GET TO EAT AFTER ALL THAT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH. aND WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK THAT YOU ARE OF SOME HIGHER CLASS THAN ME? yOU ALWAYS THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU PUT ON A GREY SHIRT THAT YOU ARE SOMEHOW SOME SORT OF ROYALTY? PLEASE, YOUVE NEVER EVEN STEPPED OUT OF YOUR OWN TIME ZONE OR SPENT 30 DAYS SLEEPING ON THE STREET, OR STARVED YOUR ASS OFF, OR FROZE IN THE SNOW FOR YOUR SUPPOSED "KINGDOM" AND YOU EXPECT ME TO REALLY TAKE ANYTHING YOU SAY SERIOUSLY. tALK TO ME IN 5 YEARS AFTER YOU HAVE SURVIVED WITH NO RESOURCES AND THEN MAYBE I WILL ENTERTAIN YOUR STATEMENTS THEN. UNTIL THEN, I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU.
CARHEART PEOPLE, LEAVE ME ALONE. i AM NOT ONE OF YOU.
STOP STALKING ME.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Im still confused, I dont understand how yu can be innocent one moment and then guilty again the next.
These people dont understand that I am totally autistic. I am not a terrorist. I dont understand what is going on around me or why I am being held responsible for things that I dont understand or have knowledge of. Im so tired. It never seems to get better and as usual when ED gets involved in any portion of my day, I am again threatened with the electric chair. Why cant I just be homeless and have places to stay here and there without being accused of something. I have no agenda and I dont understand how to "do" or what that means. Im so tired of being mentally played with so that Tara can have my life. Im not playing games and they never stop trying to play games with my life.
I miss my friend Kendall, Im so tired of trying to live without friendship or love and I am totally tired of just having myself to lean on.
Ive been beyond tired and nauseous today. I felt like i got hit by a vehicle, barely able to move around. Its aweful. Im so tired. Most of my pregnancy being denied to a large population and me always having to be on the move everyday constantly pursued by conartists and people trying to take away people I care about.
I saw a picture of Prince Harry tonight and I smiled. Prince Harry looks like my baby's dad and it provided comfort to a girl that has litterally been on her own the entire duration of this pregnancy. Its been so hard to be alone. Im so tired of people fighting over the rights to my child. I am a great person with increadible morals. I dont steal or talk badly about people, I dont understand why people keep lying about me. Its breaking my heart that they are trying to pass my kid off as the offspring of some overgrown oaf that resembles my uncle Ed. Not the case. I miss normal people. Freespirited, openminded people that dont find fault with people for rediculous things that dont matter. I miss my friends.
Im going to end up dead if someone doesn't stop my uncle ED. He wont stop trying to hurt me and I have now met a couple people that have already spoken of an "accident" happening to me. As a matter of fact, there was a gas leak in the motel that I stayed in on the eastern city that I stayed at. I cant help but wonder if that was on purpose. It was centralized in my room. He's been wanting me dead for a very long time but then again, so has the united nations. They tried to kill me in August of 2007. I was kidnapped and brought to this location where everyone kept passing by to "view" me in the room they had placed me all saying "it is just"and talking of operations to remove body parts of mine as well as killing me if I was cooperative. I was drugged and attacked almost the entire time. I am so tired of people trying to use me as some reason to hurt another or my own life. I cant get these crazy people out of my life. They wont leave me alone or stop threatening me. Im so nauseated I just want a normal existance and the ability to deal with just the pregnancy. Im such a love I dont deserve to be exposed to such harshness.
I think I have something figured out, it is T that might be my biggest problem. I am safe when I am in American territory or when I am in the Kings circle. Such compassion in that place and a feeling of love and safety and geniune care for all involved. But when exposed to A or T my life is harsh and there is no compassion. Its taken me until today to make the distinction. No wonder William was so angry with me for so long. I had no idea though while it was happening. He must have thought that it was on purpose. He must have thought that I was on the opposite side on purpose. But that wasn't the case, I just had no knowledge of what was happening. I am autistic and it takes forever to process information when not being exposed to traumatic events and even longer when I am being subjected to such harsh treatment and mental head games. Now that I have it partially figured out, Ill know where to "try" and stay within the lines. Ill forget somethings along the way but will remember them again hopefully soon, thats what its like having autism.
People are still accusing me of wanting 2, and I STILL dont know what the hell they are talking about.
All I really know is that I miss my sis, Kendall. Her and Beth are really the only people I will miss (with the exception of my family on both sides) if they decide to completely ignore me and the baby's existance. I love them but really didn't know that there weren't more people like them on this earth. Of all the thousands of people that I have met, I have yet to find their replacements. There are none, and I am forever affected. I miss my old life and the people in it. Right now I am surrounded by people I dont have the ability to relate to.
I miss my friend Kendall, Im so tired of trying to live without friendship or love and I am totally tired of just having myself to lean on.
Ive been beyond tired and nauseous today. I felt like i got hit by a vehicle, barely able to move around. Its aweful. Im so tired. Most of my pregnancy being denied to a large population and me always having to be on the move everyday constantly pursued by conartists and people trying to take away people I care about.
I saw a picture of Prince Harry tonight and I smiled. Prince Harry looks like my baby's dad and it provided comfort to a girl that has litterally been on her own the entire duration of this pregnancy. Its been so hard to be alone. Im so tired of people fighting over the rights to my child. I am a great person with increadible morals. I dont steal or talk badly about people, I dont understand why people keep lying about me. Its breaking my heart that they are trying to pass my kid off as the offspring of some overgrown oaf that resembles my uncle Ed. Not the case. I miss normal people. Freespirited, openminded people that dont find fault with people for rediculous things that dont matter. I miss my friends.
Im going to end up dead if someone doesn't stop my uncle ED. He wont stop trying to hurt me and I have now met a couple people that have already spoken of an "accident" happening to me. As a matter of fact, there was a gas leak in the motel that I stayed in on the eastern city that I stayed at. I cant help but wonder if that was on purpose. It was centralized in my room. He's been wanting me dead for a very long time but then again, so has the united nations. They tried to kill me in August of 2007. I was kidnapped and brought to this location where everyone kept passing by to "view" me in the room they had placed me all saying "it is just"and talking of operations to remove body parts of mine as well as killing me if I was cooperative. I was drugged and attacked almost the entire time. I am so tired of people trying to use me as some reason to hurt another or my own life. I cant get these crazy people out of my life. They wont leave me alone or stop threatening me. Im so nauseated I just want a normal existance and the ability to deal with just the pregnancy. Im such a love I dont deserve to be exposed to such harshness.
I think I have something figured out, it is T that might be my biggest problem. I am safe when I am in American territory or when I am in the Kings circle. Such compassion in that place and a feeling of love and safety and geniune care for all involved. But when exposed to A or T my life is harsh and there is no compassion. Its taken me until today to make the distinction. No wonder William was so angry with me for so long. I had no idea though while it was happening. He must have thought that it was on purpose. He must have thought that I was on the opposite side on purpose. But that wasn't the case, I just had no knowledge of what was happening. I am autistic and it takes forever to process information when not being exposed to traumatic events and even longer when I am being subjected to such harsh treatment and mental head games. Now that I have it partially figured out, Ill know where to "try" and stay within the lines. Ill forget somethings along the way but will remember them again hopefully soon, thats what its like having autism.
People are still accusing me of wanting 2, and I STILL dont know what the hell they are talking about.
All I really know is that I miss my sis, Kendall. Her and Beth are really the only people I will miss (with the exception of my family on both sides) if they decide to completely ignore me and the baby's existance. I love them but really didn't know that there weren't more people like them on this earth. Of all the thousands of people that I have met, I have yet to find their replacements. There are none, and I am forever affected. I miss my old life and the people in it. Right now I am surrounded by people I dont have the ability to relate to.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I am being wrongly convicted and treated like a criminal
Thanks to a collaborative effort from everyone that hates me, I am being accused, I hear through the grapevine, of stealing a vehicle. Yet another desparate attempt to make me look bad. I am NOT going to federal prison for no reason or for something that someone made up.
Also I am being watched like a hawk by police in stores such as Target for no apparent reason. The only thing that I can think of is that maybe someone lied and told them that I stole something in the recent past because why else would they be watching me so closely. I dont understand the obsession with trying to destroy an innocent persons life.
THIS IS MY BLOG SITE, NOTE TO THE GIRL THAT IS PASSING MY WRITING AND INFORMATION OFF AS HER OWN BECAUSE YOU ARE ENCRIPTING MY SITE......YOU ARE THE LAZIEST SACK OF &*@$# i HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF BEING ATTATCHED TO.
As far as the ultimate lyer himself goes...ED....I cant believe he has followers. I guess they are really following me because the man hasn't stopped stalking and harassing me for the last years. He lies to everyone about me. And these people that prop their foot out, heel touching the ground with toes in the air.........whatever, you can all bow to an overgrown buffoon if you want but me personally, I dont threaten peoples body parts for having a a normal functioning lifestyle.com
Im pregnant and behind enemy lines. I hate this existance I am totally isolated from people I have something in common with. These assholes just implied that I should douche. Talk about going to rot in hell, I have no hope of my life getting better and they are talking about me douching. Hey joh(not referring to the baby's real father in San Mateo) and every other man out there that cant seem to handle "no" for an answer... go fuck yourself, you were always an insensitive asshole and I dont suspect that 4 years has changed your self centeredness. I hate having to be subjected to people that think they are superior to you all the while haven't even attempted to try and live like you. I give up on humanity. Everything is always about sex to you isn't it? "customers", and prostitution, no thoughts about how a woman might have some sort of worth without opening her legs. I am just ill thinking that you actually exist in that sort of lifestyle. Im asking you to leave me alone with all of that thinking. I no longer am under your spell and I can see past all of that. You are not me! Only I am me.
Also I am being watched like a hawk by police in stores such as Target for no apparent reason. The only thing that I can think of is that maybe someone lied and told them that I stole something in the recent past because why else would they be watching me so closely. I dont understand the obsession with trying to destroy an innocent persons life.
THIS IS MY BLOG SITE, NOTE TO THE GIRL THAT IS PASSING MY WRITING AND INFORMATION OFF AS HER OWN BECAUSE YOU ARE ENCRIPTING MY SITE......YOU ARE THE LAZIEST SACK OF &*@$# i HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF BEING ATTATCHED TO.
As far as the ultimate lyer himself goes...ED....I cant believe he has followers. I guess they are really following me because the man hasn't stopped stalking and harassing me for the last years. He lies to everyone about me. And these people that prop their foot out, heel touching the ground with toes in the air.........whatever, you can all bow to an overgrown buffoon if you want but me personally, I dont threaten peoples body parts for having a a normal functioning lifestyle.com
Im pregnant and behind enemy lines. I hate this existance I am totally isolated from people I have something in common with. These assholes just implied that I should douche. Talk about going to rot in hell, I have no hope of my life getting better and they are talking about me douching. Hey joh(not referring to the baby's real father in San Mateo) and every other man out there that cant seem to handle "no" for an answer... go fuck yourself, you were always an insensitive asshole and I dont suspect that 4 years has changed your self centeredness. I hate having to be subjected to people that think they are superior to you all the while haven't even attempted to try and live like you. I give up on humanity. Everything is always about sex to you isn't it? "customers", and prostitution, no thoughts about how a woman might have some sort of worth without opening her legs. I am just ill thinking that you actually exist in that sort of lifestyle. Im asking you to leave me alone with all of that thinking. I no longer am under your spell and I can see past all of that. You are not me! Only I am me.
These people all think that I am some sort of prisoner to them
Ive never seen such a large group of people that somehow think that they "own" me. Im so tired of slimey, dirty, unscrewpulous people in my life. I never associated with any of these people on a personal level so I am unsure of how they have attatched themselves to me. I dont understand why the entire world is trying to have some sort of "issue" with me. They treat me like dirt constantly denying me the right to have a normal existance all the while making boocoo bucks off my business ideas and my writing.
Here I am pregnant and trying to find work and I have a bunch of people that have never even attempted to step out of their comfort zone trying to control and make fun of my existence. Rediculous. Im tired of stupid lazy ass people that dont know the first thing about anything trying to tell me something about life.
Kelly Rippa copped some sort of attitude the minute that I set foot inside the temp agency that was within walking distance, saying "YA" to me for nothing. My life is not a game, and as usual I am not playing. Ive had it with caddy remarks from a population that has no knowledge of what its like to be me, especially kelly Rippa. Let me ask you Kelly if you know what its like to never have a safe place to go, or to have your pregnancy always ignored and lied about, to have every business idea you've ever had capitolized on and all funds stolen from you and to be hated by everyone because some spoiled little bitch like you found some sort of problem with a pregnant homeless girl? Your selfishness amazes me. I am mortified that someone like you that has been allowed to be at your best and have success without always being pushed down by someone that has more resources than you and now has a beautiful family would cop some sort of "I have you all figured out" attitude toward me. You dont even know me and people like you keep accusing me of acting the minute I have a smile on my face or am able to laugh and enjoy a smidgeon of my own existance. You treat me worse than a freaken dog.
I never allowed to be myself, Im so tired of this. Kendall doesn't even know the person that I have become anymore. 5 1/2 years on the street, traumatized and homeless changes a person in ways that Kendall wont ever be able to relate to. Theres no way that a pampered princess could possibly judge whether or not I am acting when shes never been out in the rain without an umbrella let alone tossed outside and hated by a mass population for 5 years exposed to the worst forms of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. How on earth would she know what in the world is going on with me. Im pregnant and homeless for god sake, nothing of which she has ever experienced. It seems like its real easy to talk badly about people as you are using them and skipping off to the bank with all their creativity. No offense to her, because I still, after all the unfairness, consider her a sister but she really isn't the expert on this situation. Her hostility toward me, just as with everyone else is completely unfounded and without reason. Not to mentioned that I had a full blown mental breakdown where I litterally lost my ability to cognate words and phrases, not able to process incoming words or sentences because of the trauma brought on by all these peoples games and theatrics, blaming me for things that I have no knowledge of and exposing me to cruelties like head games all day every day. Its happened 3 times in the last month and a half. Its a reoccuring phenomina when exposed to excess truama. It starts with studdering and then suddenly I cant process incoming information like phrases. I hear them but its like the meaning of the words doesn't register and I strain to process the meaning of the simplest of words (the, what, how etc.) Then when I have to reply, I cant find the words that Im looking for. I strain and all I get is equivalent to a gear thats been stuck and wont shift. It also feels like Ive run out of whatever lubricates the thought processes, this gets worse when I dont eat, I am hypoglycemic and need sugar as well as food to think, being autistic.
Im so tired of weird complete strangers looking for reasons to condemn me. My world is not the same as yours, I am autistic and not only are you extremely abusive to treat me the way you do with such disdain for no reason at all but you are vicious with your inability to leave me alone and allow for normal processes throughout the day. That is why I rented a hotel room. I was at my mental limit, I needed a day away from the world. As predicted you didn't have the decency to chalk it up to that, you had to accuse me of yet another atrocity. You have attatched a rediculous meaning to everything around me. I am not allowed to be a part of anything that I need in order to exist happily. And now that I have tryed to get a job you have accused me of wanting 2 again! Why dont you just leave me the hell alone, you are abusive and no I am not interested in being someones freaken girl on the side. I just want to be employed and with normal rights and have the ability to make money off my own business ideas and raise my child without you pushing me around. I am pregnant and happy........Leave me alone, Ive asked you a million times and you continue to treat me like shit. I do not have to pass your tests, I am a person not an animal and your version of truth and life are not mine.
Marc Arnaud, I would appreciate you getting out of my life as I gave you a chance to be a decent person when I was in Arizona and instead you used my presence as an opportunity to threaten me. Yes, I know everyone thinks that you tried so hard to help but they weren't there behind closed doors to hear the threat and the hostility in your voice when you "told" me that I was "going to do or else" were they? Also you, threatened me for using my legs, challenging me in a hostile way to "keep walking" when I had no knowledge of what you were talking about. Then they weren't there also when you gave "permission" to have the ability to urinate, were they. In your words staying out on your porch long enough had "earned" my ability to urinate. If thats not completely abusive red flag behavior I dont know what is. So you and all your friends can continue to lie to the world all the while intentionally inflicting harm to me all you want but that doesn't mean that I have to ever associate with you again on purpose or if I can help it. Kindly remove yourself from my life.
Its funny how I am attacked all the time but no one knows about the abuse that has been going on out of your view. You just think I am some sort of monster person and you have it all wrong you dont even know that you have been lied to. I dont know why it hasn't occured to you to ask my side of the story.
This brings me to Katie Holmes whom is mad at me for reasons that are also unclear to me. I am unsure of how my life is in anyway related to hers but for some reason she is mad at me also. I am autistic and have an aversion to the color forest green for my own reasons. She has now taken this personally and maybe I would understand if someone explained it to me.
People keep treating me like I am some sort of bad person and I have nothing but good intentions. The fact that I am even able to smile after all that has happened to me is a miracle. You should be proud of my resilience to an impossible situation, not hissing at me for not even knowing what your talking about.I ask god and the universe to forgive you everyday lately as most of you dont even know that your hatred is misdirected, and as for the ones that are intentionally harming my life, I still ask that you be forgiven becuase when I exit this planet I want to be positive that I did my best to be a good person, my learning experiences here fulfilled as I am not in a hurry to repeat this life in the next. I am expecting a beautiful life next time around and I am evolved enough to know that your ignorance doesn't equal my future, in this life or the next. I have never had bad intentions, that is something you made up.
I would appreciate all the weird overzealous stalkers to exit my life. I am not a part of your group and apparently you have never heard of false imprisonment, which basically is what you are doing by controlling my environment. I grew up with very normal people, those are my companions on this earth, not you. They have way to much going on than to stalk me everywhere I go and deliver ultimatums except of course the ones that of course have stolen from me.
Also could the "wedding party" quit playing games with my life, you would think that given the wedding and everything that you would have better things to do with your time than to try and make my life more difficult than it already is. I really dont want the groom, you can stop trying to test me now as it is totally rediculous that you cant accept the fact that I am happy being pregnant even though I am on my own.
Also could you stop offering to get me "customers" as I am not some sort of prostitute nor will I ever be not to mention it is a huge insult. I have no desire to be "fancy". Find someone else. You make me ill.
The witch, did not win just because you need yet another way to try and make me look bad. Even though I love witches, I dont agree with you using a witch against me just because I try to find some faith in something.
Your desparate attempts at destroying my life and reputation are not only pathetic but are really close to receiving federal prison priviliges.
Here I am pregnant and trying to find work and I have a bunch of people that have never even attempted to step out of their comfort zone trying to control and make fun of my existence. Rediculous. Im tired of stupid lazy ass people that dont know the first thing about anything trying to tell me something about life.
Kelly Rippa copped some sort of attitude the minute that I set foot inside the temp agency that was within walking distance, saying "YA" to me for nothing. My life is not a game, and as usual I am not playing. Ive had it with caddy remarks from a population that has no knowledge of what its like to be me, especially kelly Rippa. Let me ask you Kelly if you know what its like to never have a safe place to go, or to have your pregnancy always ignored and lied about, to have every business idea you've ever had capitolized on and all funds stolen from you and to be hated by everyone because some spoiled little bitch like you found some sort of problem with a pregnant homeless girl? Your selfishness amazes me. I am mortified that someone like you that has been allowed to be at your best and have success without always being pushed down by someone that has more resources than you and now has a beautiful family would cop some sort of "I have you all figured out" attitude toward me. You dont even know me and people like you keep accusing me of acting the minute I have a smile on my face or am able to laugh and enjoy a smidgeon of my own existance. You treat me worse than a freaken dog.
I never allowed to be myself, Im so tired of this. Kendall doesn't even know the person that I have become anymore. 5 1/2 years on the street, traumatized and homeless changes a person in ways that Kendall wont ever be able to relate to. Theres no way that a pampered princess could possibly judge whether or not I am acting when shes never been out in the rain without an umbrella let alone tossed outside and hated by a mass population for 5 years exposed to the worst forms of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. How on earth would she know what in the world is going on with me. Im pregnant and homeless for god sake, nothing of which she has ever experienced. It seems like its real easy to talk badly about people as you are using them and skipping off to the bank with all their creativity. No offense to her, because I still, after all the unfairness, consider her a sister but she really isn't the expert on this situation. Her hostility toward me, just as with everyone else is completely unfounded and without reason. Not to mentioned that I had a full blown mental breakdown where I litterally lost my ability to cognate words and phrases, not able to process incoming words or sentences because of the trauma brought on by all these peoples games and theatrics, blaming me for things that I have no knowledge of and exposing me to cruelties like head games all day every day. Its happened 3 times in the last month and a half. Its a reoccuring phenomina when exposed to excess truama. It starts with studdering and then suddenly I cant process incoming information like phrases. I hear them but its like the meaning of the words doesn't register and I strain to process the meaning of the simplest of words (the, what, how etc.) Then when I have to reply, I cant find the words that Im looking for. I strain and all I get is equivalent to a gear thats been stuck and wont shift. It also feels like Ive run out of whatever lubricates the thought processes, this gets worse when I dont eat, I am hypoglycemic and need sugar as well as food to think, being autistic.
Im so tired of weird complete strangers looking for reasons to condemn me. My world is not the same as yours, I am autistic and not only are you extremely abusive to treat me the way you do with such disdain for no reason at all but you are vicious with your inability to leave me alone and allow for normal processes throughout the day. That is why I rented a hotel room. I was at my mental limit, I needed a day away from the world. As predicted you didn't have the decency to chalk it up to that, you had to accuse me of yet another atrocity. You have attatched a rediculous meaning to everything around me. I am not allowed to be a part of anything that I need in order to exist happily. And now that I have tryed to get a job you have accused me of wanting 2 again! Why dont you just leave me the hell alone, you are abusive and no I am not interested in being someones freaken girl on the side. I just want to be employed and with normal rights and have the ability to make money off my own business ideas and raise my child without you pushing me around. I am pregnant and happy........Leave me alone, Ive asked you a million times and you continue to treat me like shit. I do not have to pass your tests, I am a person not an animal and your version of truth and life are not mine.
Marc Arnaud, I would appreciate you getting out of my life as I gave you a chance to be a decent person when I was in Arizona and instead you used my presence as an opportunity to threaten me. Yes, I know everyone thinks that you tried so hard to help but they weren't there behind closed doors to hear the threat and the hostility in your voice when you "told" me that I was "going to do or else" were they? Also you, threatened me for using my legs, challenging me in a hostile way to "keep walking" when I had no knowledge of what you were talking about. Then they weren't there also when you gave "permission" to have the ability to urinate, were they. In your words staying out on your porch long enough had "earned" my ability to urinate. If thats not completely abusive red flag behavior I dont know what is. So you and all your friends can continue to lie to the world all the while intentionally inflicting harm to me all you want but that doesn't mean that I have to ever associate with you again on purpose or if I can help it. Kindly remove yourself from my life.
Its funny how I am attacked all the time but no one knows about the abuse that has been going on out of your view. You just think I am some sort of monster person and you have it all wrong you dont even know that you have been lied to. I dont know why it hasn't occured to you to ask my side of the story.
This brings me to Katie Holmes whom is mad at me for reasons that are also unclear to me. I am unsure of how my life is in anyway related to hers but for some reason she is mad at me also. I am autistic and have an aversion to the color forest green for my own reasons. She has now taken this personally and maybe I would understand if someone explained it to me.
People keep treating me like I am some sort of bad person and I have nothing but good intentions. The fact that I am even able to smile after all that has happened to me is a miracle. You should be proud of my resilience to an impossible situation, not hissing at me for not even knowing what your talking about.I ask god and the universe to forgive you everyday lately as most of you dont even know that your hatred is misdirected, and as for the ones that are intentionally harming my life, I still ask that you be forgiven becuase when I exit this planet I want to be positive that I did my best to be a good person, my learning experiences here fulfilled as I am not in a hurry to repeat this life in the next. I am expecting a beautiful life next time around and I am evolved enough to know that your ignorance doesn't equal my future, in this life or the next. I have never had bad intentions, that is something you made up.
I would appreciate all the weird overzealous stalkers to exit my life. I am not a part of your group and apparently you have never heard of false imprisonment, which basically is what you are doing by controlling my environment. I grew up with very normal people, those are my companions on this earth, not you. They have way to much going on than to stalk me everywhere I go and deliver ultimatums except of course the ones that of course have stolen from me.
Also could the "wedding party" quit playing games with my life, you would think that given the wedding and everything that you would have better things to do with your time than to try and make my life more difficult than it already is. I really dont want the groom, you can stop trying to test me now as it is totally rediculous that you cant accept the fact that I am happy being pregnant even though I am on my own.
Also could you stop offering to get me "customers" as I am not some sort of prostitute nor will I ever be not to mention it is a huge insult. I have no desire to be "fancy". Find someone else. You make me ill.
The witch, did not win just because you need yet another way to try and make me look bad. Even though I love witches, I dont agree with you using a witch against me just because I try to find some faith in something.
Your desparate attempts at destroying my life and reputation are not only pathetic but are really close to receiving federal prison priviliges.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
You keep calling me CAR ( a child molester) Im documenting every incident of slander
Good Morning America reported that I was "wet" around a chubby man that allowed me to stay at his house last night. After they reported that, they proceeded to call me "CAR"
You people are desparate to make me look bad. Im disgusted by your comments and Im convinced that you really will rot in hell.
Again now that I am in another city, you continue to make jail time deals with me for no reason. I've had it. Let me make this clear to you........
I AM NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING THIS YET? YOU CAN CALL ME OKAY ALL YOU WANT BUT THAT HAS NO BEARING ON THE TRUTH. YOUR JUST PISSED THAT YOU CANT PIN SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN ON ME. I AM A GOOD PERSON AND YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE ME LOOK TO THE WORLD LIKE SOME SORT OF DERELECT.
Also....all the men that continue to follow me around attempting to make me your lover, or girlfriend and play games that pit girl against girl, please remove yourself from my life. I am 34 years old and do not have time for immature games where you sit back and laugh while a bunch of girls fight over you. I am not interested in your kind of personality. Im looking for a man not a little boy, someone that is mature.
As a matter of fact being pregnant, I am in a really good space and dont even want a man in my life unless it is the baby's father which is a slim man in his mid 20's, not the robust man from canada that keeps showing a video taken illeagally and without my consent, saying that he is the baby's father. I only slept with the man from canada because supposedly someones "hand" was in jeopardy and I was under the impression that the only way to save a hand was to have sex with someone I wasn't attracted to in the first place. He is a slimeball that took advantage of my naivety.
Get out of my life military! I have respect for your job but have no urge to live your lifestyle. Im listening to this man on CNN right now on the "Fareed Zakaria" Show (the white man) say that he will use me "for example" meaning the government plans on punishing me further for no reason other than a bunch of "good ol boys" dont accept truth very well. They are so used to me being their scapegoat that now they intend on trying to hurt me yet again. And no I dont intend on trying to make Suri starve I said that in my last blog and I heard right now that the I thinks that it is "just" based on someone saying that I wanted Suri to starve. What a crock!!!!! I dont want anyone to starve. These people and their games are on my last nerve. I am not here to pass your rediculous set up tests. If I eat my food on a certain color bowl or dish it means absolutely nothing!!!!!! You are ruining my life over the slightes of assumptions. You are destroying friendships and relationships of people that care about me based on the color of a dish. ABSURD!!!!!!!! I want a NORMAL life. My actions are not premeditated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im a regular person and you act like I am putting national security in jeopardy over the color of a dish.....Im really tired of you. Cant you just give me some room to be a person? Ive been on the move forever, my body and mind are exhausted and you keep demanding frivilous things of me. You should be strung up for your mental cruelty. I am not nor ever have been playing your dumb game and yet you still keep trying to jail me for normal actions.
Why do you keep lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are so desparate to jail me that you twist and distort the facts constantly to make me look like a criminal. Something that is totally explainable you turn into something its not. I wont allow you to continue to get away with this. I am not here for you to continue to smear my reputation. I am not a criminal and if my Grandma had to pay for something that you said wasn't paid for, you just took money from old lady, when the situation was already paid for. So now you not only owe me an appology but you owe my Grandmother her money back!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You've accused me in a public arena of something, didn't give me a chance to tell you what happened, lied to the public and said that it for certain happened,and then took money from my grandmother. Which means that my grandmother actually thinks it happened. You are going down for slander and money extortion.
Also if another man, says to me that he was a kid, Im going to say yeah right, sure you are. Im a kid too, right. Hey if your going to take that angle then we are all children. You so full of shit.
Copyright March 15, 2009 9:31 am La. Issel
You people are desparate to make me look bad. Im disgusted by your comments and Im convinced that you really will rot in hell.
Again now that I am in another city, you continue to make jail time deals with me for no reason. I've had it. Let me make this clear to you........
I AM NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR SOMETHING THAT I DIDN'T DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING THIS YET? YOU CAN CALL ME OKAY ALL YOU WANT BUT THAT HAS NO BEARING ON THE TRUTH. YOUR JUST PISSED THAT YOU CANT PIN SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN ON ME. I AM A GOOD PERSON AND YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE ME LOOK TO THE WORLD LIKE SOME SORT OF DERELECT.
Also....all the men that continue to follow me around attempting to make me your lover, or girlfriend and play games that pit girl against girl, please remove yourself from my life. I am 34 years old and do not have time for immature games where you sit back and laugh while a bunch of girls fight over you. I am not interested in your kind of personality. Im looking for a man not a little boy, someone that is mature.
As a matter of fact being pregnant, I am in a really good space and dont even want a man in my life unless it is the baby's father which is a slim man in his mid 20's, not the robust man from canada that keeps showing a video taken illeagally and without my consent, saying that he is the baby's father. I only slept with the man from canada because supposedly someones "hand" was in jeopardy and I was under the impression that the only way to save a hand was to have sex with someone I wasn't attracted to in the first place. He is a slimeball that took advantage of my naivety.
Get out of my life military! I have respect for your job but have no urge to live your lifestyle. Im listening to this man on CNN right now on the "Fareed Zakaria" Show (the white man) say that he will use me "for example" meaning the government plans on punishing me further for no reason other than a bunch of "good ol boys" dont accept truth very well. They are so used to me being their scapegoat that now they intend on trying to hurt me yet again. And no I dont intend on trying to make Suri starve I said that in my last blog and I heard right now that the I thinks that it is "just" based on someone saying that I wanted Suri to starve. What a crock!!!!! I dont want anyone to starve. These people and their games are on my last nerve. I am not here to pass your rediculous set up tests. If I eat my food on a certain color bowl or dish it means absolutely nothing!!!!!! You are ruining my life over the slightes of assumptions. You are destroying friendships and relationships of people that care about me based on the color of a dish. ABSURD!!!!!!!! I want a NORMAL life. My actions are not premeditated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im a regular person and you act like I am putting national security in jeopardy over the color of a dish.....Im really tired of you. Cant you just give me some room to be a person? Ive been on the move forever, my body and mind are exhausted and you keep demanding frivilous things of me. You should be strung up for your mental cruelty. I am not nor ever have been playing your dumb game and yet you still keep trying to jail me for normal actions.
Why do you keep lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are so desparate to jail me that you twist and distort the facts constantly to make me look like a criminal. Something that is totally explainable you turn into something its not. I wont allow you to continue to get away with this. I am not here for you to continue to smear my reputation. I am not a criminal and if my Grandma had to pay for something that you said wasn't paid for, you just took money from old lady, when the situation was already paid for. So now you not only owe me an appology but you owe my Grandmother her money back!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You've accused me in a public arena of something, didn't give me a chance to tell you what happened, lied to the public and said that it for certain happened,and then took money from my grandmother. Which means that my grandmother actually thinks it happened. You are going down for slander and money extortion.
Also if another man, says to me that he was a kid, Im going to say yeah right, sure you are. Im a kid too, right. Hey if your going to take that angle then we are all children. You so full of shit.
Copyright March 15, 2009 9:31 am La. Issel
Saturday, March 14, 2009
You keep handing Tara my life and now you want to give her my baby? Are you on @@##%^$^&$$# crack?
This is not up for discussion. This is not a surrogate pregnancy, or anything of the sort. Back off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your messing with a pregnant mother. My life is not supposed to revolve around you . You keep handing my entire life over to this person for no other reason than you have some personal vendetta out for me. What is your problem. Youre so freaken spoiled that you think that I shouldn't stand up to you when you are trying to yank my entire existance right out from underneth me and hand it to Tara? What the heckdo you think this is all about? You are not taking my child. Are you getting this yet. I am not some foreign person without a greencard I am a person, who is pregnant, with my baby. Do you not understand that you are going to rot in hell. I am not making some 15 year deal as I have done nothing wrong. You keep making me look like a bad person to the entire planet all the while you are directly involved and responsible for the torment that I am going through. I am not looking at knit sweaters because of guy!!!!!!!! I am looking at knit sweaters because while at the yarn shop I saw some awesome baby portraits taken with knitted sweaters on.
i want to cry as this is an up hill battle all the time. Im so tired of this. Ive done nothing to deserve any of this. I might thouroughly hate you for this one. You've taken every material possession I have ever had and now you want my own flesh. What else can I say but "go fuck yourself" And I mean that as the most upstanding lady.
i want to cry as this is an up hill battle all the time. Im so tired of this. Ive done nothing to deserve any of this. I might thouroughly hate you for this one. You've taken every material possession I have ever had and now you want my own flesh. What else can I say but "go fuck yourself" And I mean that as the most upstanding lady.
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